Telling stories

Some weeks ago I wrote about a book that suggested that humanity is in the throes of remembering the cataclysm that once nearly destroyed the earth & that all the present apocalyptic stories are more to do with this, than as a forerunner for another ‘naughty humans’ punishment.

A couple of weeks later I had an intense personal experience. In order to write this article it means I have to give away some information that I might prefer to keep to myself, however I have to say that keeping things to myself has not perhaps worked so well for me in the past, so maybe it is time to let go a little more.

Despite the twinning messages of the ‘rich & famous’ & ‘catastrophe’ that bombard us daily from each & every media outlet, our lives generally go on as they always do. I believe most people carry great personal pains & struggles within them. Most of the time they are carried silently, without complaint, accepting the generation upon generation premise that ‘life’s a bitch so get used to it’. I no longer accept this crap & will travel whatever routes feel right in order to experience whatever truth is.

The other week Michael from Hidden Agendas posted the 20 Keys of Conscious Creation from The Divine Matrix (Gregg Braden) – numero 18 had this to say

The root of our “negative” experiences may be reduced to one of three universal fears (or a combination of them): abandonment, low self-worth, or lack of trust.

For me this was spot on & my experience of a few weeks past really brought this home to me.

I have carried round all my life an almost living feeling of abandonment & betrayal – it follows me through each & every day – we are like conjoined twins. I cannot give a good enough reason from this lifetime to explain it & yet up until a few weeks ago I would have delved into my past & pulled up some examples & believed surely these must be the reason.

It was two intense feelings of abandonment & betrayal, in one day that finally did it for me. I must add here that these are my personal feelings, which more often than not methinks have bugger all to do with what actually happens.

On that day, two friends seemed to pull the rug out from under my feet – the first opened up the flood gates & the second unleashed the tsunami. I reached a saturation point when I could no longer contain-ignore the feelings as I normally do. I found myself completely engulfed in a combination of intense dread & whole-body nausea. I remember trying to make a dash for the bathroom, but something seemed to happen to my vision & the walls in my house seemed to be moving & I felt sure I would crash into them. I did make it to the bathroom & just crashed onto my knees – I remember the sound , but did not feel the pain. I got through that, but the searing intensity of that event turned my life upside down – never have I felt anything like that before. I have felt panic & fear but this was way beyond either of those.

Later, I talked to my son for a while as I’ve learned that is a great way to ground myself & I was able to absorb his sense & calmness.

Nevertheless the intensity stayed with me through the next day. At work I took myself off to the warehouse & engaged in hours of manual labour as I went over & over the feelings of the night before – what had happened? I had emailed a friend earlier trying to describe the feeling & had said it was like being marched off to execution. As I worked with my hands & let my mind wander, that thought returned & somehow it ‘clicked’ – had I re-experienced another time, another life where I had been betrayed & executed? While this may sound melodramatic I have to say that it did not feel so. As I mentioned previously, I have walked daily with a sense, an expectation, of betrayal & abandonment that I have accepted because it’s always there, but done my best to ignore or drown out. I have always had an intense dislike of anything to do with executions. However I had never connected the two until the that full-body sense of dread overpowered me.

How would you or I feel if someone came to take you away to execution, especially if it came about through a betrayal of trust. I am tying these two notions together because my body did & I have for some time now felt that our bodies are a treasury of memories & knowledge which we have forgotten how to access.

Another possibility is that these are not my past life memories but a genetic imprint passed down through DNA. Whether it be this or something else again, these feelings have impacted my life & I have restricted the paths I’ve walked, because of them.`

Last night I went for a walk, I was feeling some of the chaotic emotions, which I have been working with lately. I thought about how it feels for me – how my particular form of intense emotional pain manifests – the thought-feeling came of having my heart ripped out. This led on to thinking of the Aztec sacrifices, something I was deeply interested in, during my teenage years. So I wondered some more. There must be many, many people who might describe their feeling of deep emotional pain in similar terms – could that particular emotional feeling of pain, have manifested itself through the Aztec rituals – could the emotional feel of having your heart ripped out of your chest have somehow created a physical counterpart? Does what we feel, get transformed into a physical story?

The more I look at life as a multi-layered story the more it makes sense – stories emerge where before there was a nonsensical jumble of unrelated occurrences.

