Kicking Death up the arse

Well someones got to do it, so it may as well be me, although I am looking for a band of merry helpmates! (Picture above is Father Ted demonstrating the technique on Bishop Brennan).

A friend recently introduced me to a wonderful book by a gutsy Aussie lady. At one point she has this to say;

While you are learning new things, you can help yourself to learn it by teaching it to others. As you teach what you need to learn, the more you say it to others, the more it makes an impression on your consciousness.

Through my writing over the past year I have come to see that by putting my thoughts into stories I have allowed myself to integrate & work through muddy areas in my life.

So now I find myself called to look into the murky waters of death – no I don’t have a terminal illness, I’m just pissed off & have been for a long time.

My introduction to death came at an early age when I asked that question that all children ask their parents – no, no, not “Where do babies come from?”- the other one – “Does everyone die?” My mother’s blunt reply of “Yes” without any follow-up stories that included angels & harps, left me traumatised for a very long time indeed. Somewhere along the way I buried the panic & got ‘used’ to the idea.

However I have retained a ‘beef‘ with death & it goes like this (I prefer to use a child’s descriptor) “it’s just too mean.

I’m tired of hearing that it’s just how things are, it’s inevitable, it’s nature, it’s a part of life etc, etc. I don’t buy it.

Nobody knows what death is or what happens afterwards – every answer you or I are told, is made up.

My anger with death thing is for the people who are left behind -I am speaking of the intolerably cruelty of losing someone beloved.

I walked through a graveyard last week, on a research jaunt – again & again & again I saw the words of pain that come from the disconnection that is death.

If you get nabbed for committing a serious crime (like speaking your truth), you are entitled to one phone call.  Should you get the death sentence for it, you get to choose your very last meal …

… but when you or one you love dies, that’s it – finito.

So what is it all about?

We are so used to death that we do not question.

Why does death happen & why is connection so completely severed.

If we were booking our lives through a travel agent, would anyone really take the earth/human option – when we go away on holiday, we need to know that we are coming back to those we love.

So I’ve been having some wacky thoughts on death & in doing so found it to be a far more invasive energy than I had at first thought.

With boot at the ready lets administer a bloody good kick up the backside of the Grim Reaper – unfortunately I couldn’t find any pictures of this on the internet, but use your imagination, go on get a good mental picture! (ok time for a quick laugh, I was thinking of a Father Ted scene when I wrote that last phrase – no one should ever, ever contemplate shuffling off any mortal coils without having seen at least a little bit of Father Ted.

Did you have a look at the link – ah go on!

Ok back to death.

Now a popular conception (a deliberately chosen lively word), is that the world would be overpopulated if people didn’t die.

Great … so that reduces our lives to disposable cells in a ‘greater’ entity – well damn!  This disposable cell has a programming fault & thinks her life & those of others are valuable!

OK then, we’re spiritual beings in human form.

Great … so get this life outta the way & on to big & brighter things – well wtf am I doing here then?? Oh yes I forgot Great Granny & Grandad pissed off a jealous god & thus all our kind were damned as everlasting castaways. Oh hang on a minute didn’t Janus, sorry Jesus come & save us, well how come we’re still here – oh that’s right it’s all about the next life, the afterlife – be very, be very, very good now & when when ‘fate’ pulls the plug & you shuffle off your mortal springs, you’ll get a big spiritual payout – backdated of course.

It could be all roses on t’other side – but we don’t know. However if the effects of death on this side of the veil are anything to go …

… by then why would we be so sure?

I talked to a friend recently whose young niece died of a brain tumour some years back. I started asking her how long it took her to ‘get over it‘, then realised that was all wrong, so rephrased with ‘How long did it take you to get used to it?’ She told me it took about a year, she was very, very deeply affected by this death. Hers is one of untold stories of immense suffering.

I just don’t buy it.

What if we were meant to understand death & keep in touch with those we loved.  What if communication system got switched off?


What if death is an invention, a device to ensure that we never have enough time to learn that which we need, to find our way off this hamster wheel? If reincarnation is real then that would work well with this theory because it keeps us re-cycling, but blocks out all our previous knowledge.

I reckon if we really came here to learn something, we must surely have learned it by now – I know I sure feel like I’ve been round the block a shitload of times.

Last week my wondering took a wilder turn.

I wondered if death could be a red herring, a trick or camouflage to turn our attention away from real death.

Well first off, death is presented to us on a daily platter through the media. We are reminded of it through religion, through the ‘evidence’ of our physical bodies, through illness, through history & time & …………………….. (please feel free to fill in the dots).

I think the only virtually death-free zone is in the mind of a child.

But …. just suppose that death is a trick of the mind?

What if it’s role is to camouflage something else?

You see it is only in recent angry weeks & as I contemplated this article that I got to notice how death has accompanied me all my life – through apparently living people.

