The illusion mysteries of the once & future self

Yet the only real & lasting sense of self-worth
that a person can have is the feeling of
& for her essential self,
the sense of being real,
of doing what possibly she alone thinks appropriate
from Trapped in the Mirror

I thought the second part of this
mini-serious on truth
would be more …
errr poe-tic,

… but we are taking a detour.

I have to get personal or this just won’t make sense – I’ll try & keep it brief.

Over the last few months,  it has felt as if I was forcibly thrust back into the world of childhood …

A narcissist attempts to define his children’s reality.
He tells them what they are feeling & thinking,
in contradiction to what they really do feel & think

… & whilst there,  ingeniously forced to confront that which I had ingeniously avoided. The term ‘nightmare’ could be a good all-round adjective.

It was most interesting to me, that although arriving by a different route, my sister met me on the same track at the same time.

After way too many mis-taken years, ‘honesty’ was invited in to take tea with us.

My sister has been going to see a lady who hEARS her.

This lady introduced her to the concept of Narcissism & a book calledTrapped in the Mirror.

It should be understood that the narcissistic personality represents a serious malfunction, something that might be labelled an illness under the medical model.”

My sister quickly passed on the book to me because its words & my struggles to understand bore resounding echoes.  I was skeptical, but curious.

The result?


I have slept with this book by my pillow for the last few weeks, for the simple, magnificent joy of having understanding close to me. Now my nonsensical childhood makes sense.  Now so many of my foggy, round & round struggles in life are coming into focus.

After so very long I can let myself see.  I am told to let go trying to understand, because understanding isn’t possible.  At least not in the way I sought.

But a different kind of understanding awaits my summons.  If I will call honesty ‘home’ to me & allow it to see through my eyes – the healing can come.

If I call honesty – it will find me

Imagine being raised in a room in which all the walls are distorted … & they continually change their shape ever so slightly.  The only window is a narrow slit set high up & containing distorting glass … this is what happens to your perception when you live with a narcissistic parent.

Shortly after I started reading this book, I had an intense dream where two young girls are murdered.  The first time there is so much blood in the street.

The second murder takes place in my home – there is blood all over the carpet – way too much blood – I can’t bear to see it & throw a bucket of water over it – it fades, but when the CSI team come, I speak up & tell them what I have done.  I wake & realise  that my dream has shown me what I could not face – the long ago soul murder of two small girls – my sister & myself & how I covered it up.

I get out of bed & find the cat has been sick on the carpet – I have to clean it up – my dream crossing into reality.  Directly after this, I find the body of a ‘bird‘ (“maiden, young girl”) lying on the carpet under my bed – the cat has been busy indeed turning dreams into reality.

A few days later I find a needle lying on the floor where the bird lay.   It returns a memory to me – a stab of pain as I cross the carpet in my childhood home.  I can hardly walk, but nothing can be seen.  A few days later an x ray shows a needle embedded in my foot.  The willingness to feel & see now, allows me interpret that event as a truly living metaphor – my sole (soul) had been pierced.

Why am I telling you this?

Partly because I think our life-lived is language

We have been telling ourselves stories
for a very long time,
… but we have not been listening.

The body speaks about emotional states that the mind cannot understand.

There’s a change in the air.
Can you feel it?
The stories are coming quicker & faster now.

Mostly I am writing this because of the liberation that has come through digesting the concept of Narcissism.

I had thought it simply described a person who was self-absorbed, selfish, dictatorial – the kind of person you might have to work with, but definitely would not associate with.

I was wrong.

The narcissistic parent is one who brings a child into the world & then systematically denies him or her the right to life.  In a sense, they devote themselves to the eradication of their children as human beings – they nullify & void them.

Any pennies dropping yet?

They should be because the concept of narcissism fits so chillingly into the first part of this series.

You see it now seems so very clear (to me)
… in the (very)  beginning

the original ‘trapped man in the mirror‘ was …
ovahian narcissist

Narcissism is closer to parasitism … [It] allows me to use you as if I exist in singular perfection & you are there to serve me. A narcissist feeds on his children but his children do not receive reciprocal benefit.”


The serpent tempts the woman to eat from the tree of knowledge,
telling her that it will make her more like God and it will not lead to death

The child of a narcissist is raised to feel guilty for desiring independence.”

Despite his grandiosity, the narcissist is remarkably thin-skinned, forever taking offence & feeling mistreated especially when people appear to have eliminated the extras in response to him.”

So what is there to back up this heretical statement that Jehovah was indeed a narcissist?

Well it’s right there in black & white in the Black & White Bible Show:

And the $100, 000 give-away clue?

These words:


“The narcissistic parent wants to be beyond criticism, to be mirrored as a god.  The obedient child surrenders his awareness.

This is what Narcissists do – they see/make their children into an extension of themselves – they simply cannot tolerate individuality.

Not only do narcissists see things … at deviance from reality, which is common in all disturbed people, but they insist that you see things in this way too.  They insist because every difference in your perception is experienced as an attack upon themselves. They methodically wipe out their children’s attempts to develop their own perceptions.”

They cannot handle disobedience.

When we live the defensive life, our energy is tied up in defensive structures & we cannot know the self.

Or choosing your own path.

Or any form of independence.

The efforts of the slave must not be noticed, while he gives royalty its due.

Let us re re-interpret the Garden of Eden story, so that yet another layer is revealed.

Well you surely don’t think one explanation is enough?

Where’s the fun in that?  We are being creators here.  If you’re up for it we’re going to take some bible stories & turn them into re-parables for the re-pairing of body & soul

For today only & for the low, low price of $29.95
(to be paid directly into my narSwisstic bank account),
we are going to give ourselves
some new stories

A common problem for children of narcissists is that … we do not know when we are actually being mistreated since we accept suffering as a means to winning favour.”

Looking with my newer, clearer eyes, combined with years (& years) of experience, I’m going to have to call out JehovaJa Way, JGod (call him what you will) as a rampaging narcissist.

Hmmm… how do I say this?
Oh yes, I think this will do …

The being in the Bible was a soul murderer!!!

In his mind, he is the center stage & other people are mere shadows …  This creates a new conundrum: “How do I get fed without acknowledging the feeder?

This makes his children – aka humanity – aka you & me – the children of a narcissist.

Now the ‘children of narcissists’ who will to heal, have very difficult work to do now.

Children of narcissists are raised to be believers.  Fighting free of the narcissistic influence, they become overly suspicious.  The next step is to develop our own judgement & to change what in our understanding is proved false.”

I want to paint you a new picture of Jesus.  Maybe you won’t like me very much afterwards, or maybe  it will help you.