What if our stories are just waiting for us to hear? What if our lives having been telling & retelling our stories throughout this & other life times? What if it’s now really important that we listen, because there are things we need to do, instead of just rehashing the past.

So as I walked last night, I mulled over my Aztec ideas.

I saw within my life how I have twice experienced what could have been a personal re-enactment of an Aztec sacrifice ritual. I have had two children, both born by cesarean section. My first child died & I almost bled to death with him. A little over a year later my son was born, this time all went well but immediately after he was taken out of my body, I experienced an intense pain in my chest (it was by epidural so I was awake) – this pain was so bad that I needed several injections directly into that area to numb it – I had forgotten about this till last night. Was my body telling me about a story that I needed to remember & heal because if I don’t, I can’t break out of an endless cycle. Is that what this present time is about – a chance for our own personal healing?

My son suffers from something akin to irritable bowel syndrome. Now I have been looking at things like diet & lifestyle, but last night I wondered if his body is telling a story. Some years ago I had to rush him to hospital where he had his appendix removed. I thought of how we would describe his symptoms – gut wrenching, stabbing? – what if his body is telling him about some terrible wounding he experienced in a previous life. He is very interested in the World Wars of the last century. I’ve noted he has often referred to bayonets. Could surgical operations be a way of re-experiencing past woundings or guttings?

I have a friend who suffers from Asthma. Again I let my mind wander – first it went to the gassing in the nazi concentration camps, but then quickly I found myself in the trenches of WWI, recalling what I have read about the terrible gassing that took place there.

The British Official History, after a gas attack stated, “90 men died from gas poisoning in the trenches; of the 207 brought to the nearest dressing stations, 46 died almost immediately and 12 after long suffering.

Estimates are that approximately 113,000 tons of chemical weapons were used from 1915 to 1918, killing some 92,000 people and injuring over one million people.”

What if the great numbers of asthma cases now, are people whose bodies are re-enacting horrendous physical & emotional suffering from these times. Or perhaps a life lived in the coal mines or some other such inhuman existence where breathing was a ‘luxury.’

What happens to the intense energy created by hideous suffering & death – where does it go?

Does it stay with us, locked into DNA or does it become part of the ‘collective unconscious’ or is it trapped in the aether?

Does this energy need recognition & transformation?

What if this present time is not about ascension or moving onward or upward to the 4th, 5th or 600th dimension. What if it’s power lies in the potential for healing that makes moving anywhere else unnecessary. Perhaps what we are trying to escape from is simply our own wounding & wounded. Perhaps healing is what we came here to do. Could it be that the multitude of diseases we are seeing throughout the world are stories & the more we refuse to listen the more insistent the story tellers become because that is our way home.

I mentioned these ideas to my son & we talked of cancer, one of today’s most prominent diseases. He suggested that it could be a re-enactment of the plague, because he felt there was a similarity in the percentage of people affected. When the ‘c’ word is mentioned it is often related to ‘lumps.’

From wiki: The total number of deaths worldwide is estimated at 75 million people, approximately 25–50 million of which occurred in Europe . The Black Death is estimated to have killed 30% to 60% of Europe’s population It may have reduced the world’s population from an estimated 450 million to between 350 and 375 million in 1400.

The plague is thought to have returned every generation with varying virulence and mortalities until the 1700s. During this period, more than 100 plague epidemics swept across Europe.

Where did the emotions generated by this awful suffering go? Does the energy just disappear because people die? Or is it here with us today seeking to be transformed by us instead of being locked into a vicious cycle of destruction?

Are our memories resurfacing? Is there a thinning in the veil between past & present? Is it possible that our bodies & their emotional stories are seeking to be heard? If this were so it could be a good reason why the PTB are creating such havoc – daily churning our already chaotic emotions to drown out that which we need to see & feel & hear. This could also explain the constant onslaught against our bodies in the form of poisonous foods, vaccinations, pollution while our minds are programmed & overloaded.

I also find it interesting how readily people are to talk of their physical illnesses & yet how how unacceptable or shaming it is to talk of emotions & feelings which perhaps are the real wounded story-tellers. Would illness be necessary if we understood & honoured our own stories? I also find it interesting that story-telling has been taken out of our mouths & hands & is placed into a few ‘talented’ writers in this world. The types of stories, the correct use of words, the creativity is the sole rite of a very small section of society. Yet I have never come across anyone who knew or could tell my story, sometimes I have seen glimmers, but you can’t travel very far on a glimmer.

