starting over

At the end of the week
my son & I …

are moving out of the house that has been
our home for the last 11 years.

He did much of his growing up in this house.  And so did I.

It was in this house that I first met
the conspiracy movement
& it was here …

… I started writing.

Here also I met some of the best people in this world, even though I’ve never shaken hands with many of them.

This year I won’t see the tree outside my window come back into leaf.

At first it seemed as if this ‘eviction‘ was being forced upon us by a landlord wanting to sell.

But my son has told me of a feeling he’d had – that if he stayed in this place any longer, he was afraid he would become …

… rooted to the spot

His openness to this uprooting helped me see more clearly.

When I looked again I saw many ways that I too had called

… for movement & change.

Although it’s a very stressful time, it’s also immensely cleansing to sift consciously through the ridiculously collected paraphernalia & just let it go.

This year seems to be about the sifting through & relinquishing, hideously hoarded mental & emotional debris.  For me it’s been endless.

And now there is a new understanding about my mother that I’m struggling to come to terms with – dear god, how do people get so sick in their minds?

There have been two suicides within my extended family this year – both taking place on the other side of the world, but that didn’t make them any less shocking.  It can seem easy to put ourselves above these people & their actions, because we seem to manage ok.

Yet are we so very different from them?

Or is it just, that the cages we live in

…  are not quite so constrictive.

(everything in this colour comes from The Path of Least Resistance by Robert Fritz)

Human beings act in accordance with the underlying structures in their lives … some structures are more useful than others in leading to desired results.

Structure is “nothing personal.” Someone in a structure that leads to pain, frustration & hopelessness is not being designated by the universe as a victim of life.  Put anyone else in the same structure & that person will have similar experiences … People commonly believe that if they change their behaviour, they can change the structures in their lives.  In fact just the opposite is true

If you are living in a structure that produces oscillation you may consider this a problem to overcome.  It is not.  You are simply in a structure that is inadequate for creating what you want to create in life

No matter what dexterous position we take up within our cages, or what different foods we eat or books we read or wonderful new person we meet – as long as we reside within our present structures we will forever return to …

… the most comfortable shape we can manage within that cell.

If it seems to you that this is a closed & circular system, you are right.  If you attempt to solve, change, break through, transform, accept, reject, or avoid this structure, all you will do is reinforce it

According to Fritz, in order to be the creators that we are, we need new structures – ones based on creation, rather than problem solving.

A change in structure

will change the path of least resistance

I think it can be hard for us so schooled in suffering, struggling & earning to contemplate creating structures based on ease i.e. the path of least resistance.

And yet nature makes use of this strategy at every level:

Bacteria Take the Path of Least Resistance

Perhaps we can learn a lot from bacteria.

Do they work a 40 hour week?  No. Do they follow a religion?  No.  Are they financial wizards? No.  Do they follow the news? No.  Do they LIVE? By god, yes!

What is the most important (bacterially inspired) step we can take to live?

We must remember that we are the creators:

The most important developments in civilisation have come through the creative process, but ironically, most people have not been taught to create.  The creative process itself is a very different structure from the one most people have learned by default from our traditional educational systems & social upbringings

The current state of this world suggests it is trapped in an oscillating structure –

… & such a structure can never reach the resolution demanded by the creative process.

After years of dedicated work on the subject, psychologist Carl Jung made this astute observation:

All the greatest & most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble … They can never be solved, but only outgrown.  This “outgrowth” proved on further investigation to require a new level of consciousness.  Some higher or wider interest appeared on the patient’s horizon, & through this broadening of his or her outlook the insoluble problem lost its urgency

Have we become a mouldy mass of problem solvers?  If Jung was right …

All the greatest & most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble … They can never be solved, but only outgrown

… then we are going round in some seriously dodgy circles.

Come to think of it,
this takes me full circle –
back to moving home.