Now I don’t know what life is, haven’t a fucking clue (excuse my french, just trying to make a point) but I’ve been wondering if our world might actually be the Underworld of mythology. The amount of suffering here beggars belief – look into history & you just can’t take on board the hideous scarring of oh soooo many generations.

But what if this world is like some kind of sticky fly-paper that we’ve gotten trapped on – either by accident or design. Perhaps we were playing around with spirit glue & done got ourselves stuck! Then perhaps some other energy came visiting & it’s favourite toy was humans trapped on fly-paper, so it stayed & found a way to keep us stuck.

Perhaps we started getting clever, so a method was needed to keep us dumb & wriggling. A new type of cunning fly-paper was invented – it was double-sided & when a fly, sorry human manged to get free it would buzz off ecstatically only to get caught round the other side. To all his buddies he seemed to have disappeared & they were deeply saddened & held memorial services.

Over time, the sticky humans accepted this Great Vanishing & called it Death & created many rituals & beliefs

Meanwhile ahe real death energy chuckled endlessly over this, for it knew what they did not. It was the living energy of the humans, scrupulously harvested, that created the glue that kept their fly-paper super sticky in the first place ho ho ho.

And how was this energy created & harvested? Why through the living dead of course.

So this is where I stand now & look with new eyes.

I’ve have at last become aware of the living dead. I’ve known them all my life, but I was tricked because they walked & talked, & we’ve all seen enough tv to know that the only thing dead people do is decompose. But oh how foolish I have been. My intuition has poked & prodded me for a truly embarrassing number of years & I refused to pay heed. You see, unlike the boy in the movie, Sixth Sense, I could not see the dead people. But I felt them, oh how I felt them. However I could not see them, therefore I could not prove, therefore I knew that I could not speak up.

But now I do, & I say “I feel living dead people” & I feel them everywhere.

But there are some who are so much more intrusive

… we could call them the tax collectors of the living dead.

I am intimately aware of these living dead people because I grew up with one. I do not know if the souls of these people have been stolen or interfered with or if there is a foreign energy or entity that resides within them or something else again, all I know is that something is very wrong within them & that they seem to seek to impact on the lives of the living, either to create great pain &, or to reduce others to the same lifeless state of living dead.

My mother was one of these. I cannot tell you the number of years I spent trying to understand what was going on within my family as I grew up. I still do not have words for it – if you’ve followed my blog you will know I have words for many things, but not this.

It was a feeling, always & only a feeling.

It is only in the last week or two that I have been able to give a name to the feel & effect of her presence – it was Death.

This is not an attack, simply a fact. My father has told me, that had he stayed with her he would be dead now. Apparently she even wanted to buy a pair of coffins to store under the house, in preparation for their demise.

Being in the presence of this energy over many years wore my family down in different ways. I became anorexic & spent months in hospital, holed up in glass cage. I think the extended break away from her gave me enough strength to free myself from both her energy & that of the Catholic Church. I believe it was Ben Fairhall who wrote recently about the Catholic Church being steeped in death ...

… I had never seen it in that light before, but that really hit home

I could never explain the effect of my mother & there was never any proof – the living dead don’t leave proof -.

They operate on a completely different level – some kind of psychic energy suction perhaps.  I could go so far as to say attempted soul murder. Well lets not beat around the bush, for I’m almost sure you will know, or have known, of someone like this.

Their eyes will be very cold or in some way inhuman.

They lack empathy & they lack humour.

The sound of their voices drains you.

They always know just where & how to strike for greatest effect
( just as Dracula goes for the jugular, they seem to hone in on your weakest (& I presume juiciest) points).

Another thing with the living dead is that they won’t hear you.

So here I must speak up again, for I believe that “To hear is to give life to.”

In my growing up years I experienced being ignored & made invisible as a method of control – & very bloody effective it is too.

To ignore is to kill – something must be known or taken within us, to exist.

The living dead will not hear your voice, they will only hear you if you speak in their language.

Now this is where I think we need to cast our net very wide indeed, for I’m pretty bloody certain that the language we are forced to use today is death’s language. I’m not saying that the English language is death’s language, rather that it has been manipulated in some way so that it takes a detour through Hades on it’s way to our ears.

I speak two versions of the English language – there is the one I speak here, in this blog & with my ‘living friends’ – it’s lively, likes to joke & play round with words, gets personal & also pissed off.

And then… there’s the other one – a sort of flat-toned & empty verbalising that is, like visa ‘accepted everywhere‘ – but ohh … I don’t like it, I get tongue-tied all the time & my emotions & feelings are like unwashed vagrants – unacceptable everywhere.

When I look at the big topics of this world, I feel this same death energy. Money has got to be the biggest bloody fly-paper around! I wonder if it, like language, has been charged with death – is there perhaps another way to use it, that we are not seeing?

