the speaking woman

My mother is not doing well.

When she was awake & semi-lucid today I told her that one good thing has come from the last few months – that my sister & I got to speak honestly to her – what I meant, but didn’t add, was “for the first time in our lives”.

One of every five families is affected by serious mental illness in their lifetimes

I am going to be very grateful for having had the chance to do that.

There’s a sense of lost childhood, a grief and a loss at the core of their experience

I know so many have not had that, or will never have that.

Mental illness “drains off the energy needed for a child’s normal development. They’re often forced into parentified roles before they’ve finished being children”.

Omalone1 left a comment recently declaring that families should be called ‘victim units‘.

I lean strongly toward agreement.

While there do seem to be families that are ‘healthy’,
there is a hugeunrecognised number
of ‘victim units’ in this world.

I have stated both here & on radio shows that I believe that the Truth Movement is made up of ‘trauma victims’, or as we could now say – ‘remnants of victim units‘ … hey we could have our own tv show – RVU.

Even though I don’t really know how much my mother has heard me, my mind has been given a gift – it has been able to replace …

… ‘the mute daughter‘ pattern
with a new memory
of …

a ‘speaking
woman
‘.

Once you get over nerves it’s not so hard to do radio shows or podcasts.

It’s a different matter speaking through the strangle hold of family patterns.

And they are patterns.

Which takes us back to my recent articles.

The mind is a brilliantaward-winning, pattern-forming-system – it’s so good it’s to die for.

I think my mother is dying from her patterns.

Anyone who reads this, & takes the time to consider that our thinking system may be the death of us, makes her life-death a little less wasted.

I am crying as I write this.

I will never know what turned her into the personal-nightmare I knew.

Not so long ago I translated my growing-up experience of her, into a haiku-type poem:

tattered years,
frozen metal mother with grip of death
father looks on, awaiting his leave-taking

At that time my brothers & sister had no understanding of what her condition was – we had grown up with the phrase nervous-breakdown-slash-depression.

I watch her now as she is consumed by her mind. It feasts upon her.

Is it possible that our thinking system is also …

feasting upon us?

How many times have you hurt someone in the last few weeks even though you never meant to?

How many times have you gone round yet again in the same old circles you have been travelling for years or maybe even decades?

How many times have you turned to the tv or alcohol or sex or ‘truth-seeking’ to fill in the time or try & feel alive, just for a little?

Fuck the apparent’ overseas threats of Iraq, Syria, Iran, or Stewart Island (especially Stewart Island), NONE of them will EVER compare to the weapon of mass destruction inside your head …

… now that is the MFOAB (mother/father of all bombs) that you should be worried about.

… some time later …

How strange life is.

I am just back from
son-rescue.
He phoned while I was writing this.

His car wouldn’t start – it was cold & dark & wet & he had just finished a university exam & found his battery was flat.

Luckily I have a good deal of experience in jump-starting old cars.

But we got stuck – the two of us just didn’t have the strength to push it uphill far enough to get it out from behind a parked car. A young woman passed us, dressed in what looked like town-careered finery.  I asked if she would help & she crossed the street, put down her umbrella & dug her high heels in.

She was the magic that we needed.

I’m sure my son would have preferred to do it via a manly-solo, but in that situation it just wasn’t possible.

Just another fine example that it’s really not so hard for men & women to work together.

EXCEPT
when
the
Platosocrastotle Thinking System™’
has been
rammed into place.

That’s the one that turns mothers into schizophrenics & drives fathers onto their solitary (Jehovian Virus encrusted) pedestals.

When we constantly damage our-selves & each other, there is something wrong.

We have known something was wrong & we have used the only tool we had (the ‘Platosocrastotle Thinking System™‘) to figure out the answer.

Unfortunately we never thought to examine that tool: –

… the ‘endless search & inquiry’ which has given Western civilization its apparent progress in general … with only the tiniest of complaints that the one area where we have not applied this endless search 

… is to the very method [of thinking] itself

Here’s a random off-topic thought to finish this winter-evening’d article.