I have always found much healing in the honesty & straight talk of others & that is what I decided to post this article. We are all story-tellers every day of our lives. At present it seems that are bodies are doing the telling but perhaps one day soon we will step up & tell our stories so that we don’t have to keeping swallowing the bs called history.

December 5, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. Devin replied:

    wise, I was just over at aferrismoon and commented that I would have to come back to his post! I have suffered insomnia and haven’t slept in awhile-I had to stay up through the night because I had to help my brother with some things and knew if I rested I would be out-just got in a bit ago-I will definitely be coming back after resting-or drinking more coffee(a horrible habit I have had since high school)Best to you and yours and I will be back!:-)

  2. Devin replied:

    I can never stay away ‘too’ long at too long in this place! I was in my bed trying to finish up thoughts on Iris/Lucia-an inner voice literally out of nowhere said go back to wise womans new post-as tired as I was I could not deny this voice.All I can say is that I am dizzy after reading this-from amazement-I would first like to say I am sorry to hear about your son’s condition and the suffering you have gone through!When you asked a question about a H/A post I had done-I was remiss in not telling you the whole story-sorry taking so long to write this-just so tired and amazed!It involved reincarnation-and I think it may have been in the back of my mind all this time for Iris/Lucia-your courage here has given me the courage to say what I should have answered.When I was a teenager-out of nowhere I became obsessed with Soviet-bloc era politics(there was a Soviet bloc still around for a lot of my life)-kind of an odd fascination for an American teenI could not read enough about Kremlin politics and the politics of the e european countries-geez hope my connection holds this has been a long reply-After a while I began thinking-where the heck did this come from-I was always interested in other countries-but really -to go as far as to know who the politburo minister for agriculture in Bulgaria was? When I was in my mid twenties-I started to become more interested in esoteric subjects and of course reincarnation and the Tibetan book of the dead came up-when communism started to collapse-late 89 it was I was watching some documentary about Romania and Ceaucescu-it began talking about the man who preceeded Ceaucescu-Gheorghe-Gheorgiu-Dej (i know odd name to us anglophones anyway)-I of course knew about him already from my earlier studies-what I never thought of was his date of death March 19,1965-ten days before my birth-as I heard the presenter and that date of death a flood of emotions swept through me(earth collapsing beneath my feet kind)This did not last long-I told myself -how incredibly silly-no one was a floor sweeper or a child of 7 who died-but emperors, kings,dictators and the like-of course a dour communist party boss is not one ive heard anyone brag about-hehe! After this incident I put the feelings far behind me as pure mythomania to explain an interest-i mean some people collect bottle caps! Well very recently as far as time goes 06-07 I read the complete biography of Ana Pauker a Romanian communist and opponent of Dej-it was thought for awhile-she might become leader of Romania under de-Stalinization-but of course didn’t-as the horrible-although not thought of at the time -Ceaucescu took over from Dej-Reading her biography by Robert Levy-I swear was like I knew what the next sentence was going to be! I don’t know what to think-the same knowingness-awareness of the 89 thoughts were coming through-of course I would not be thinking of being her-but Dej-but knowing the events and the exact way they played out-there is so much we don’t know-this weird synching within my life seems to be taking place now-it is hard to describe-i guess if I am saying anything i am not saying I was him that would be overboard and perhaps unlikely-but as when I read the Pauker bio-I had a great like for her and she was Dej’s enemy-kind of-maybe I could have been someone very minor that was run over by Dej’s regime-and the name and date of death have significance for me because I hated him-sorry about this huge comment-very tired more thoughts developing peace and be well always! My ‘personal’synchs always synch with things I read by you-you are a very talented and gifted writer also!