We have outgrown this house, my son & I.  I have loved it, but there has also been a constant struggle with cold & damp.  I no longer have the desire to repair this old ‘structure’ –  what I need is a new structure – one that is warm & cosy & heartening.

Perhaps that’s what these times are about – creating new structures.

Perhaps the reason we are getting so trapped & tired & dejected is because we’re trying to repair a structure that is impossible to repair.

Are we are trying to save a broken down, mouldy world instead of creating the framework for something new?

September 28, 2011. Uncategorized.


  1. sundaemon replied:

    Very touching – thanks for sharing.

    There’s a line from the movie Revolver – “there are no problems, only situations.” And we can re-situate whenever we want.

  2. alex robinson replied:

    Well said – thanks sundaemon

  3. recoveringmetalhead replied:

    At the age of 16 my family and I had to move away from our farm which had been our home since I was 5. A foreclosure had happened and leaving was the hardest thing I had ever done at that time and for another 25 years or so after. The ripping out of those roots became one of those pains that a human can become addicted to. It required all that time and many a heartbreak along the way to FINALLY let it go. A great deal of perfectly liveable life was wasted during that time.
    Now that real life has set in and higher wisdom has beckoned, my mother and I can talk and laugh about our time there together. When the wisdom of a son starts to shine, so too does the wisdom of the mother.
    I have a feeling that there will be times when the two of you can look back and see, among other things, wisdom in the framework that you have created.
    Great post Alex!!!
    Thank you

  4. Eunus Noe replied:

    This was lovely.
    thank you!

  5. Mick replied:

    Thank you, Alex. Synchronistically timely, as always. Have just been listening to Neil Kramer talking about the Protestant Work Ethic, and how destructive it is. I have always had a problem with the Bunyan type view that the road to freedom is almost impassable, mired with sharp stones and tangled with ripping thorns. And that the broad, clear path leads only to Hell. Being unemployed at present, i have the same PWE thrust down my throat almost continuously, creating a vast cross of guilt (which i refuse to carry as its not mine). People, in general, have been taught to embrace the confines of their prison as a self-righteous spiritual path, making them better than their fellows. Here is a much annotated quote that a poverty stricken samurai tells to his students (from ‘When the Last Sword is Drawn’):

    “As the cherry blossom splits through the rock to bloom, and the magnolia flowers though it is facing north, so i want you to run ahead of the times. Grow wild. Bloom!”

  6. paulo replied:

    Totally agree, why waste time on a broken useless harmfull “machine” ?
    The “House” is a higly neglected topic …
    I hope everything goes well Miss Alex :) Cosmic Hug!

  7. tom cuddy replied:

    I built a cabin once. It had views of Mt Hood and Mt Adams. I chose
    a spot on my 20 acres and, nestled in the oak forest, set points on the
    earth. I imposed a structure on those points inspired by the views and
    newness of the adventure.

    In the dirt I found an arrow head of blonde quart with the tip broken.
    I wondered and proposed why it ended in that place. I learned to walk
    around large rattlesnakes without disturbing them or me.

    Knowledge is structure. Your creation and inspiration are all around
    you and not to be forced. They are a flow, a wheel to be stepped onto
    while in motion.

    I sold that cabin after 14 years as an injury and death in the family asked
    me to once again choose. I now live in a family house and can certainly
    relate to the structure about which you write.

    Thanks for sharing.

  8. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Just catching up here…my life is in the process of restructure as well, moving from a “hood” neighborhood into a quieter area, and not even 5 minutes away by vehicle! Pretty amazing if you ask me. Thanks for sharing Alex, always insightful to come here. Good luck on your restructuring too!


  9. michael sygar replied:

    as usual,a suberb seems your blog title suggested your inertia all along.

  10. crystalinerose replied:

    i can’t tell you how grateful i am to have read this this morning, truly inspiring and heartfelt, thank you.

  11. alex robinson replied:

    Wow thanks so much to everyone for all these wonderful comments & wishes – they are truly appreciated. Forgive me for not replying individually – I have still so much left to do.