Govts, media, pharmaceuticals – don’t they all just deal in death?

Look around & around, this world is based on living death. Forget the casket of the future, you’ll find it right now in the job & the bank & the newspaper ...

… wherever raucous laughter is missing, there will you find living death

I wonder too if our focus has been deliberately turned towards the methods that are slowly killing us, in order to misdirect our attention away from the living dead or ‘death eaters’ that are their instigators.

Just how much effect do the living dead have on us?

Are they absorbing our energy or perhaps syphoning it off – I return to my own personal knowledge via my mother. No matter how much attention or energy I gave her, it made NO difference. I used to think she had a hole in her, for nothing would fill her up. So where did that energy go?

I’m reminded of a short story I read once about an ‘All You Could Eat‘ restaurant.  A man goes there, pays for his plate & then proceeds to eat non-stop for days (I think) – it turns out that he is long-distance-feeding his starving planet.

Do the living dead syphon off energy that is then transferred somewhere else?

Are they ‘the living dead’ because their energy has already been consumed?

I started writing this article because I had to, for myself. I finally got honest about a situation in my life … ahem it only took about 3 years. I found myself once again having the life sucked out of me by a living dead person.

This person changed & I guess I kept waiting for things to improve, giving another chance, making excuses plus I used my intellect (naughty wise woman) instead of my intuition & thus kept fly-trapping myself by seeing no way out. This is a work related matter & at present I still don’t see a way out, but this is not the crux of the matter, the crux comes with my speaking up & out for myself & for what I know, but have not allowed myself to know. A great part of my rage has also been to do with the deafness of this person – where once I could speak, things changed & it was as if all doors had been padlocked shut. I am an intuitive person, developed perhaps in part from an extreme childhood, I learned to read signals & use any tiny openings when offered. My feeling-knowing of a padlocked door is very real to me, as real as any locked vault, yet I can offer no photos & no CSI investigation will find any evidence.

Yet isn’t this the same experience that any & surely every truth seeker & wonderer has met with on so very many occasions – the triple padlocked ears of the media educated. I do not think we should underestimate the effects of non-listening.

Nevertheless my life force has buzzed again through the pages of this blog & the pages of others who write & the great hearts of those who lend their ears – not necessarily agreeing, but nevertheless hearing. My thanks goes to all of you.

So where does that leave us? I’m sure that way beyond the small life that we’re taught to accept, is another one – in that life feelings & intuition are real, they are ‘accepted anywhere.HOW did we ever let ourselves get caught in such small lives that we could not say ‘this is so because I feel it to be so?

Still, I feel triumphant.

I am bloody sure that there is a deep connection being created. As I have contemplated this article over the past few weeks, others have brought their honesty & pain forward to weave a far greater masterpiece of living. Ben from HPANWO has a marvellous story of personal remembering & healing that came through his reading of Ellis Taylor’s new book Dogged Days. Ben had emailed me prior to his story & it had allowed me to tell him some of mine in return, as a result we have both posted our stories, for ourselves & for sharing.

I was walkng through a mall this week, merrily blogging away about death (in my head), when directly in front of me a young girl turned to her mother & before my very eyes & ears asked, “When you die will you come back alive again?” – I realise synchs are very personal, but I was amazed, it was like reliving my childhood all over again – this article is, in a sense, a loving & feisty answer to the child I was who asked that same question, & for all who wonder.

Here is Ben’s article

January 18, 2009. Uncategorized.


  1. Devin replied:

    wise-as always with your posts I will have to come back to this many many times-you touched on so many subjects I have felt and wondered about for years-I think it is fantastic-that not only with your own musings and thoughts-that you also linked to Ben’s Centaur article! That article also brought memories of an ex of mine-much less violent and scary-but a real energy siphon-I too growing up was ignored and made invisible-not by family thank god-my family remembers me as a very young child with this beautiful inquisitive smile and wonder about the world-by the time I got to my teen years the world was already making hamburger out of me-i started to make MYSELF invisible-there is a photo of myself in my sophomore year of high school where I am so stooped shouldered from shyness it looks like i have scoliosis or something-i will post it at my blog maybe soon-I was tall-6’2 so was already hiding in my shell-your point about seeing ‘living dead people’ really rang a lot of bells with me and I want to come back soon and share them with you and the people who comment here-one of these was a kind of scary incident where i was looking at this young man about 22-25? not sexually:-) and his eyes man-it freaked me out-as I looked into his eyes I thought here is someone with no soul-no kidding-actually it was a small incident and i will try to come back with it later today-maybe from folks house-I also so related to your thoughts about maybe if our earth is the underworld/hades i mean could it get any worse-i hate those platitudes people say when someone cherishes dies-like oh they are probably in a better place-what if they are not? totally agree with your thoughts about why would we voluntarily come to this earth-plane or frequency of existence-(i am starting to think in terms of frequencies when explaining reality-i will explain here and at my blog soon-you are incredible wise woman! I told Xdell at the Xspot that his series ‘Devils in the Slide’ should win an award-I think your whole blog should win one!-and this is out of a lot of heavy hitting competition-maybe it is because for some reason on some intuitional level your thoughts seem to match/synch with mine so much-I am sorry to leave a ‘book’ style comment again-however I very much hope to chat soon! best as always to you and yours! OMG-just noticed word veri theenden-out of the blue i got ‘the ending’:-)

