the speaking woman
My mother is not doing well.
When she was awake & semi-lucid today I told her that one good thing has come from the last few months – that my sister & I got to speak honestly to her - what I meant, but didn’t add, was “for the first time in our lives”.
“One of every five families is affected by serious mental illness in their lifetimes“
I am going to be very grateful for having had the chance to do that.
“There’s a sense of lost childhood, a grief and a loss at the core of their experience“
I know so many have not had that, or will never have that.
“Mental illness “drains off the energy needed for a child’s normal development. They’re often forced into parentified roles before they’ve finished being children”.“
Omalone1 left a comment recently declaring that families should be called ‘victim units‘.
I lean strongly toward agreement.
While there do seem to be families that are ‘healthy’,
there is a huge, unrecognised number
of ’victim units’ in this world.
I have stated both here & on radio shows that I believe that the Truth Movement is made up of ‘trauma victims’, or as we could now say – ‘remnants of victim units‘ … hey we could have our own tv show - RVU.
Even though I don’t really know how much my mother has heard me, my mind has been given a gift – it has been able to replace …
… ‘the mute daughter‘ pattern
with a new memory
… a ‘speaking
Once you get over nerves it’s not so hard to do radio shows or podcasts.
It’s a different matter speaking through the strangle hold of family patterns.
And they are patterns.
Which takes us back to my recent articles.
The mind is a brilliant, award-winning, pattern-forming-system - it’s so good it’s to die for.
I think my mother is dying from her patterns.
Anyone who reads this, & takes the time to consider that our thinking system may be the death of us, makes her life-death a little less wasted.
I am crying as I write this.
I will never know what turned her into the personal-nightmare I knew.
Not so long ago I translated my growing-up experience of her, into a haiku-type poem:
frozen metal mother with grip of death
father looks on, awaiting his leave-taking“
At that time my brothers & sister had no understanding of what her condition was – we had grown up with the phrase nervous-breakdown-slash-depression.
I watch her now as she is consumed by her mind. It feasts upon her.
Is it possible that our thinking system is also …
… feasting upon us?
How many times have you hurt someone in the last few weeks even though you never meant to?
How many times have you gone round yet again in the same old circles you have been travelling for years or maybe even decades?
How many times have you turned to the tv or alcohol or sex or ‘truth-seeking’ to fill in the time or try & feel alive, just for a little?
Fuck the apparent’ overseas threats of Iraq, Syria, Iran, or Stewart Island (especially Stewart Island), NONE of them will EVER compare to the weapon of mass destruction inside your head …
… now that is the MFOAB (mother/father of all bombs) that you should be worried about.
… some time later …
How strange life is.
I am just back from
He phoned while I was writing this.
His car wouldn’t start – it was cold & dark & wet & he had just finished a university exam & found his battery was flat.
Luckily I have a good deal of experience in jump-starting old cars.
But we got stuck – the two of us just didn’t have the strength to push it uphill far enough to get it out from behind a parked car. A young woman passed us, dressed in what looked like town-careered finery. I asked if she would help & she crossed the street, put down her umbrella & dug her high heels in.
She was the magic that we needed.
I’m sure my son would have preferred to do it via a manly-solo, but in that situation it just wasn’t possible.
Just another fine example that it’s really not so hard for men & women to work together.
‘Platosocrastotle Thinking System™’
rammed into place.
That’s the one that turns mothers into schizophrenics & drives fathers onto their solitary (Jehovian Virus™ encrusted) pedestals.
When we constantly damage our-selves & each other, there is something wrong.
We have known something was wrong & we have used the only tool we had (the ’Platosocrastotle Thinking System™‘) to figure out the answer.
Unfortunately we never thought to examine that tool: -
“… the ‘endless search & inquiry’ which has given Western civilization its apparent progress in general … with only the tiniest of complaints that the one area where we have not applied this endless search …
… is to the very method [of thinking] itself“
Here’s a random off-topic thought to finish this winter-evening’d article.
It is said there is a ‘set’ amount of energy in the universe. Forgive the non-technical phrasing – anyway, let’s say that this is so & ask a question …
What would happen if instead of fighting each other & the world & struggling incessantly to ‘solve’ problems, we set about the correct human task of creating, just for the sheer joy & passion of creating?
Would that not mean that we were
copious quantities of that energy
in a constructive & wonderful way.
What if a by-product of that constructivity was a …
… limiting/restriction of the amount of energy available to the abusers of life on this planet?
What if every time we create, we take back or redirect energy away from these ‘destructivists‘?
Could returning to life be based on something this simple,
yet now so far out of our
Do the children keep this world alive, by their non-stop creating?
If so they are the most under-rated teachers & farmers & physicians on the face of this planet.
If that is the case perhaps we had better stop ‘teaching’ them & instead start learning from them.
Hmmm … always two sides to every coin – only the ‘Platosocrastotle Thinking System™ asks which one is right …
“For me insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity” ~Jean Dubuffet, expressionist French painter and sculptor
~ ~ ~
For those who have suffered with mentally ill parents or siblings or children here is a link that may ease your mind …
“Children, siblings, parents, are the forgotten victims of brain disorders“