  3. wise woman replied:

    Hi Devin Thanks so much for your comment – part of me was thinking 'have I gone too far this time?' – so I am very pleased to know that this has resonated with you. Actually it was your honest style of writing that gave me the extra energy I needed to post this.I am most interested in your feelings & thoughts – if these thoughts & insights & feelings come to us why should we not listen to them, we have relied on being told 'the truth' through science & religion for far too long.Yes I can see how your Iris/Lucia post may have been sparked by thoughts of reincarnation.You say that 'out of nowhere' you become interested in soviet politics – I think things like this are very important & we should wonder 'where does this come from' & to honour our fascinations – it's amazing just how much energy we can put into these interests & also it would not surprise me if there is some kind of tuning in during teenage/puberty years – perhaps we should go back & look again at what drew our attention then.I find your emotional (body-knowing) respones to Dej's death remarkable & worthy of attention – god I wish we could listen when we speak to ourselves instead of using 'logic bleach' to wipe it all away. What might our knowing be able to tell us???I'm so damn tired of ordinariness – we are not 'ordinary' & our lives are not 'ordinary' – we have extraordinary stories to tell – just like the one you have shared – so BIG Thank You Devin

  4. aferrismoon replied:

    Hi.Certainly don’t think its beyond the realms of investigationI don’t think anyone’s entirely defined a human, though we seem to recognise the life of the body only as the main marker.The ‘mind’ , a living thing seems so vast that we reduce our actual size and the thoughts of our existence along with it.Fine workCheers

  5. Devin replied:

    wise,thanks so much to your beautiful response to my comment-‘logic bleach’-I think needs to get thrown in the dust bin! I was afraid I might have sounded-‘off my rocker’ as I as extremely tired-still am -a little sleep last night but not much do to neighbors noise-I enjoy you and your site so much-I am so happy to have found it!Best to you-Devin good to see you here also, aferris! you are right-no one has-or probably ever will define a human being and how we connect with each other and the universe

  6. wise woman replied:

    Hi AferrismoonMany thanks for your comments.A very good point indeed, we really don't know what a human is OR might be. And yes the mind is another vast question mark – although I do enjoy exploring it.All the bestHi DevinI'm generally more comfortable with people who are a little off their rocker :) – & they are so much more interesting. I very much appreciated your comments.Be well

  7. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Wise,What a splendid read! Wow!! You certainly did ask many a great question! Ones that need answers, but everyone’s answers may be different, like their own stories.I love the reality of thinking in this post, its brimming with energy.The re-incarnation idea carrying memories from past lives imprinted in our DNA is wonderful! I thought that sounded so plausible! Perhaps investigating our own past lives might reveal the healing thats necessary. However, I do feel many might not be brave enough to go that route, afraid what they may find. BUT, all we can do is experiment and learn, right? :)Excellent work!CheersOh I loved the artworks at the end, those were gorgeous.

  8. annemarie replied:

    Fabulous post. Thank you for it :)Methinks you’d get a lot out of Alice Miller’s ‘The Body Never Lies’. It’s a gem imo.Take care all. Be well :)

  9. wise woman replied:

    Michael, your comments are always so splendidly generous! Thank you my friend.I think our stories must contain the answers that we need & I have a feeling that telling them & having them heard is what is most important – I'm positive there are things in me that I have not been able to let go of because I have not been able to 'voice' them & have them 'heard' – real story-telling & story-listening might be key to something remarkable. Glad you liked the pics I wanted to finish with imagery that conveyed the beauty & energy of telling our storiesAll the best :)Hi AnnemarieThanks for dropping in – your comments are appreciated. I will have a look out for that book, I've read some of her other work & liked what she had to say.All the best to you too :)

  10. Know Nothing replied:

    Thanks for sharing this Wise. I have carried a feeling of persecution with me for most of my life. My family history is not so unique, but like many, they came to the western world seeking freedom from religious persecution. I have never really connected this, but it makes sense to me that powerful feelings and emotions can affect our DNA. Your posts are always so heartfelt, and real. All I can do is to say “thank you”, you help me want to share things that have meaning for me as well.We all have great stories to tell.

  11. wise woman replied:

    Hi Mr KnowThanks very much for that – I also appreciate your honesty & willingness to share. Your feeling of persecution is most interesting to me – it led to immediate thoughts of possible past lives. I feel our emotions can be too strong to link into this one life, but I am wondering bigtime if this time now is when we can re-create balance. Something is happening, somehow the way seems clearer, I know there's all the crap perpetrated through the media, but within the hearts & souls of questioners (Q-Westerners?) something is changing. This is wonderful – who would have talked of these things or opened their hearts like this 10, even 5 years ago??All the best to you.

  12. Devin replied:

    wise-originally started to post another comment to you at my place-but I thought why not come over her and do it-that link you gave was priceless-I see what you mean about the date of death! By the 70s and 80s many of the politburo were no longer true believers- Suslov was one until the very end-that led me to some more thinking along the lines of are some people(all of us maybe)so tied to belief systems and emotional connections with people-ideologies-etc that like your present post says-even our dates of death are’Telling stories’ -In the lines of my earlier thoughts in these posts-I am going to call Arizona State Univ and see if they have any historical archives about the ‘show trial’ period in the soviet bloc–heres why-again apologize if I am out on a limb-during this period -people large and small were made to confess publicly to crimes they did not commit-I imagine sometimes in front of very large groups of people-I imagine it must have been a horrifying experience to go through as many were executed after ‘confessing’/I have always had an immense terror of public speaking-I know this is a very common phobia-in fact-along with flying it may be first or second-however with me my phobia of this caused me to take my first drink of booze so I could get through a required class/I loved the feeling of being sedated and intoxicated and it caused enormous problems down the road in my life-if I were not still getting ‘intuitions’ from this era obviously it would be a stupid thought-but for some reason it won’t go away-on the net here and there and maybe if there is any archives in the native language of the country I am thinking of (like i say -maybe if any of this is remotely real maybe i was or latched onto the spirit of a janitor who ran afoul of the ‘system’)-also along this line of thinking-going stream of conciousness now-my bf(maybe not for much longer) out of the clear blue sky one night we were together appropo of nothing-looked into my eyes and called me his Romanian gypsy-that maybe should have hit me on the head like a ton of bricks-but I simply thought he was referring to my romantic/esoteric interests-but really looking back how odd-I look very white anglo saxon-blu eyes light skin light brn hair(waspish looking) he could have just said ‘gypsy’ or guru or something-and of all countries as he is hispanic why didnt he say spain or italy?-it seems to me someone with his level of education would have picked a more well known country-there are gypsies over a lot of europe as i am sure you know-sorry for such a huge comment-this cycle I am in hits me so fast I can’t stop running off at the mouth-or fingers i should say! Peace and best to you -you are a true gem-I will always be sending positive energies towards your corner of the world and your family!-Devin

  13. wise woman replied:

    Hi DevinI enjoyed the free-flow thinking-feeling of your comment – followed your twists & turns with ease – that's just how our minds do travel.Glad the Suslov info was of interest & yes I had noted 'Maya' – is that a Russian name too I wonder – seems a rather strange choice if not.Perhaps your drinking also mirrored a past life experience when you also drank to give you courage, would perhaps have made it much more likely that you would continue down that path or could have come thro an 'ancestral' DNA memory.I would definitely 'take' that Romanian gypsy comment – other's do see things in us – 'knowing, but not knowing' – an inner recognition by your boyfriend that may not have been conscious.If something interests us & lights you up why would we not dive in & explore. Hope you find lots of 'buried treasure'.

  14. Ed replied:

    Hello Wise WomanInteresting theory, it would explain my fear of success.

  15. wise woman replied:

    Oh so you belong to that club too Ed – I haven't seen you at any of the meetings!!There must be a reason (or many) why we shun 'effectiveness' in our lives – it's just not natural & the real important question(s) is how do we turn this around?

  16. Devin replied:

    Finally did it! 20 hours between NZ and AZ-I am making the assumption that you are twenty hours into the ‘future’ (wink) from me -so I am thinking it might be 330 pm on the 11th for you as I type this. Peace and blessings-I really enjoy our communications!-Devin

  17. Devin replied:

    Hi again wise! As you can see insomnia has struck again-I am finally off to bed until tomorrow morn-it is 4am here have to be up by 10am for an appt my mom is taking me to as car isn’t running so well-I usually get half to two thirds the time in bed ‘sleeping’-we are supposed to go to a trade in book place-so i hope to find some ‘buried treasure’ there-I had missed an earlier comment you made about the name Maya-I also that that it was interesting-because -although I am by no means an expert on all things Russian-I don’t think I have ever come across that name as that of a Russian woman-in lit,poetry.history anything-it just makes you think sometimes-as in the gypsy comment-is the deeper fabric of the universe trying to tell us something with things we ‘stumble upon’ Best to you always wise-and I hope to see you here at your place or mine very soon!

  18. Ed replied:

    We turn it around by facing the big lie, the lie that we are just not good enough…Then we have to slay a bear with a dagger.

  19. wise woman replied:

    Hi DevinI hope you got some good sleep. I checked Maya & it is of Russian decent – others as well – see here: if something says to pay attention then I do & it always seems to lead on to something else. As you said the universe is a strange place – I don't think we allow for nearly enough 'strangness'All the best strangeness to you :)Hiya Ed…errr just before you go after any bears, I have to say I did an animal medicine card reading last night & I got the Bear as my inner guide – so your comment is very interesting – certainly we must face the lies, perhaps though we could befriend the bears – like Lyra does with Iorek in the Golden Compass – he made a formidable ally!

  20. Devin replied:

    wise-i just left a comment about some thinking under stu-PIDoty-I meant to leave it under this post-dont know what happened-just wanted to make sure you saw it-may be back this eve-still pondering your question. Thanks as always for dropping by MFM and I hope you and yours are doing great!

  21. Devin replied:

    wise thanks for your comments on the maya name-i meant to say hi to Ed too. I hope this is not going to be another insomnia night-still working on your thoughts-and going back to your thoughts in this post-I have been wondering what our lives as human beings would look like to from a timeless dimension-and had some thoughts that maybe from a timeless dimension-the human species ever since the dawn of humanity is ‘one’ long unwinding string of DNA-and viewed from the viewpoint of eternity-and a place without time-we are really ‘one’ being-even if we do not realize it-sorry stumbling over my words here-maybe should think more before developing any more thoughts in this area.On another note I encountered two words entirely new to me as I was researching H/A regarding the eleusinian mysteries Telestrion which was apparently the great hall seating up to 3000 people where they took place-I immediately thought-ok here are 3000 people watching a telestrion-although not in the same sense as a televsion would be-but the watching (should have said watching in a telestrion) and hearing and seeing (much mystery about this something so refined and beautiful beyond words that it transformed people-now we have a television-and in regards to some people i know they may as well be sitting in it-but instead of seeing and hearing a beautiful process-beyond words-the television give us endless mindless pap and also endless horror stories-the other word was Anaktron-still developing thoughts on this-that was apparently a small shrine that the high priest in the E.Mysteries appeared in a blinding flash of light-sorry for the late nite-early morn ramblings and still mulling over your ?-will probably go to bed soon-but very much look forward to communicating very soon!all the best to you and your family

  22. wise woman replied:

    Hi DevinThanks for that – as soon as I read the word ‘Telestrion’ – I thought of ‘Television’ – which is cool as it synchs in with what I’m working on right now. Thanks also for your other thoughts – if only everyday converstaion could include these topics!Will check out your comment on stup-idioty.All the best

  23. Devin replied:

    Wise-thanks so very much for your comments! You always come up with new angles on things that I find very interesting-getting a very late start today-not feeling well-had an H/A post ready to go and wanted to do a paranormal one tomorrow-will wait and see how health holds up. I hope these words find you and your family doing wonderful-Best as always!

  24. Devin replied:

    wise just had to come back and thank you for your link! American ‘comedy’ seems to be at the bottom -at least from what I can tell. It is great to have a place to go for a laugh and some comedic relief. Best as always to you and yours!

  25. Devin replied:

    wise-just wanted to stop by here and say rest and re-charge-let everything else go-I am feeling much the same as far as energy levels-and my first thought on waking was ‘oh no -what will I get done’ and then I wondered where this busy bee kind of thinking comes from-maybe we are getting hints we need to rest. Best as always to you and your family-so glad to hear you enjoy time with your son-I enjoy time spent with my mother-and it is to the point -she is the one person I can’t imagine not being in my life (or what is left of it) :-)Best as always to you and your family!

  26. wise woman replied:

    Hiya DevinI am having a ‘cruisey’ day thanks – also working on a gentle spontaneous post, needed a break from the larger one I’v been struggling with – hope to have it up later today so hope you will enjoy.I have indeed enjoyed my son’s company today – what is life without friendship. Am glad you have the same connection with your mum :)

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