  2. Know Nothing replied:

    I love the living dead reference. It is of course the image of the Zombie. The mall Zombie, the workplace Zombie, they are everywhere. They suck the energy from you, by ostracizing the curious non-conformist.I really related to your reference to speaking 2 languages. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. It starts to become a splitting off of yourself. In order to participate in the matrix like world you have to speak the language, and act the part.The workplace is no place for truth seeking, or curiosity. But you have this feeling that you must do it, and so you are forced to divide your life very definitively. It is near impossible to provide the necessities of life without participating in the system.I’m with you on the death fixation, but I also feel the same way about the life-extension people. If you look into Aubrey DeGrey, I think you’ll agree that it’s equally disturbing.I wonder if the life/death game is any different than the red/blue, good/evil games? I am trying to focus on just being these days. Best Wishes

  3. wise woman replied:

    Thank my friends for your honest & generous comments. Some articles are harder & more personal to write than others & leave me feeling a bit vulnerable.Devin, I too was was made & made myself invisible growing up, very shy just like you, I avoided peoples eyes because the bad ones would just shoot something inside me.Thanks for you story of the souless man – it is my wish that anyone can freely say what they have seen-felt, when something is denied a jamming occurs inside ourselves. I am very interested in any other stories you have to tell.Many thanks for your comment on my blog, you are very generous with your praise :) I hope you are very wellMr KnowGood to see you again.Ahh I see you feel it too – this splitting of self, as you say – to fit into the matrix or to know what you know. When I was in Perth, my friend & I had long discussions on the pain we felt at being 'frauds' – being one person in society & another 'underground'.I am not happy with this situation, I am called to be authentic, but when you are blocked out it is or seems to be so very difficult.The death thing for me is the 'inhumanity' of it, we live our lives day by day & try & pretend it's not there, but at any moment one we love may do the great vanishing act. It's the not knowing & the not having one phone call to them that pisses me off, how come we just accept that? The best we can do seems to be spiritualist churches or mediums, why do I need a go-between when it is I who have the connection with the person who has gone – that's it really – what happened to MY connection?? Extending life is still playing the game, still accepting but fighting against death, still making it real – what if it's just a trick, like magic, but because we don't see how it's done we buy it?Dunno just questioning :) Hope you are well

  4. DE7 replied:

    Hi wise woman – very intriguing thoughts you write here– i email you before some my views i dont like to comment on the blogs very much.This is just to add this courius article aboutSanpaku Eyes – The Ill(uminati) Eye to quote you on this it sounds familiar…””invisible growing up, very shy just like you, I avoided peoples eyes because the bad ones would just shoot something inside me..””cheers

  5. Ed replied:

    It’s true, we really don’t know what happens. As Socrates said, “true knowledge is knowing that I know nothing.”The problem I see with Reincarnation, is that if it’s meant for us to come back and learn, why do we forget the past lives? Maybe it is a flypaper trap.I love my mother dearly, but she is a harbinger of death. She would call me up to tell me my cousins husbands mother in-law from his first marriage has passed on, and she is going to the funeral, although she has never met this person. It was an excellent post, I really enjoy your writing, and I’m all for giving death a good kick in the arse.