I know not if the lad existed, but I grew up a Catholic & as a child believed in him 100%.  I know there is much talk of the bad old God of the Old Testament, but really it just won’t do to stop there.

Jesus, you will remember starred in the re-make of the Bible – the brightier, cheerier, lovier-dovier version.

Or did he?

Look who was caught candidly looking on, in the background of his demise.

His narcissistic father.

Tell me this – “Why in God’s name would a father allow require his own son’s death?”

Looking down the Narcissists Guide to Capital Punishment, we find that JC crossed too many lines;

He was too independent (Guilty)

Walked his own path (Guilty)

Was too much of a free-thinker (Guilty)

And yet, and yet …

… perhaps he was NOT ENOUGH of a free-thinker to break the soul-murderous grip of a narcissistic parent.

Perhaps Jesus was very real & very, very nice & wise, yet no matter how wise, loving or kind he was, loyalty, once given to a narcissistic parent will kill, if they demand it be so.

“The child … cannot let himself see that his parent may lack the ability to love“.

Now if our SAVIOUR suffered & died at the hands of a narcissist, where does that leave us?

It is not enough for children of narcissists to follow the marked trail that others lay before them.  Strength develops out of fighting with our handicaps.  We evolve from struggling to cope with our difficulties.

My son made a very interesting point when I discussed this idea with him – he pointed out that if Jesus was the son of a narcissist then he might very well have been fat.  Obesity is a quite common among children of narcissists, it is their protective barrier.  Would Jesus still be your saviour if he had a weight problem?

Rebellion can trigger growth, but only if it is a jumping off place to further development.”

While I’m here I feel it is very important to call LOYALTY into question.

SO very important.

Without a sense of personal value, they do not recognise the misery that submissive fealty brings.”

Tell me this … “If you love someone, do you need to give them your loyalty?

If you said ‘yes‘ …

… could you please go & hit your head on this brick wall, continuously, until some sense is restored.

The narcissistic parent lives on within the mind of the adult … the habit of agreeing with the parent become ingrained

OK, shall we try that again?

If you love someone, do you need to give them your loyalty?

Of course not.

They have your love!!!  What on earth would you not do for them?

From what I have seen/felt in my own life, loyalty creates some kind of  binding soul-contract.

Here’s someone else who’s painted a picture for you.

Yes that’s lovely … now if you could just sign on the dotted line …

Loyalty takes the thinking, feeling & growing out of humanity & replaces it with a prescription of obedience.

Quite simply, it’s a drug.

Speaking of drugs;

narcissus “type of bulbous flowering plant,” 1540s, from Latin …

… from Gk. narkissos, probably from a pre-Greek Aegean word, but associated with Gk. narke “numbness” (see narcotic) because of the plant’s sedative effect.”


narcotic (n.)… (early 14c.), from M.L. narcoticum, from Gk. narkotikon, … “making stiff or numb,” from narkotos, verbal adj. of narcoun “to benumb, make unconscious“.”

The word numb in Latin being narké or nárkissos is linked to the Narcisuss due to the toxicity and chemical content of the sap which can induce numbness.

What I see in the world today is numbness – soul-slumbering numbness.

I’m wondering how much of this numbing can be traced to Biblical Parenting – we blame TV now, but just how much of an effect did the Bible have on our predecessors?  How much did it open us up for what was to follow?

Could the modern programming really have taken such a hold if we hadn’t already been ‘well prepared’ or tenderly marinated by the  dirtiest, sneakiest, con trick in the whole of the Bible – one that even the atheists fell for.

Actually it’s damn interesting how every culture seems to have absorbed this one particular progra-meme – inserted insidiously & ingeniously within  Ten Commandments.  You do realise there was only ever two commandments – the rest were camouflage.

Shall I give you a clue?

Will you even try & figure it out?

Leaving aside the first Commandment which adds much weight to this article’ assertion that God is a narcissist

Being the one true God, He alone is to be adored, and all rendering to creatures of the worship which belongs to Him falls under the ban of His displeasure.”

… we are left with eight others that keep the mind busy while the real meme of the whole exercise is super-cunningly inserted.

Well ….

Come on!!!  It’s obvious, it’s numero V for Venge debtor

Finally, parents being the natural providence of their offspring, invested with authority for their guidance and correction, and holding the place of God before them, the child is bidden to honour and respect them as His lawful representatives.

Here lieth the bullshit.  Here is the most destructive meme on the face of the earth.

Only a fucked up humanity would require Commandemnts in the first place,  BUT if  directing was necessary then this is what should have been instructed;

Honour thy children.  Honour they Daughter.  Honour thy Son.  For thou knowest that a child who is honoured will become an adult who can honour & nurture others & thus ALL generations will be cared for unto the end of time.”

I wonder how many hackles just went up with that?  It never fails to amaze me how deeply embedded is the vile notion that kindness to children will SPOIL them.

Self must be found.”

Do you not understand that children are the greatest teachers on the face of this earth?

The parent cannot allow his child to be an independent being … what if you are doing something … he cannot do himself.”

Now ummm ….. what have we been taught to do to great teachers?

Ah yes,

yes, yes, I know about them …

but I meant

How have we been taught …

to deal with them?

Ah yes … I remember

Once the damage has been done it’s a whole lot easier to get the adult victim to swallow a death sentence – just ask Socrates.

We need to find our unique opinion. We need perseverance to overcome the problem of self-unknowing.”

English, the Master Crafters language, wittingly or unwillingly gives us in-sights into the children that come through you, but belong not to you:-

Son /


Daughter /

d’Or (Fr. Gold)  Tor
Door (in the ) Tor

Ok I cheated by using French – but the French word for gold ‘or‘ is tucked very niftily into many an English spell.

To improve a self mangled by rejection & improper use we have to experiment with being.”

Now lets look at the parents.


pare   “to trim by cutting close,” early 14c., from O.Fr. parer  …  Generalized meaning “to reduce something little by little” is from 1520s

All children need the benefit of … the rounded eye … that does not focus on & evaluate parts of our being [but] looks on unconditionally …  gives acceptance & heals the damage

RENT (in twain)

rent    “torn place,” 1530s, noun use of M.E. renten “to tear, rend”.”

Why have I been so hard on the Bible & it’s ‘leading man’?

Well the pair of them are the cornering twin-stones of the Western World, a narcissistic offspring of the most ruthless kind where the Land of Self has no importance.

Adherence to a gluey, assimilating, mass de-consciousness is ALL & individuality is as feared as cancer & receives similar treatment.