It is said there is a ‘set’ amount of energy in the universe.  Forgive the non-technical phrasing – anyway, let’s say that this is so & ask a question …

What would happen if instead of fighting each other & the world & struggling incessantly to ‘solve’ problems, we set about the correct human task of creating, just for the sheer joy & passion of creating?

Would that not mean that we were
dipping into,
using,
&
applying
copious quantities of that energy
in a constructive & wonderful way.

What if a by-product of that constructivity was a …

… limiting/restriction of the amount of energy available to the abusers of life on this planet?

What if every time we create, we take back or redirect energy away from these ‘destructivists‘?

Could returning to life be based on something this simple,
yet now so far out of our
near-brain-dead,
reach?

Do the children keep this world alive, by their non-stop creating?

If so they are the most under-rated teachers & farmers & physicians on the face of this planet.

If that is the case perhaps we had better stop ‘teaching’ them & instead start learning from them.

Hmmm … always two sides to every coin – only the ‘Platosocrastotle Thinking System™ asks which one is right

For me insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity~Jean Dubuffet, expressionist French painter and sculptor

~  ~  ~

For those who have suffered with mentally ill parents or siblings or children here is a link that may ease your mind …

Children, siblings, parents, are the forgotten victims of brain disorders

Advertisements

June 19, 2012. Uncategorized.

9 Comments

  1. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Could not wait for the pictures ;-) But I will re-read when you do post them!

    Thank you!!! I had to shake my head yes in acknowledgement many many times reading this. Bloody brilliant creative thinking! I cannot wait for you to write your book Alex. You honestly should give that consideration.

    I hope winters slumber is being kind to you. At least your not shoveling snow in below 32F weather when you have winter!

    Speaking of cold, those so called “experts” that put that method of thinking out into the mass consciousness, really released a virus didn’t they? So destructive and counter-productive to creativity!

    Stay warm and dry Wonder Woman!

    Cheers!

  2. sundaemon replied:

    Not that I don’t appreciate you treating your readers “like family”, as it were, but perhaps such private feelings are best dealt with… in private? It’s us who keep the world going, and we’re here, right now.

    • alex robinson replied:

      Thanks Michael, glad it hit home :) Yes it is a virus, a parasite that feeds off the mind & fools its hosts into thinking they are clever.

      Winter has been pretty mild in my neck of the woods, tho’ I know Fitzy is having it rougher in the South.

      very best to you my friend

      sundaemon, I guess that this post was not for you.

      It is however very definitely for others & as long as I walk this path, I will continue to be this same vulnerable human being because I know it helps others who have for too long been trapped in silence.

      What was it that so unsettled you?

  3. annadiblaze replied:

    Hi, Alex! Thank you for this post, and all your previous posts. For me, the more personal you get, the more it seems I am able to find my own voice. In all honesty, it almost seems like my life flows alongside your blog at times. Of course it strays, but converges at some of the most critical, and important, parts of my life. I am just now catching up on some of your and your friends beautiful podcasts, and they are absolutely amazing. I know i’m not really ‘vocal’ in the blogoshere, but I really thought it important to express how much it means to hear and read some thoughtful, heartfelt, and honest words. I sincerely appreciate all your contributions! -anna

  4. alex robinson replied:

    Hi anna, thanks so much for that, I have also passed on your for comments to Sinead & Fitzy.

    Funnily enough a woman was speaking to me earlier in the week about ‘loss of voice’ – I think it is an epidemic among humans. In the ‘Birth of Pleasure’, Carol Gilligan talks about uncovering this loss of voice amongst teenage girls over & over & over again. I have understood this very well in my life & I have also understood that when one person speaks out about things made taboo, it allows others to regain their voice – just as you said here. Thanks.

    very best to you

  5. Michael Skaggs replied:

    Hiya Alex!!!

    I had to come back and re-read, you put so much knowledge, research, and genuine human ‘feeling’ into this! Your blog is your heart and soul creation, not only does it reflect yourself and your passion for research and knowledge, it also shows how a real human being can go through so much to get the healing process going!