  6. Nina replied:

    i absolutely loved reading this piece! unlike some other blog articles that are long, i actually read this one word for word. it brought up feelings i had as a child–who am i kidding–feelings i have today–feeling invisible. yes, especially when used on a child it is effective and ugly. so ugly. not listening. discounting. disregarding. all so painful. my “spiritual” beliefs have undergone a topsy turvy journey the past year and i simply don’t really know what to believe. i know what i WANT to believe in–and maybe that’s enough. ?? maybe what we experience is based on our beliefs. again, i don’t know. i know something w/in us never dies. but i also suspect something else is keeping us on this reincarnation thing. and as you said–if we’re really here to learn something, shouldn’t we have learned it by now? i am believing that’s a lie, created to keep us coming back. but why? your ideas are certainly interesting. i have seen death–once. one who had died paid me a visit–in their earthly form. long story–this was someone i had never even met–well in this particular lifetime that is. freaked me out terribly–i ran from the room, straight back into the illusion of safety of my covers. just as i would have done as a child. but it certainly expanded my thoughts on physical death. this much i can say for certain though: the energy radiating from this person was unlike ANY energy i have experienced with any “living” individual. it was pure and amazing and so strong. the energy didn’t scare me–it was the fact that this person who had died had decided to show up at my house at 3am in their earthly form to say “hello!” (and confirm a message i received in a dream). it is one of my biggest regrets–not sticking around for what could have been the most amazing conversation of this life. i don’t know if i’ve ever experienced being around the walking dead. i have empathy for you having to deal with such a person in your own mother. that is very sad. i wonder what causes such a thing. never-ending sadness? traumas? disappointments? i know i certainly struggle not to shut down given, well, who i am, the family i came into, what i’ve created for myself and the outside world and how i feel. yes, feelings are soooo important to me. how i feel really does determine what is true for me. while i’ve never been around him, i would put cheney in the walking dead category. i remember once looking at him and received the impression “manufactured human”. a chill ran down my spine at the time. certainly i’ve been around people who have been energy suckers. actually i think we all are capable of such behavior at times. some are just constantly on the look-out for more people to zap to make themselves feel either better or less alone. i recently ended an on-again/off-again friendship for much the same reason. i couldn’t take the weight anymore.anyway wonderful post! i truly enjoyed it. maybe when our bodies give out, we should all say “WAIT A MINUTE” before assuming anything. someone once told me “upon death, do not go into the light. it’s an alien-yielding flashlight.” it was meant as a joke i believe, but it has given me reason to go “hmmm”…

  7. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Wise!Glad I caught this before bedtime! :) Could not stop reading it. Indeed, the Corporate world seems “dead centered” on keeping us stuck in their fly-paper, the medes always centering on death because “it sells” or some such nonsense! Very empowering for you to speak from the heart and reflect upon your early childhood memories, I truly think the PTBs try and capture “children’s minds” at early ages now because thats where the true powerful energy is! Glad you mentioned the “twin Bens” ;) as they write some marvelous musings!Thank you for sharing my friend!Steer clear of those “zombie like energy vamps”. I’ve seen my share too, and yes I agree with Ben on the Catholic Church centers around Death, and I agree with Matt Delooze’s comments that spirit mediums/psychics aren’t giving us any viable answers from beyond the veil, nothing useful that is!Cheer!

  8. wise woman replied:

    Ahh I see the band of merry butt kickers is growing – marvellous :)DE7, WelcomeThanks for taking the time to comment, I found the link you gave very interesting indeed. More & more I keep finding out or being shown info about eyes – which are said to be the window of the soul!Thanks for your honesty about your own childhood – it was hard wasn't it? – feeling & knowing things but not being able/allowed to speak up about such things.All the bestHi EdHow are you? Am very glad to have you in the 'boot club' :)Am with you all the way on reincarnation – over the years, when I finally stepped away from catholicism & allowed myself to contemplate reincarnation – I bought what I was told – how we have to forget so we can develop more – honestly how could I have been so thick?? That's like going to school & learning ahem 'facts', then having a brain enema to wash it all out so you can learn again – excuse me – what's the point, except to keep the cycle going!Yes it's funny how people get so obsessed about death, lots of peole read the obituaries daily – aarrggh why??All the bestNina, great to have another woman on the team :) After writing that, I'm finding myself able to understand more clearly just how destructive & controlling is the 'invisibilty' cloak used & abused by those on the straight & very narrow.That's the healing energy of the blogging world, we speak our own 'crazy' truth & others are willing to 'see & hear' us.That sounds like an amazing experience & yet I wonder why are things like that sooooo very rare, & it's like if you don't get it right the first time, you don't get another chance – well who ever gets anything right on the first go??? Also it seems quite opposite to us who even if we get it 'right' still seem to be on this 'forever' cycle. Shall we give your visitor a quick kick in the rear & tell it to come back again (& again) until YOU are ready!!Yes I can't help thinking that the majority (all?) of those in 'super' power are indeed the living dead – how else can we explain their creation & continuance of a system that furthers 'living death'?I'm with you on the fancy light at the end of the tunnel – maybe if we ask enough questions now, we'll have our own personal arsenal to choose just where we want to go, maybe we can find the 'endless recycle' button & blow that to kingdom come :)All the bestHi MichaelWell I hope it gives you some good butt-kicking dreams :)Agreed the real energy seems to live on in the children – at least until the ptb get at them! I'm not sure how much it is the children's physical make-up & how much it is how they are – their use of play & make-believe, always going straight for what they want & NEVER putting things off – unless it's 'work' LOLYes 'the Ben's' are great – indeed both were instrumental in my introduction to blogging.All the best to you – good to see you hitting the keyboard on THA again :)

  9. Devin replied:

    This is indeed a fine post wise! I do not have a lot to add-other than that I hope you and your family are doing great! I do so agree-Death is the ultimate disconnect-at least to some people-others fortunate enough to have an experience where they feel a former loved one has contacted them may feel better about this-but my experience with the subject is a complete break occurs-When my grandmother died in 1994-who i was very close to-i was so hoping for some confirmation that she was fine ‘over there’-never got the slightest hint-best as always and hope to be back soon in between fighting the ‘net connection beast’:-)

  10. annemarie replied:

    Merciful Jesus! You have written episodes, experiences right outta’ my life, and almost described my mother. Or her twin!Ex-Catholic here too. And long ago left that death wordshipping cult! Yeah, who in their right mind worships a dead, crucified man on a cross? Sick and twisted. And light years away from appreciating the wise, life-enhancing, loving messages attributed to Jesus (whether real or fictional). I’m so astonished about what you wrote that I can’t type quickly enough.Just some random things: was picturing a Moebius strip of fly paper. Have long felt that this world is a “purgatory”, a place where we get to glimpse heaven and hell, and get to choose where/how we actually want to live. And a place where we have to purge ourselves of certain things, bad behaviours or habits? Though there are countless times that I feel that I’m walking in or surviving a walk through hell. Literal hell due to the presence of so many empty vessels, empty people and their “traps”. Yet, there are other countless times when I’ve experienced near bliss.btw, speaking of languages/voices. It took me years to regain, or recapture mine. No exaggeration. And I grok what you say about two voices, but I only use one, all of the time. And though mine is not loud or vulgar, the things I say honestly shocks people. Meaning when I speak my mind, point of view in public, or at work for example most people are taken aback by my forthrightness even when I say something as innocuous (or should be innocuous) such as I don’t like teevee, it’s a brainwashing, programming tool. Honest to god, you’d a thunk that I slapped their babies by the looks on their faces, and that’s just one tiny example among hundreds. I’m sure you know what I mean. Anyhow…Haven’t spoken to my own mother in almost 8 years now. April 2001. I told her I didn’t like her and though I’d tried and tried and tried to, it was impossible for me. She was too toxic. She’s frigid, narcissistic, vain and lethal. She was always competing with me, and jealous too I realized much later. Isn’t that insane. Being jealous of your own child/ren! Sure isn’t natural. Not in my opinion. But the good news is that since the time that I finally estranged myself from her (the final divorce, haha we’d had trial separations before ;) I’ve been healthier, stronger and more confident and happier than before. That woman nearly destroyed me, several times. No exaggeration. I too was invisible to her. She was an insatiable mental/emotional vampire from whose clutches I escaped. As did my father when I was around 10. Sadly though, he and I aren’t close either because when he left her, he got himself a new family and my younger sis and I were soon completely forgotten :(Anyhow, I have a beautiful, full and loving life and family now. With my common-law husband of almost 10 years, and my 24 y/o son whom I raised on my own till about 10 yrs ago. I included these details to show that this is not a sob story, far from it. And that happy stories are possible, they’re not just “fairy tales”, but you likely to have to fight for them because the undead, the zombies are all around. I’m utterly convinced that their souls/spirits are dead or imprisoned in some other dimension. I hope for their sake that it’s not an eternity deal. And those goddamned 10 commandments, since you asked. haha. The 5th one to honour our parents is the one that has most people imprisoned in family hell. You don’t need any commandment/order to love or honour anyone. If someone is kind or respectful to you, you’ll be kind or respectful back. It’s that simple. Gawd how I despise the religions and the religious for the damage they do!btw, if you want to read “The Relative Stranger” a poem I wrote about my mother back in 1992, just let me know and I’ll email it to you. After reading this piece, I’m certain that much of my poem will resonate with you.Also, I’m convinced of this too: that Love is the answer, and that Music is the key. In my case, music saved my life and love saved my soul. And I think that Celtic Rebel (or was it one of his readers) said that we’ve got to sing our way out of here. I’m doing my bit, that’s for sure. Singing and dancing, and loving as much as I can :)Thank you so much Wise. You are a wonderful woman and I can tell from your mentions of him that your son is loved, loving, and lucky to have you as his mum. As lucky as you are to have him, I’m sure. Talk about kicking death up the arse eh! Yes, success is the best [revenge]. Keep on dear woman. Keep on. p.s. I’m gonna’ havta’ give this another read or two, there’s so much that you’ve said in here. Yes, we’ve been lied to about so much it’s mind boggling. But once you realize that there’s no turning back, is there. Besides, in my case, I prefer this view, though it’s sometimes a lonely road to travel. My god, I’ve got a gazillion things I’d like to say, but won’t cause I’m just going to babble on. So I’ll end now with a big, hearty Ta :)

  11. annemarie replied:

    p.s.”Children should be seen and not heard” is an ugly, hateful comment I heard many a time as a child. Mostly from my maternal grandmother. And now when most people speak of her, in fact since the minute she died, in soft and reverent tones they speak about a nearly saintly woman, not the actual terrifying scold that she really was. sigh

  12. wise woman replied:

    Greetings Devin :)Good to see you back for a second 'kick' – my kind of guy :)Yes I understand that disconnect. I've only had two people that I was connected to die. My aunt died 6 years ago & although I've had a couple of vague dreams & songs coming on the radio with her name, the 'connection' we had is not there. And the thing is we'd settle for just knowing they're ok – that's how we live on this side of the fly-paper, why would it ever be any different – we'll go through torment as long as we know they are ok. …However now I want the whole deal, reconnection AND understanding & who knows if we demand it or go & forth & bloody well get it ourselves maybe that will change this whole gameplan in our favour (& theirs – maybe they are waiting for us to do just that??)My friend it is my wish that you reconnect with your grandmother.All the bestHey AnnemarieThat was one ass-kicking comment, you made me laugh & it was so good to hear what you had to say. You know it's funny that you should mention our mother's as twins, for it reminds me of a lady I met some time ago, who in appearance was the twin of my mother – but my god, what a difference – it was like looking at an alternate version of her – this lady went travelling all over the world by herself. We both played social badmington – she would always walk there alone even if it was raining or pitch black, never accepted a lift – just didn't seem to be afraid of anything nor willing to lean on anyone. I remember one night I just 'sunned' myself in her personality – an attempt at healing. My aunt who was my mother's sister was also completely different -I've never met one such as her for loving a laugh.Yes this is a strange world & it's history & cruelty makes no sense, for no living human would willingly commit the acts that litter the past – why, why, why have these things happened – who the hell invented the term 'human nature' – what a load of bollocks – human nature is living!Well I'm envious of your 'one' language – am working on this & also on trying to understand why I get so tongue-tied. Give me a week or two & I can articulate on paper (or computer screen)! Man I laughed when you said you didn't like your mother – I really do understand & that is your truth. Yes the commandments have made a real hash of family life – just because we arrive with a certain group of people on this planet does not mean that they are connected to us. How can our souls deal with great pain if we are not honest – if I say I don't like my mother, then I have created a statement that my inner self can work at soothing & healing, if I ignore it, it doesn't go away & after a while it starts to smell real bad!I have found I need distance from my mother, she needs it too, for she will try & collapse on me if I give an inch. I wish her no harm & I would hate to see her hurt but my soul needs distance & the thing is she's absolutely fine – I'd say she's happier in her own way now than she ever was when my family were under her.Yes please I'd love to read your poem, my email address is on my profile page.ahh yes 'grannies' – yours is not the first comment I've had about scary grannies – so much for all the happy family BS we got served up by tv – I think if we tell it like it is/was we cannot become the living dead & maybe somehow we can help them too.Many, many thanks Ammemarie for your comments – I really appreciated them – feel free to email anything else you want to say & I admire the honesty of what you have said.I think we'll definitely have you in one of the front positions – that's a mighty fine kick you have :)

  13. nobody replied:

    Annemarie!Good God, it’s been so long. How are you? I’ve often wondered where you went and how you’ve been.Sorry wise woman to be taking up space off-topic. Poor of me I know. —Annemarie, if you wanted to drop into the church and leave a comment with your email address, I shan’t post it, but we can have a chat. I thought you’d disappeared off the face of the earth, but here you were in NZ, ha ha. You were my original muse, you know… do drop us a line mate, I’d love to hear from you.

  14. annemarie replied:

    Hallo Wise,Now you’ve gone and made me laff! Ta lady. A front position you say? No problemo, I’ve been practicing for a while and have quite a strong, swift kick. ;)Yeah, I shoulda’ added too that I wish my mudder no ill, I’d be sick if I thought that anyone hurt her or that she was suffering, but I honestly cannot spend more than a few minutes in her presence without becoming physically ill. And her voice, something which I once loved, only grates now. I used to love her sooooo much. What a loss, what a lost opportunity that was. And fear? Omigawd, she was or is afraid of bloody everything. No trust, zero, nada. She instilled a lot of that in me too. I’ve managed to exorcise much of it. Not all. Not yet. I mentioned this –how you wrote about your mother and how much she resembles mine–to my son and he said “strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words”. Exactly. That’s exactly how it felt reading what you wrote.I’ll type up that poem and email it to you tomorrow. Late now, energy fading, must sleep. Thanks again, g’nite and Sweet dreams,

  15. annemarie replied:

    Hallo nobody,I’ll look at the ‘church’ tomorrow and send you an email. g’nite mite ;)