Children of narcissists need to dare to have their own ideas & goals.”

I have a feeling that the child lives on in the body.  That it IS the body.  Constantly telling stories but just as we do not listen to, or honour, children neither do we listen to or honour the body.  It speaks, but we drug, beat, numb or abuse it down.

Lesson Number 5.

Because we have been trained to forever look behind us, we keep tripping over our own feet …

… as long as we must look back & up to our parents, what use are our eyes on the road forward?

It is our obligation to look ahead.”

In this retelling of the Garden of Eden story, I can look at Eve & see her utter rejection by her father – she called healthily for her independence & was summarily sacrificed.

When men shake their heads over the apparent vagaries of women, I do not think they understand how so many were denied the warmth of father in their lives.

This fractures us.

All children need the benefit of … the rounded eye … that does not focus on & evaluate parts of our being [but] looks on unconditionally

You think we women go looking for “the one” – the perfect Prince Charming atop his trusty steed.

But you are misinformed.  Mainly we are seeking to heal from the original fracture – we seek, if even for just a little time, to be ‘the one’ – the receiver of the ‘rounded eye‘ so that we can heal the wound.

With her boyfriend as a stand as a stand-in, she works for & awaits her father’s unavailable love.”

I believe this wounding is behind a great deal of the animosity women have towards other women – a girl brought to womanhood with enough masculine warmth & attention does not need to be the one, for she is already warmed & whole.

If narcissism was translated into a temperature it would be ice-cold.

Is it a coincidence that the opening spell of narcissism – ‘narci’ sounds so like Nazi?

I’m going to leave you with a tale from Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb – the source of every quote in green in this article.  I’m pretty sure that those who’ve experienced narcissism on a daily basis will find the tale exquisite, others will probably find it horrible.  I am very pleased to say that my son thought it awful, while I, wretched person that I am, clapped my hands in delight at the beauty of the message contained within. (Added later: apologies to silly people who follow the news – apparently there are real life scenarios out there that may echo the following story, I didn’t know about them till 10 minutes ago – but I choose to let this story stay – if you’re of the tsk tsking variety please just walk away now).

A mother bird was able to fly only one of her four babies at a time across the ocean.  She put a fledgling on her wing & said, “When I am old, will you fly across the water with me on your wing?” “Oh yes, Mother,” said the birdie out of love.  Mother took this baby out over the ocean & dropped it in.

She went back for the second & asked the same question.  “Mother, I love you so much that I will save you.”  The second birdie followed the first into the drink.

Mother dropped the third one to drown for the very same reason & approached her fourth.  Asked what this birdie would one day do when it was grown & she was old, it answered, “Oh Mother,  forgive me.  I love you so much but when I am your age I shall have my own young to carry across the sea.”

This baby was carried to the farther shore.”

Most often in the animal kingdom it is the mother, the feminine energy that nurtures, teaches & then in no uncertain terms ejects her children OUT into the world.  No payment is ever required.  The children honour the parent & life by extending the same quality of care to their offspring.

When the child is honoured, the world must exist in harmony.

Pretty bloody obvious really.

March 10, 2011. Uncategorized.


  1. Brad replied:

    this needs to gestate….
    : )

    • Brad replied:

      I needed a breather there…

      I really just think that you have so absolutely hit the Crux cleanly on the Point
      and it couldn’t be put together more masterfully…

      No wonder we’ve all known that something was ‘wrong with this picture’ while growing up,
      constantly being denied to do what was fun,
      and then after having this train-wreck of an attitude so domineeringly hammered into our little noggins over time,
      we do the same to our dear little ones, and the cycle continues, and grows…

      How Wickedly Cunning,
      how Gloriously so Deceptive,
      expect nothing less from the ‘Lord’…

      Your thoughts are pure evidence that The Awakening is occurring,
      and you are clearly meant to be one of the top Broadcasters ‘Live! On Location’, not to mention it’s one more for the ‘Beauty Side’ of the camp…!

      Thanks again for your Wisdom…

      : )

      • alex robinson replied:

        Hi Brad you must have snuck in when I wasn’t looking – did you find the lemonade & apple cake :)

        I am so very glad you ‘got it’ – to be honest I only got it as I wrote – that is so often the way – you commit to something, you feel it & then as you allow the creativity to flow, so to does the understanding. And it’s not really like it’s something new, it’s just something we weren’t allowed to remember, it’s like a friend that we had not seen for so long we can’t remember their face until they come back into focus – this knowing is our friend & it’s coming home to see us (& for lemonade & apple cake of course!)
        Very best to you, shine on

  2. Michael Skaggs replied:


    I loved this!! Brilliantly put together!! The Narcissistic Jehovah! Wow, how did we NOT see that connection! Well, I do now. Some of the strongest mind wash yet! No wonder it’s so hard to break. Glad to hear how this tale helped provide you and your sis with some needed healing.

    Really enjoyed this! Thank you. :)


  3. Mick replied:

    Yeah, Brad is right, a period of gestation needed. Certainly, ‘God’ is Saklas, or is that sackless. I was having a conversation last night with a friend about our magic mirrors.

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?

    You just won’t ‘let it lie’, will you!

  4. alex robinson replied:

    Thanks Brad :)- sometimes ‘mourning’ sickness comes, but oh I wonder what we stand to gain by seeing ‘wider’ & freer.
    Very best to you

    Michael – thank you!
    As always your enthusiastic feedback brings warmth – what stronger force can there be in this world than a bunch of friends who are willing to play our way home
    Be very well & warm!

    Mick – I really enjoyed your word play in the mirror! I think mourning sickness is something we have to allow now – to feel the grief of finding that this world was lied into us. But its very doable, we’ve handled much worse & I think the benefits will be enormous.
    Play on!

  5. Mick replied:

    I think i’ve been in mourning ever since i was ten. It was reading The Hobbit that stirred the cauldron. Ever since then the anger of betrayal has simmered and simmered. When the brew is done i will drink the three drops. The poisonous residue can go to the ‘gods’. Its their due for taking up residence here.

    There’s a magic you are weaving, Alex.

  6. alex robinson replied:

    Thanks for the past honesty Mick & kudos on the future determination.
    Blessed are the healed!

  7. celticrebel replied:

    A beautiful weave or words and ideas here. My pleasure to read and contemplate. Hm, the Jehovian dictation of honour is top-down pyramid, the many sending honor up the pyramid, while receiving nothing but shite in exchange. Well, you know how this Rebel feels about that, and why J-Ho hides in AssGaurd.