    Bugger hell, I do my best writing and decision making when emotions are really felt and released! To hell with getting all “Mr. Spock” when logic isn’t what’s needed when it comes to ‘real life’. Maybe in that b.s. “Platosocrastotle Thinking System” people make “logical decisions”, but where has that gotten the lot of them?? Honestly!

    Thoroughly enjoy your writing, its full of genuine heart and emotion, which is what most people have so much trouble dealing with, thanks to the release of that Platosocrastotle Thinking System.

    Keep up the brilliant work!
    Cheers and stay warm!

  6. alex robinson replied:

    Thanks in-deed Michael :)
    Where has the ‘Platosocrastotle Thinking System’ gotten people’? – that is a very, very good question. Would an effective human please stand up. I know I am not one, but I also know I intend to be one – & honestly where else is there to go – if not, we just head further along a pre-ordained, narrowing, deadly dull track.

    very best to you as always my dear

  7. Kitty replied:

    Alex,
    I love your blog and how you put things together, but one thing really bothers me of late.
    I too have similar experiences of childhood as yours and have had to deal with what is often referred to as “mental illness” in those around me. My take on it is referenced a great deal by Thomas Szasz (Myth of Mental Illness etc) however. Although Szasz does not deal with “psychotic episodes” or childhood abuse (even denies it) his take down of the psychiatric establishment is extensive and unparalleled. Psychiatry has, in affect, given names to problems of living and coping, and the end result has been a complacent and doped up society. This complacency is not only in those who are drugged but also care givers, family and society at large. It does not allow for the reflection of why people are the way they are, and at what point we need to restrain those who are acting out in ways that make us uncomfortable and sometimes terrified. In Russia they still have the ability the classify dissidents as schizophrenic and lock them away.
    What to do. Short term medication can be useful for those who show they are ready to harm themselves and others, but then we need to unravel why they do as they do. Psychiatry would have us medicate a large part of society for all their lives. With someone your mothers age who has suffered and caused suffering to others for so long it gets more complicated, but we really shouldn’t be drugging children from cradle to grave and that’s where we are headed.
    Why are people crazy? They’ve been horrifically abused. Every time. It’s never just a brain malfunction, unless one finds a tumor or such.
    I just hate to see someone of your understanding and insight be pulled into the psychiatric box. I know, it’s difficult not to when you have to depend on them in times of no other solution. But don’t stay there mentally, please.

    • alex robinson replied:

      Hello Kitty
      Perhaps I have not been as clear as I thought I was.

      I am not being pulled anywhere at all. My method has long been to try to explain the direction I am taking & how I got there because I feel that by showing a ‘wide map’ of the process (instead of mere highlights), it makes the ideas more accessible.

      The path I am on of late has come about because of my mothers mental illness. I have always taken the events in my life as ‘starting points’. Had I not there now would not exist a huge amount of articles, podcasts & radio shows which have made a significant difference to many people. This article is not about my mothers illness – I simply used that current ‘train’ of thought to travel to the second part of the article which is what it IS all about – did you miss that?

      If I ‘tidy myself up’, I will have removed myself from this blog & it will cease to exist. I have no intention of abandoning the work I do & the people I care about here. Nor have I ever, or will I ever seek to draw others into despair, – but I have sought to look despair squarely in the eyes instead of running from it, so that others might see that what we run from is not so scary after all.

      Abuse is ‘part’ of the craziness, but I suggest it is the thinking system that is in place, that maintains the illness – we are so enclosed by this thinking system that we cannot see it. I believe that it prevents healing from abuse, & it is there that we have to create the change – once we can loosen its grip & learn to think in a more parallel & open ended ways, the abuse may actually be able to dissipate quite naturally. I suggest the works of Edward de Bono (e.g. ‘I am Right, You are Wrong’) to help explain just what I mean by the ‘thinking system’, because without an explanation we simply cannot see it.

      I will check out Thomas Szasz – he sounds like he might be interesting.

      best to you

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: