…and what do you mean by that?

A good friend picked me up & chucked me over his shoulder into a ditch tonight, via email.

He has been helping with my inquiries into the Great Divide of man & woman. Previously he pointed out to me the female habit of reading things into conversations & assured me that what he says is what he means. I have done my best to accept & incorporate this strange notion into our chats. But…tonight I find that I have slipped up again. What really gets me is that I couldn’t see it until it was pointed out to me. It brought into sharp focus the huge difference in the very fabric of male & female conversation.

Our whole society revolves around the words we speak to each other – at no time in recorded history has the spoken word been so relied on – the ‘communications’ business takes the very words from our mouths & transmits them anywhere in the world.

So what happens when two different languages are spoken, using the same words?

I am a woman – I speak the woman’s language – the most modern analogy I can think of is to say I have a decoder, when someone speaks to me I decode it. What that means for me is that when you say something I will check for all kinds of hidden messages, tone of voice, the way you phrase things, to find out what you really mean – women do this automatically, we can read each other at 500 paces. Men are just downright contrary because they do not NOT say what they mean. What would have happened if the British had put un-coded messages into the enigma machine – it would probably have blown a gasket. I really don’t think women are born with decoders, I think it’s part of the subtle training of childhood. I have an idea that women throughout the centuries of patriarchy have developed a type of underground communication system, using the same words as their menfolk but in quite a different way. A language that allowed women to understand each other but confusing enough to the opposite sex to allow some freedom of speech. Now this is just an idea, I am very open to alternatives or additional suggestions, the idea is to open some healing & understanding between the sexes.

Perhaps here is the ultimate Babel – when man & woman started talking in different tongues.

In one way it’s very funny, but it’s also tragic when we do not understand each other.

There is a great scene from the movie Sliding Doors which beautifully illustrates this divided communication. The cheating boyfriend is confronted & confused by his mistress – it goes like this;

Man: ‘But you didn’t say that’s what you wanted.”

Woman: “Jerry, I’m a woman, we don’t say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don’t get it. That’s what makes us so fascinating & not a little bit scary.”

& that movie was written by a man.

I hadn’t planned on starting this topic with language, but it popped up & bit me in the ass so I took note. I shall present ideas as they come to mind in the hope of clearing away some of the sludge that has accumulated over the centuries. I can’t help feeling that a healthy respect & partnership between the sexes would create something akin to a healthy & functioning immune system for this world – an immune system capable of dealing with any diseased agenda.

July 12, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Ouch! Into a ditch? Gee, I hope your “friend” picked you up and cleaned you off after you landed there…I mean, I could understand him wanting to throw you over his shoulder and all…Not only is communication key, but deciphering too…I need one of those de-coder rings I guess, to be able to tell what women mean, because it sure isn’t what they think…right? *smiles* This is a terrific start to repairing the rifts that have caused much separation of the sexes in society.Thanks!Be well.

  2. wise woman replied:

    So Michael what you’re really trying to say is… lolI think communication is most definitely a key ingredient – both in where & why we are where we are today & where we will OR can go.Today I see on the front page of the newspaper that the pope has just landed in Australia – communication via the media is currently seeking to turn an old man into a superstar & seem to be doing a pretty good job. If people understood that ALL ‘media’ means marketing they would not be so easily fooled. Because all our communication is being done via one medium – ‘the english language’, we think we understand & that’s when we are easy to confuse. Just my opinion (at the moment).

  3. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Oh good grief, the pope? Guess he has to make the rounds, wonder when he will start introducing the one world religion idea–saying Christians should start accepting other religions, yada yada yada, he already told them to accept Aliens earlier this years LOLCelt has a great post up on the media called Shall We Play A Game, worth a read.Be well!

  4. marmitelover@mac.com replied:

    hmm, not sure i agree with that example from Sliding Doors. That reinforces the already present male idea that we are confusing and indirect and frivolous and unreasonably demanding.My problem with men is that that I’m too direct. I know exactly what I want. I rarely change my mind. I am not frivolous. This really freaks them out.

  5. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Marmite,I think Wise is picking up on what they are feeding the masses of men/women out there trying to confuse each other as to what each other wants, etc. breaking down communication…like those Cosmopolitan magazine articles on “10 Ways to Read Your Man” or what not.Open communication is definite key to any relationship, and your more than likely an exception to what’s really going on out there amongst the brainwashed mess.:-) Cheer

  6. wise woman replied:

    Hi MichaelThanks again, I like your willingness to look at this issue – I will most certainly check out the Rebel.Marmite LoverFair comment – I know that movie intimately & find that scene very funny I guess because it kind of goes over the top in pointing out areas where both sexes confuse each other.I’m really just trying to pull this whole area of male/female into the light where we can look at it. We are each individuals & I wonder what we would all be like & how we would each choose to relate if we weren’t grouped into our allocated gender roles. I agree with Michael about how our communication has been broken down. I do not see that either sex is ‘right’ – we can’t be because we’ve been confused & our method of relating is sadly muddled. For myself I am deeply saddened at what we miss out on because of this despite our greatest intentions.

  7. Newspaceman replied:

    Personally, I dont think there were that many “differences” until they were pointed out as being “unequal differences” – that is when the problems began. cheers

  8. wise woman replied:

    Good one NewspacemanThat’s something I’m looking at – the ‘created’ differences – women’s magazines are really guilty of driving that one forward.There’s a book I read a while ago that I’m trying to find that says there really aren’t many differences at all. It’s a created division, but I feel we need to see where those divisions are so cunningly hidden before we can dismantle them.There are also very tricky ‘created’ divisions within the sexes as well.

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