learning the walk of honesty
“honesty (n.) early 14c., “splendor, honor; elegance,” … from Latin honestatem … reputation, character;” figuratively …
… “uprightness, probity, integrity, virtue” .“
How wonderful to connect
splendor, honor; elegance with …
“uprightness, probity, integrity, virtue” -
sounds like a foundationally-solid &
life-affirming plan of action
to me.
Today I did not go to my mother’s funeral. It would have been ‘easier’ to have gone, to play my correct part, look good & not upset other people.
But it would have gone against everything I am learning
in my faltering steps into honesty.
I have lived my life crawling through other people’s good books.
Now as I find my feet, I seem to enter their bad ones.
Wobbling into life on two undeveloped feet
& falling down a lot.
But just like Fitzy’s baby I get up & try again.
And again.
This has surely got to be one of the most vital things in life – finding our feet &…
… then USING them.
Perhaps it is because our civilisation is so worded, that I keep finding that my feet are connected to my voice. And much of my movement from crawling to standing seems to revolve around the word ‘No’.
Funny how learning
to say No
comes close on the heels
of toddlers who are learning to walk.
More & more of late I am feeling a great curiosity …
… about this word.
I think of sculptures, & how rock or clay is …
… carved out, or cut away,
to create the vision, the reality.
NO
is a word like that.
It cuts away
Cuts out
Discards
Rejects
Ejects
I am wondering if life is what is left over.
Is NO as full of life as Yes?
Because I think it is meant to be.
Maybe it is more so.
Maybe that’s why we are so afraid of it.
When we say no to something we ‘turn our back on it‘. That is an action. A very powerful action.
“We usually live on the front part of our bodies and we have developed more on that part, where most of our sensory organs are situated: eyes, nose, mouth, shoulders, hands and chest. Now we have to reverse our attention giving consideration to the back of our body“
Turning our backs is NOT backing away or backing down -
… those are done submissively while facing a ‘dominator’.
I’m thinking that
conscious rejection
may be
one of the most powerful forces in the universe.
Does the egg reject all those millions of sperm I wonder? Is there something in the act of rejecting that positively reinforces that which is then chosen or revealed?
A book on yoga found me at the library recently – it is based on principles I have not seen elsewhere.
Using gravity consciously, almost sacredly.
I would like to throw out a very unscientific suggestion that the force of ’no’ may be directly connected to gravity, or perhaps its immense power may come from working with gravity – this is play remember, not science – so there aren’t rules here, only pauses & nibbles for thought.
Just ponder the times you have used ‘no‘ effectively in your life (or wished you had) as you read the following:
“Gravity is like a magnet attracting us to the earth, but this attraction is not limited to pulling us down, it also allows us to stretch in the opposite direction towards the sky“
The sky is the home of the ‘gods’.
Could use of the …
… word/force ‘no‘
be akin to wielding divine power?
“We make use of the force of “anti-force”, which gives us a new flow of energy – a sort of anti-gravity reflex, like the rebounding spring of a ball bouncing on the ground.
When we use no with vitality & consciousness do we create a springboard effect that generates a positive path of least resistance?
The resulting wave is extraordinarily powerful and helps us to find the right approach: an unexpected opening follows, an opening from within us, giving life to the spine, as though the body had to reverse and awaken into another dimension“
Over & over these days, I seem to find myself offered opportunities to say no – I can see no other ways to describe them than ‘opportunities’ – as if my new choices are being queried:
“Are you sure you really want this?”
Each time I say no to the old, I feel greater clarity & vitality.
“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you…” ~Rachel Naomi Remen
The more I contemplate the Turkish proverb I chose long ago for this site, the more I see within it:
“No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back“
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Text in this colour from Awakening the Spine ~ Vanda Scaravelli
is that it?
Although I hadn’t planned to, I went to see my mother’s body today.
She was all dressed up, lying neatly in her coffin. She looked quite healthy for a corpse.
Now I am home & maybe it’s the wine I’m drinking, but I can’t help thinking:
“is that it?“
Do all the years of being scared of her come to this – this nothingness.
How can we be so scared of life & other people when there is this smallness when they/we are no longer here.
What made us so scared to live,
when death is so small?
I offer this short post today because of its closing thought.
Before that I must confess that my wine & musings bizarrely reminded me of my feelings the first time I had sex. I still remember the shock of comprehension:
“Is this is?
What’s all the fuss about?‘
I’m left with a similar feeling today:
“How can we be so scared of life if death is really so small?”
Closing thought:
Perhaps there is nothing at all to lose by becoming too big for our boots, buying a pair of dancing shoes & bowing to life?
breaths of fresh air as the sun goes down
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normal transmissions
will resume shortly