    Love the word break-downs…

  8. Mick replied:

    I was at the local AA meeting tonight, which is held at the Saltaire United Reform Church:

    On one of the walls of the meeting room was a collage drawn by children all about Jesus and ‘God’, emphasising obedience to ‘God’s’ word and law. What gobsmacked me, was that underneath were the words ‘order out of chaos’! WTF!

    Still, one shouldn’t be surprised, should one, it’s all part of the territory in this conquered land.

    Have you ever noticed how all alchemists are men? I suspect they have a predilection for spiritual paedophilia, much like Tibetan tantrics. Feed off the feminine whilst claiming to spiritualise it. Great Work? Shouldn’t it be Big Play?

  9. Mick replied:

    As the Irish would say, mr rebel, “Bag O’ Shite”. Or was that Paul Hogan in his 80’s Foster’s lager ads?

  10. Fitzy replied:

    Get up off floor, dust off knees,…reset host address…system en-babeled…

    Thats going to take some settling in, but the first thing that came to me was,…look at the poster child for the original disobedient spirit.

    See when a Narcissus covers all its bases, it tells you exactly what will happen if you don’t behave.
    Our old mate, mr snake in the garden, defy the deity and ‘POP’ its off to hell with you. And take a third of heavens host with you for company, forever more dammed, this from the all loving God Jehovah.
    Perhaps the Rebel could shine some light on whether this first Actor is Satan or Lucifer, I recall the two are not the same by his reckoning, and I reckon his reckoning be write.
    Which got me pondering, is fear of punishment valued more than just blind obedience?, is one required to fear ones own potential disobedience, even if one does not disobey.
    In obeying our fear of our own disobedience, we are temporally cankered with self doubt and a terror of the very voice of self-determination, that is the self-revelatory agent within, the handmade, custom fit, bespoke stairway out of Hell.
    As cruel as it is, its a neat trick, boxed in, from within, one little story at a time when all the adults around you seem God like and bang, yer f**ked for Life.
    Ultimately the issue isn’t even that the deity SHOULD be disobeyed, its that its NO deity at all, and so has no RIGHT to demand obedience in the first place. What a sheister confidence trick that is, the gods and demons of man are a pale fart compared with the Absolute, resident in us all.
    The pisser is we share this head with other, less savory things, what a mission it is, to prune out the undead wood.
    Its apparent now your intuition is going Nova, and like the Rebel Ark, we’re all picking up similar momentum – i’m thinking you’ve kick a foundation stone out of this crap edifice called We-Al-Lit-tea. Nice, and recklessly done!
    I appreciate the magnitude of this spelling, it is cathartic.

  11. pso replied:

    Such a demand for the greatest of LOVE- from one who lacks it completely from the beginning.

    Yes, sure, I created it, and it is good. No? Well I say it is good, therefore -let it live and let it follow my every word. Let it OBEY me AND NO OTHERS.

    God talking to Self:
    Did I go to bended knee and smile at these things I created, and tell them through many tears, just how proud I am of them, and how much I deeply love them?

    Of course I did not do that.

    Instead, I demanded that they write about how much I am to be feared and respected. Certain select few will write the truth and tell the stiff-necked (stiff and naked) peoples, that I love them HOWEVER, BUT, ONLY -(CONDITIONS?- from the King of Unconditional love? Sounds a bit opposing, sounds a bit oxymoronish, sounds a bit like double-speak…. and certainly sounding hippo-critic-al or hypocritical)- if they serve me and love me.

    Thanks for the post Alex.
    Much appreciated :)

    yours truly,

  12. alex robinson replied:

    Thanks Mr Rebel :) It is very satisfying to think that beauty & rebellion can walk hand in hand – we can retain our spectacular humanity while simultaneously fighting for it.
    … And yes, it’s time to call a halt to the shite peddling.
    Very best to you as always

    Hi Mick
    “Chaos out of order” you say? :)
    Further research suggests that the feminine has NO part in the bigger picture of narcissism – just check out any painting of Narcissus.
    When you pay attention to our GREATEST teachers (on play) you find the real meaning of the word ‘commitment’ – children’s commitment to play is very similar to the commitment the mother bird had to her fourth child. Non-serious play is not acceptable – you join in 100% or you can bugger off – so big play yes & very serious play.

    Hi Fitzy
    Just give me a minute while I see if I can fit my ego into this small comment box :) – many thanks for your kind words.
    Getting down to business I very much like what you have to say about the possibility that the fearing may be more important than the obedience – perhaps there’s just not enough emotional ‘nectar’ in doped up obedience?

    Wonderful potent eloquence here “the gods and demons of man are a pale fart compared with the Absolute, resident in us all”

    It is a huge (behemothic, colossal, enormous, gargantuan, giant, gigantic, humongous, immense, jumbo, mammoth, massive, monstrous, monumental, mountainous , titanic, towering) challenge to prune the dead wood & yet I’m so goddamn hungry to experience life as it can be lived & to be around others who wish to live also – & honestly what other choice do we have other than life as a TVegetable?
    Very best to you

    Hi Patrick
    From my own personal experience of narcissists, ‘love’ is not something they want – I don’t think they’d know what to do with it, they might even melt or something. I’m fairly sure good old J’ova was after fear-slash-respect-slash-awe – non-lovely feelings seem to be required to feed that hunger. I’m guessing the love stuff was thrown in there to appeal to humanity & create ‘illusions’ of caring – it is so very hard for the child to see past what it has been ‘told’ to see.
    Very best to you

    • Fitzy replied:

      A Bit o’ Friday Night Frivolity Alex Robinson;

      A Lexicon Robinson?(Greek lexikón)

      A Lexicon Robin Song?

      A Lexicon of Robins Song?

      Robins Song?

      Robins SUN?

      Robed in SUN?

      Robed in SONG?

      Gets yer thinking, when one plays seriously, …yep, there you go, I knew I knew you,…

      A Lexicon Robed in SUN SONG, aka

      Miss Stellar Singing Compendium!

      best wishes for the weeks end.

  13. Mick replied:

    Hi Alex, i always equate serious with sirius, and this could well be a sirian play we are acting in. To my heart, the fishy beings have been writing sure scripts since Mother was knocked off her axis and nailed into time. I can’t take any of this seriously – my heart says laugh, like the gurgle of flowing water, or a babe born in love. my mind, though, insists this is a sirius matter, and great work must be done. Suffering is essential, sacrifice must be made. Bollocks! I hear the hurt of the heart, yet the intrinsic joy is palpable. Like you, Fitzy, Don Juan, and many others have said – our mind is not ours at all, but an insidious imposition to keep us distracted. All it can see is its own reflection, the gaze of a gorgon turning the heart to stone, while the ‘gods’ gorge themselves sick. The mirror is cracked, and soon the dam will burst, allowing us to free fall once again. A big thank you for your play, and i mean that most unsiriusly.

  14. Lois Martin replied:

    Alex, You’ve done it again. Excellent presentation that strikes deeply into our soul and as you state, begins the magic process of true freedom. Unconditional love that the bible demands cannot ever be experienced because the father himself doesn’t have a clue what that is. We try to love others when we don’t even love ourselves. Our imagination is limited to the false paradigm of good or evil which is two sides of the same coin and doesn’t allow us to imagine the ‘perfection’ that we are and always have been. If humanity could understand that is perfect NOW, our world would immediately begin to reflect it back to us. Imagination is the force of creation.

    Humanity is creation and experiencing it at the same time.

  15. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Lois hit the “crucifix nail on the head” with trying to love others and humanity UNconditionally (sure) when we do not love ourselves. How can we, when we were brain washed from the beginning with “guilt” how unworthy we are to even be existing in “gods creation” (sure)!

    There HAD to have been another time where the OLD Testament and it’s lies didn’t hold up and there was another awakening, hence bringing forth the NEW Testament, the fluffy version where all is Forgiven (if you just give your love and loyalty to the Master Crafter Narcissist). I think ‘they’ had to put that New Testament out there because it “didn’t hold water”. Of course, I’ve heard different theories that the Old Testament is just a Bloodline HIS-STORY for those inbred knucklehead bloodlines that are running humanity and the planet into the ground, but hey, we’ll see what “net” Yahweh has setup to catch those that “fall from grace” next…New Age Religion? (Even craftier, thinking you have your freedom but still dumping energy into the same ole’ mechanism)

    So what is the ole’ saying Alex? “Hearts & minds”? Once they capture both or one your screwed? *laughs* I like Imagination powered by Joy-filled emotion, that must be what pure Creation is about.

    Kudos again for a brilliant weave.

    • Mick replied:

      Sorry to interject, my belief (and it may be a lie or lief) is that yon cataclysm that happened ’bout 9,000bc, tilted earth off her axis and brought yon shining loony moon to our world began this lie that we live. The ickemeister is late in his news, but does good for those who didn’t feel and now can hear. Problem is, that most of those that felt went alcafrolic at first chance just to go comfortably numb. What a bummer! Love your thoughts, Michael. Respect.

  16. tom cuddy replied:

    It is much easier to look round eyed into the mirror while saying “I love you”. The surprised look takes ten years off appearances. It is reversed and therefore provides a different perspective. Most eloquent of you, much appreciate your proverbial wanderings. Children run away from home in record numbers. How to reform parents?

    I really love this kind of play.


  17. alex robinson replied:

    Fitzy, I thank you that was lovely :)
    Maybe that’s what we’re here to do for each other now – help one another throw off the filthy rags (sackcloth & ashes) we’ve been forced to wear & help robe each other in our true majestic raiments/RAY-ments – – Joseph’s technicolour coat would pale in comparison.
    Have yourself a spectacular weeks end too.

    Yes Mick, the mother was surely knocked off her ‘access’.
    I was thinking how no true mother would ever allow her son to be murdered, even if they tried to ‘sell’ her the idea that it was absolutely necessary, she would have found another way – there is a wonderful book of fairy tales for women, where feminine strength is acknowledged – the thing is what they do is always about protecting family & loved ones, their actions are always down to earth & very, very common-sensical – the actions of a Mother Protector – there is NO sacrifice.

    Etymology of “serious mid-15c., “expressing earnest purpose or thought” … from L. serius “weighty, important, grave,” – this is how children approach play – this I think is why their ability to learn & develop is astronomically superior to ours – plus of course at that age they have access to their own heads & hearts & are not afraid to use them!
    Very best to you

    Hi Lois
    “Unconditional love that the bible demands cannot ever be experienced because the father himself doesn’t have a clue what that is” – Exactly so – you cannot give what you have never experienced or allowed yourself to experience – if that big guy allowed himself to experience love he would probably melt like the witches in a number of children’s stories – narcissism is ice cold – love is toastily warm.
    We are indeed creation & I rather think that that creationing is becoming a whole lot more visible – these days when I speak of something, it so often appears a very short time later – if this is a power that is returning to us or we are (re)claiming, we have to find a way to become like joyous children rather than destructive, fear-impacted adults.
    Very best to you

    Hiya Michael
    Yeh same old mechanism! You know I’ve wondered if perhaps we never left Eden – perhaps all this ahem … ‘life’ is a construct created in the minds of a people that Jehova could never allow to leave – narcissists do not let their children go.
    Of course once they have had a hold of their children long enough they will have injected that narcissism into them – so even when a child is (seemingly) out in the world, their parent sits upon their shoulder & directs the destruction (aka the Fall) of the child.
    This isn’t about revenge or payback – how stupid would that be – that’s still looking back & up – it’s about moving deeper into/meeting LIFE head/body/soul on.
    Wishing you heaps of joy-filled emotion!

    Yes Tom, how do we reform parents? My god I think they’d put up a fight :)

    Mirrors always require the rounded eye – because we are so hard on ourselves & that is what we see reflected – no-one can look more cruelly at us than the face in the mirror when we have been soul-shattered (& who hasn’t?).
    A mirror is only ever half an equation – we forget that the eyes of the beholder add 50% to our visage – they see & create us through their own selves, that’s where the warmth comes in (or the ice).

    I adore the ’rounded eye’ descriptor – I knew instantly what the author was talking of – have often spent ages looking at an image where that is so obvious – a clear, straight, welcoming, open, gentle-as-a-breeze gaze with unfurrowed brow – one of the sweetest things in the world.
    Very best to you

  18. paulo replied:

    me me me … we we we … meeeweeeeeeeeeee !!!! ( help ) …

  19. aferrismoon replied:

    Re: the story of the garden – rhyming slang for ‘Would u believe it’ = ‘Would u adam and eve it’.

    The major prob with the Bibular creation story is that everything has been anthropomorphasised, and when that happens, well, u have a creator god with a beard, that speaks and other unlikely events.

    The fairystory though does not appear to be going anywhere soon.

    When they leave Eden it is described as an expulsion though it seems far more like a birth, as from these two came the human race :)

    So lets say at the outset some of humanity feel guilty about being born and act accordingly. This would have an effect on the family unit at a deep level [ perhaps].

    Neverthless some bible commentators have managed to make out that the snake slept with Eve and then came Cain, the first murderer [ didn’t take long]. I guess the puerile see the snake as a ‘willy’. It seems that Adam had lost his or was just built unimpressively.

    So we soon get into the bible as a dysfunctional soft-porn novel of mythological proportions.


    ChVH [ eve] = 19

    AM KL ChY [ mother of all living] = 109

    AM KL CHY are the Hebrew words in the bib that describe Eve.

    Notice when Eve ‘becomes’ mother of all living an 0 appears in her 19, not unlike the belly of a pregnant woman


  20. pso replied:

    Hi, Aferrismoon. AM KL CHY reminds of ALCHEMY, to me :)

  21. Lois Martin replied:

    I see something in Genesis that would indicate humanity is experiencing nothing more than a Lucid dream. Adam/mankind/ego is put into a deep sleep. There is no record following where Adam was awakened. With the understanding that imagination is the force of creation I’d like to suggest that our reality is maleable, and is occurring in a dream-like state. We are not these bodies and Ego. Our name and perspective is preventing the knowing that there is no separation, we are all ONE, ONE Consciousness and responsible thru our belief and limited imagination for all the good or evil we experience and think we see around us.

    Believing results in knowing…..anything is possible in a dream. The awesome realization is that we ARE waking up and to me this indicates that ALL will wake up…’s happening right now. The fact is obvious here on Alex’s blog….and the comments posted.

    It’s the Ego that is being manipulated thru a false paradigm of good and evil and thinking that we had to choose one or the other. As we wake up we realize (with our imagined real eyes) that we are not guilty of any error, that the dream was a result of manipulation, that we have all participated because we are ONE.

    Perfection needs no god, law, rules, or judgment. Perfection imagined has the potential to manifest as a New heaven and New earth…….and the only tears would be tears of joy.

    Imagine perfection…..begin now….don’t try to even ‘picture’ what that would look like. Trust your magnificent and pure heart, not ego, and allow this perfection to manifest knowing there is nothing anymore to fear.

  22. Mick replied:

    you you…youyouooo??? (nah, can’t be arsed, i’m a Yorkshireman, more tight than a Scot, laddie). Alex may though, she’s more understanding.

  23. Mick replied:

    Aye Alex, serious – the grave indeed. My daughter stepped over death’s door and back again. She called it “a rather depressing experience”. She’s 2 and a half. Would send you a pic, but this is much too public. Fantastic posts in response.

  24. aferrismoon replied:

    Alchemy’s not far off, a whole lotta solve et coagula.

    The deep sleep in the Torah is ThRDMH which numerically looks like this –

    400+200+4+40+5 , the 4s indicate the resistance required for life

    In the middle is RDM which looks like Riddim, rhythm


  25. alex robinson replied:

    Paulo – the toilet is round the back on the left hand side :) Does this coded message from your submarine translate to the fact that in an upside down world Me = We? Or has the sub sprung a leak :)
    Be well (& dry)

    Mr Moon – Great summation – “So we soon get into the bible as a dysfunctional soft-porn novel of mythological proportions.”
    Had forgotten about that cockneyed rhyme, but it fits exceedingly well.

    Maybe Eve HAD to sleep with a snake – if we go by Michelangelo’s interpretation of Adam on the Sistine chapel, procreation would not be a viable option – his penis is akin to a (very small) earth worm (or rosebud) – not that I subscribe to the whole ‘size’ thing but just the law of physics suggests he would not have had the ‘reach’.

    That image of Adam fits neatly into the Celtic Rebel’s view of Jehova’s proclivities. The art-story of Narcissus also has similar tale to tell – the feminine is not welcomed. I’m not number literate but perhaps this wombing of the zero (109) is what we need to do – inserting it back into life, allowing creation to return.

    Patrick pointed out the ‘alchemy’ equation in the mother from the heBREW – I found that quite lovely.

    The leaving of Eden seems most like a birth & the usual pics of great shame could be turned around to show a mirroring of the pain that comes with childbirth rather than harrowing effects of eviction.


    Hi Lois
    Great point about the non-waking Adam – I definitely agree that that which we live in is malleable & I think we are surely reclaiming that knowledge.
    I’m not so keen on the oneness theory – tho I think we are most certainly deeply connected, I also feel that we are also deeply & uniquely individual & in bringing our individuality out to play now we unleash a magic that has been contained for far, far too long.
    Very best to you

    Hi Mick – am very glad your d’OR Tor stepped back into life again – death is way over rated these days, besides I think the price of property in the Elysian Fields has sky-rocketed with the constant influx of people giving up the ghost. May as well stay on & play on here & get the job done :)
    You can send a pic to my email address if you wish
    Very best to you

  26. dystopeon replied:

    “When men shake their heads over the apparent vagaries of women, I do not think they understand how so many were denied the warmth of father in their lives.”

    So true, unfortunately it is mostly the mothers of this (western) world that deny access to, or even knowledge of who that man is… why? because of their own parent, the state.

  27. alex robinson replied:

    Hi dystopeon
    The depth of the wounding of the male & female of the species is heinous – both sides had to be brought to their knees & held there by so many vile methods.
    My current thoughts for what they’re worth is that male & female are & have always been partners, but we were made to forget – if only one of the sexes had been brought down, the other would have turned the world upside down to help & heal, just as your right arm would do anything to protect & heal the left arm if it had been wounded.
    All the best to you

    • dystopeon replied:

      sorry if I sounded too general in this regard, I was speaking from personal experience… I completely agree :) peace to you sister, great work.

      • alex robinson replied:

        ok I admit it, I didn’t quite understand you & so generalised an answer – you certainly don’t need to agree – tho I must tell you I have only ever been wrong once & that was when I thought I made a mistake. :)
        Much peace & a dash of silliness to you

      • dystopeon replied:

        I think I was channelling Henry Makow there (haven’t read him in years). Anyway, yeah I have a lovechild – the mother showed me a photo of her when I ran into her randomly. She never said it was mine, but clearly I can see she is my daughter. I feel it’s my responsibility to let her know this and possibly embrace and teach my daughter. However, this could be deemed as stalking and could be punishable by the state if the mother would so wish (she probably wouldn’t). I would have to risk a criminal record to act upon intuition (which would nullify my abilty to work in the states). So it would be more accurate to say that the state acts as narcissistic) parent to both sexes. Now I really feel silly :)Sorry to make your forum a relationship column, but I think you are quite wise and I appreciate the responses.

  28. Lois Martin replied:

    The book of Genesis uses the name, Adam, for ALL mankind, male and female……Ego is represnted by our name. Eve is only feminine because she represents our Mother Earth, mother of all the living. It’s our Mother Earth….right this minute who is suffering ‘birth’ pangs as humanity is waking up(from the Lucid dream)all over the world to KNOW who we are (Perfection) and have always been.

  29. Rachel replied:

    Hey big sis, shaggin awesome article and so very close to home. Love to hear others saying that the bible really is a load of shite, only teaching guilt, fear and utter crap!although you say it in alot more words and you say it so much better like you are painting with your words getting so much more detail and imagery!
    Whilst I cannot respond as dynamically as “the blogsters” that was a very cool blog. xxoxx

  30. Michael Skaggs replied:


    She does have a magical way with words and weaving healing. I keep telling her she needs to write a book, and it would be MUCH BETTER than any Bible or is that Bable?


  31. Sibyl Hunter replied:

    Great read. I don’t know how I ended up on your page today but I’m glad I did. I need to run out and buy that book.

    This hits very close to home for me since I’ve recently had to accept that not one, but both of my parents are Narcisists. In a strange synchronicity…I, like you, for the past four months have been in a situation where I’ve been forced to face this fact, a task I’ve been avoiding all my adult life. And, yes, it is akin to being in Hell. But it is necessary. I see that now.

    I don’t agree with your take regarding Jehovah God being a narcissist. But in yet another strange synchronicity the reference certainly captured my attention (I happen to have been raised a Jehovah’s Witness as a child before I grew up and broke free).

    Rather, I think what you speak of is simply the distorted concept of God that was fed to us (by our parents). As you pointed out, this is akin to the manipulation of Eve by Satan. As you also noted, this happens to be exactly the same as the distorted view of Love they provided (God is Love).

    Once I grew up and started searching for myself I discovered God (and Love) to be completely and gloriously different than I’d been raised to believe.

    Your bird story was quite appropro.

    “She went back for the second & asked the same question. ”Mother, I love you so much that I will save you.” The second birdie followed the first into the drink.”

    Now I must be strong enough to save myself from the drink.

  32. Sibyl Hunter replied:

    Sorry if I’m clogging up the comments :-)

    But I forgot to mention your great insight regarding weight issues as related to having narcissistic parents. I have struggled with this all my life, too, and you’re right, the weight becomes a sort of a cloak or shield, a physical expression of the emotional diminishment you have been made to feel.

    It sounds unbelievable to those who haven’t gone through it. But there were times when I literally experienced noticeable weight gain simply by visiting my parents’ home for a few weeks.

  33. alex robinson replied:

    Hi Lois, In the Master of Lucid Dreams, a book I have a lot of time for – we are told that working with lucid dreams is a very powerful method of healing – if this is a dream & we are waking up to that, then we are perhaps more powerful now than at any other time in history as we are already in place within the dream.
    All the very best

    Heya Rach – shagging awesome to see you here :)
    We all owe this article to you & the good book, the good one about narcissism as opposed to the bible, that is.
    Thanks for the thumbs up on the writing, it’s a gift I made up for myself along the way :)
    Keep healing & keep shining. Love ya xox

    Michael – thanks for acknowledging my sis. Now go have fun & frolics & only stop to sleep!! Love ya too

  34. alex robinson replied:

    Hi Sibyl
    Glad you have found something that is of help & comfort. It appears this is a time of deep soul stripping & baring for many people. I found the book excellent because the author lived the experience too – she walks directly to your unself & takes it by the hand – she sees what was made unseeable & unknowable.

    As to the ‘gods’ of the bible, I can find nothing there that I would not equate to my past – if there is a greater being, it much surely want us to grow our souls, not shrivel them – & I do not think it can ever be found translated into words or captured in ink upon a page.

    Maybe it’s not that you need to save your self & so much as you simply need to know yourself. Also I have found revisiting old photos to be so very revealing in a way I could not see before.
    Warmth & very best wishes to you

  35. alex robinson replied:

    Hi Dystopeon
    We ran out of room on your last comment so had to come & start over.
    I am very sorry to hear about your child – little girls need their fathers very much, well perhaps I should say they need a male who looks upon them with the ’rounded eye’ – by the sounds of it this is what you have to offer.
    I don’t do ‘agony aunt’ stuff – am way too young & gorgeous for that – but perhaps for the sake of your own soul it would be worth approaching her mother & stating your feelings & ‘desire of intention’ – at the very least your daughter would want to know that her father had tried this for her – always we do this work FOR the children – the adults are too often just a large thorn in the backside, but we do it for the children!! – even sometimes to the point of appearing weak, but those who honour children are always the strong ones. That’s my two cents worth.
    And yes the state is most ass-uredly narcissistic.
    Very best to you

    • dystopeon replied:

      thanks again Alex :) I’ll be listening to you and mr. Rebel next week. All the best, Dean.

  36. aferrismoon replied:

    @ Lois:

    Acc to some:
    The mother-earth in the bible is absolutely NOT Eve, but is ADMH, or Adamah. Eve is a ‘projection’ of YHVH.
    Eve = ChVH in Hebrew

    Adamah is carnal and would have humanity live as predictably as in an ant’s nest or beehive[ behave].

    Eve is transformed femininity not an earth-mother. Earth mother and sky-father are kept alive by the priesthood which hopes all their children will OBEY their parents.

    Anthropomorphing energies such as Adam , Eve, Cain, Abel, Yahweh lead to avatar worship and consequently erroneous belief-systems.

    The messages of the bible are thus lost in return for a bunch of fabulous pop-stars. There were no toilets in Eden, thus no humans.


  37. Jaspal replied:

    I think this is your best work yet, which isn’t suprising as it is a subject so personal to you, so thank you for putting yourself out there.

    As someone else who had an ‘interesting’ childhood, I know what it feels like to carry the burden of the past on your shoulders, and the relief once you turn the curtain over and see the Wizard of Oz for what he really is. One my childhood memories which was a turning point was seeing my dad cry, seeing him as vunerible and human started the process of me trying to be my own man.

    It’s funny that just before I was drawn to read your site, I just happened to be reading a comment by some Hollywood actress stating that there were no female role models in the bible, and my mind just screamed ‘what about Lucifer!’. She is like the mother in the garden, telling her kids that they can eat the apple and they can be as good as their father. Even the old Greek (male) gods swallowed their children, afraid that they would surpass them.

    So the father is order, and the mother is chaos. Love and warmth is usually the femine energy, and the French for love is j’adore, which is quite close to daughter as well.

  38. alex robinson replied:

    Thank you Jaspal.
    These ‘interesting childhoods’ are everywhere are they not? Can you tell me what better symptom of lunacy there is than to take wholesome individuals & then systematically break them over years & years so they are forced to spend the rest of their lives attempting to repair the damage or create a world that’s artificial enough to hold their artificially ‘improved’ selves???

    The turning points of which you speak are vital – I’m so glad you had that.

    Loved your take on the liberating lucifer & very good reminder that the old gods dined on their children.
    Let j’adore be the new word for daughter – I LOVE it :)
    Many thanks for your honest words
    Very best to you – hope business is booming – (just kidding) :)

  39. anna replied:

    Forgive me, I haven’t read this thoroughly yet, which I will definitely do. Only reason i’m online right now is avoiding what i SHOULD be doing, so in honor of what i should be doing,I’ll at least try to convince myself I’m moving briskly here. I always enjoy your writing, and besides, will be compelled to come back and analyse just what kind of a fool I’ve made of myself by commenting too hastily.
    A few things in no particular order: Jehovah’s cardinal attributes as portrayed in the bible, are love, justice, wisdom, and power, and he doesn’t diminish human individuality by endowing humans with a measure of the same, and rejoicing when any cultivate and grow in those attributes. You know that, proverbially, “No good deed goes unpunished.”, right? well, just try exercising any of those 1st 3 attributes, yourself, or some combo of , and you may well discover you’ve unleashed a firestorm of preachy, scoldy disapproval from fellow humans, and may start to appreciate how it came to be that the name, Jehovah, is one of the most maligned of all time.
    Learning about him, recognizing his love for you as expressed in “his word”, and imitating him, provoking the same unjust reaction he provokes, you may eventually even want to volunteer as a witness for his defence. There is no sweeter life for the true contrarian. Because the prosecution/persecution just keeps on coming, you become a kind of a connoissieur of technique and character of the opposition. [like how w/ help of celtic rebel, we begin to recognize the signature of those who would recruit the unsuspecting for practice of the ‘Bugger- Arts’.]
    You seem justifiably angry. You are being angry in the wrong direction.

  40. alex robinson replied:

    Hi Anna
    My site is not about right & wrong – it’s just about healing – it is (hopefully) a place where people, including myself, can drop the mind fuckery of normality & programming for a while & sit down & play. It has done me a lot of good to see the bible god as a narcissist – & I wouldn’t take that away from myself for all the tea in China.
    Very best to you

  41. Kim Love replied:

    Morning Alex

    thank you for your great piece of insight, I never named my Mums madness towards me, now I know; Narcissism was my Mums middle name.

    I felt her hate and resentment and could never work out why she behaved so cruelly towards me. I have a fuller picture now, not the whole, but its better than I had before.

    I understand myself and Mum a little more…

    I’m gonna get hold of that book your sister gave you. A big thank you Alex.

    Peace N Love


  42. alex robinson replied:

    Oh that’s great Kim.
    There’s quite a few who are reading that book now, it saddens me deeply to think of the amount of suffering inflicted over the years – what a shocking waste of living – I know the media has done much damage, but I think many were driven into its waiting arms as an escape from traumatic home life.
    I wish you much healing.

  43. Anna replied:

    “The being in the Bible was a soul murderer!!!
    “In his mind, he is the center stage & other people are mere shadows …  This creates a new conundrum: “How do I get fed without acknowledging the feeder?“
    Look who was caught candidly looking on, in the background of his demise.

    His narcissistic father.
    Tell me this – “Why in God’s name would a father allow require his own son’s death?”

     —   all the fathers who demand their children be aborted?  aztec fathers, canaanite fathers.  any fathers that send their sons to war.  people that send their children to school,vaccinate,just so they  [parents] can fit in and not be weird, spartan parents.  adam subjected us all to death knowing he positively would die – “adam was not deceived”- and that he would pass that trait on to any offspring/descendants.   aren’t you requiring your own son’s death, by giving him birth?  every single human father required every single offspring’s death by siring them.  Adam also “knowingly subjected them to slavery to sin and death.”

    “Looking down the Narcissists Guide to Capital Punishment, we find that JC crossed too many lines;
    He was too independent (Guilty)
    Walked his own path (Guilty)
    Was too much of a free-thinker (Guilty)
    And yet, and yet … ”
    —-John 8:29
    “and He who sent me is with me; the Father did not leave me alone, because I, the things pleasing to Him, do always.'”

    “I’m wondering how much of this numbing can be traced to Biblical Parenting – we blame TV now, but just how much of an effect did the Bible have on our predecessors?  How much did it open us up for what was to follow?”

    how can bible affect ppl when it’s deliberately suppressed.  kept in latin.  ppl burned for printing.  even now you are forbidden from speaking about b/c
    that right there proves u are dumb.  it’s only a fit topic for gleeful academic eviscerators. b/c they ‘know greek?’

    “pare   ”to trim by cutting close,” early 14c., from O.Fr. parer  …  Generalized meaning “to reduce something little by little” is from 1520s“
    “All children need the benefit of … the rounded eye … that does not focus on & evaluate parts of our being [but] looks on unconditionally …  gives acceptance & heals the damage“
    RENT (in twain)

    “rent    ”torn place,” 1530s, noun use of M.E. renten “to tear, rend”.”  
    —–   if we’re going to do this how about pare meaning part as in one becomes 2 by being ripped apart.  =brutal birth, or c-section after which you render them to caesar.    caesar loves them so.  why some he drills personally and others he has drilled for his amusement in wars.  after they go to his schools their attempts at logic are full of holes and certainly their knowledge full of holes. mother’s life torn apart: pre-children/ after children.  your rorschach is telling you what you want to hear,as do your commenters, though I don’t accuse them of being false in what they say.

    next comes that “awful” [quoting my children] story.    and then about birds pushed out of nest, no payment required.  creatures of instinct.
     Q. why not us too? 
    A. we have free will . [and furthermore, feeling lost, are prone to take advice from wrong sources.]    

    and about your reply-“no right or wrong here”, possibly as result of my saying “u angry in wrong direction?”–turkish proverb–“no matter how far on WRONG rd….”???

    Alex, I wrote this a year ago, but didn’t send. I feel you deserve to hear feedback from a different perspective as well as the more usual. If this makes you angry, try to put it down to my exasperating age, 58.

    As for your “waking dream” of April ’11[?] here’s one thought that might apply: “”His purpose was for the [people of all the] nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him–though he is not far from any one of us.”Acts 17:26

    • alex robinson replied:

      That’s a lot of excerpting Anna – I’m still happy with all I’ve written so I’m not sure why I would be angry

      best to you

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