  16. Ben Emlyn-Jones replied:

    Hi WW. You know what they say about great minds thinking alike! It seems we were both on the same train of thought. Like me you know what it’s like to live close to a “living dead” person. It’s as if there’s a whirlpool sucking all your own life force our of your soul! I was recently reminded of my past by Ellis’ book and decided to write about it too. This I have found very healing, empowering and inspiring. I don’t know how many of these “living dead” people exist. It’s not quite “Dawn of the Dead” yet, but nevertheless they are far from uncommon. I’ve know one other, a woman at work. Someone I thankfully don’t have to work with any more. She was exaclty the same as the other Living-Dead person I knew and made the lives of many people a misery.I rejected the Catholic concept of death years ago, but the only alternative commonly available to that, and the one most ex-Christians are faced with, is absolute materialism: the notion that there is no soul, only intellect that is the product of the activitiy of the physical brain; and when you die your intellect dies too. This gloomy scenario (Well, it’s a gloominess that has generated its own presitige culture and to accept it gives you a bizarre kind of back-slapping street-cred, a “gloominess acceptance patrol”. I call this MBA- Materialist Bravery Award) is the only conventional alternative. It took me years to understand that it was not, and that both it and religion were wrong.But oddly enough, the very thoughts that occured to you also occurred to me last week, although I described them to myself differently. I see people dying all the time and I began to wonder if what I was witnessing was the inevitable illusiary perception that occurs when a soul severs its link to this 3D/linear-Time Plain. Based on the functioning Laws of Reality that this 3D/linear-Time Plain operates on what else could one see in that situation?

  17. Ben Emlyn-Jones replied:

    Hey, WW, you remember when you invented an alternative word for cancer: “Knickers”? Why not invent another, equally absurd and laughable word for death?

  18. VileVeil replied:

    I never had much fear of death and even less so since I became a devotee of Shiva. Shiva sits in the cremation ground and covers himself in the ashes of dead people (also the Aghori sect of Shiva devotees do this in imitation)In the Hindu pantheon Shiva also has power over the God of Death, Yama. I think Shiva kicks his butt quite often!I have met a few of the living dead though and quite a lot of the energy vampires. I wonder, are we in their world or are they in ours?

  19. wise woman replied:

    Anne MarieMany thanks for your poem :)Hiya BenThat was a good description about a whirlpool – it is definitely a type of suction feeling – maybe the inventor of the vacuum cleaner had felt it too!!I'm certainly wondering about the illusory nature of death & I certainly do feel we have a right & indeed a need to know. From what I can see we'd fight to the death for our loved ones, but then we stop because we totally believe there's nothing more we can do – I just wonder if we need to expand our vision. Flying was impossible once, so can we create a world where at the very least we keep our connection with those we love. I certainly think we should wonder & question more.LOL I was originally going to call this article 'Knickers to Death' & then it was going to be "Going After Death with a Pitchfork', but I saw the Father Ted clip & that was just too good to pass up.I very much like your idea of renaming it, for I'd say there is a great deal of 'death' in the word 'death. I was thinking if it was called something like 'putrefaction' I wonder if 'death' rates would drop beacuse suddely it becomes very 'unappealing'. There is far too much hidden behind the concept of death – like bravery, heroism, martyrdom, noble sacrifice & righteousness. There is all the interest aroused by young & 'tragic' death – think of Romeo & Juliet – however if we said they'd decomposed would that create a different outlook I wonder? If you have any ideas on renaming 'decomposing' please let me know – I'll kick it round myself & hope it doesn't fall apart!All the best to youHi again VileVeilYes I read a bit about Shiva while I was wandering round the internet.Death seems to have many faces male & female, a slippery little bugger tho' – I wonder who gave him/her the job & whether a new job description might not be in order. I think on the whole people don't fear death so much for themselves, it is for their loved ones that they suffer – & this is where I have my biggest gripe – I see process of death in this world as needlessly cruel.All the best

  20. celticrebel replied:

    Death and taxes. Two things only certain if you concede to them being so. I recall when I was little, after my first funeral, crying all night cause “I didn’t want to die.” My mum, calmed me [sort of but not really] and told how it was “all part of the cycle and wouldn’t happen for a long time.”A friend was over with her little girl the other day and the subject came up. I told the girl, “Death is nothing to fear, because you are immortal. Death is just a door from one play-world to the next. You’ll never die, because nothing can truly ever kill you.””That’s very confusing,” was her response, but fear had left her mind. My friend thanked me. Now, why couldn’t someone have said the same to me when I was little?

  21. wise woman replied:

    …and we do concede to it, all the time, because it is a fact (apparently!)Very well done on your words – yes exactly, it would have been such a blessing to have such words spoken to us. Kids have such an understanding of life & I'm sure that before we indcotrinate & burst their bubble, they understand that death is impossible.ATB

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