    Hugs to each of you.

  12. the living tiki replied:

    When I planned my trip to Indonesia and the Bali bombing happened a week before I was set to arrive, I thought I’d made a big mistake and wanted to stay home.

    When I transferred planes in Taipei, and the line for the flight going to Bangkok was mostly westerners while in my line for Jakarta I was probably the only one who spoke English, I thought I’d made a big mistake and wanted to go home.

    When I landed at Jakarta airport, and was confronted with a cacophony of people, languages, and signs I didn’t understand but needed to, I thought I’d made a big mistake and wanted to go home.

    When I stepped outside the airport and my knees nearly buckled because “oh my god this country is freaking HOT!”, I thought I’d made a big mistake and wanted to go home.

    When the cabbie suicidely drove me through unbelievable traffic (and around the occasional family with ox crossing the road) to the most crowded, noisy, polluted, smelly, hot city I’ve ever been to, I thought I’d made a big mistake and wanted to go home.

    Almost a month later, as I sat in the airplane waiting to take off from Jakarta, I thought I’d made a big mistake and didn’t want to go home.

    Alex, I wish for you much comfort, ease, and promise in your current time of uncertainty.

    “Home is the sailor, home from the sea, and the hunter home from the hill.”
    (Emerson, I think)

  13. Joanne replied:

    Alex – All my best to you through this transition. I myself am in the midst of untangling some very deep roots to This One Spot. Couldn’t be any deeper really – I have never moved. The Accumulation of Stuff has been heavy on my mind in the process. It confounds me how effective it can be at holding a person back. As I move through this original foundation (which I was practically born into, talk about deep roots!), noting the objects and their purposes, the Stuff I find tends to reflect the meaning of my being here, sifting through. It’s hard to face, but it’s absolutely necessary.

    Everyone’s estimate of their inability to live, due to their possession of possessions, is different. But as someone who has never fully uprooted, you can imagine where I’m coming from in my own personal existential calculations. I feel the more I let go, the more I’m really *actually* holding onto. I can’t tell you how good it feels to finally let Stuff go. Stuff that’s held me back for years.

    I know this isn’t necessarily creating a new structure. But it certainly does breathe new life into the old structure. And it allows for an outgrowth of the insoluble problem :]

    Lovely work Alex, keep taking greater risks

    PS: I love my new job! So grateful you had a hand in helping me take greater risks as well. All my best

    • alex robinson replied:

      Awesome tale mr tiki – I have lived that very same story & know the truth of what you say – it seems most often the very times we fear we’ve made a huge mistake are the times when we are actually the most close to life. It’s amazing too how quickly those ‘oh my god what have I done’ feelings fade to be replaced by an ‘oh my god this is WONDROUS & I feel so alive’.

      It has been a very uncomfortable time, but I have learned in the last few years that uncomfortable times, (when allowed) lead to spectacular possibilities & growth.

      very breast to you :)

      Hi Joanne
      I was wondering how you were doing in your new work – I’m very impressed & happy for you.

      I’m beginning to think more & more that what we reach for is what matters, when we have ideas, life, loves etc to reach for we automatically & easily let go of that which holds us – you know I’m quite sure that forgiveness is one of the biggest lies in existence – we NEVER forgive anything – my god how many years did I struggle with that bs – no one forgives they simply find something sweeter that calls/interests them far more & by stepping towards that, they step away from the grudges & hates.

      You keep stepping into what you love & taking risks, & so will I :)

      very best to you as always

  14. celticrebel replied:

    Very nice. From the micro of our mother to that of your home to the macro of our [perceived] world. Nicely woven thread. Enjoy the move.

  15. alex robinson replied:

    Muito obrigada mr rebel

  16. Rachel replied:

    Hey Sis, AWESOME article, and guess what I even got it all!! You know I can struggle soemwhat with the written word and spelling but It was a great article and thankyou for writing it. I know how much writing means to you and you put your whole self into it,
    May the force always be with you

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