if things go according to plan …

… I will be doing a podcast with my mate Fitzy tomorrow evening.  Maybe we will grab hold of Sinead if we can find her.

Time will tell.

In the meantime I would like to give you something.

I confess I am drinking wine at the moment so my heart may be a little more overflowing with human kindness than my usual state. But hey what the fuck life is for living right?

And life has been particularly challenging of late. This week’s barefoot water skiing over …

… coral reefs has reset my course once again..

This year has been an absolute shit.

It has also been the most important in my life as far as turning back towards life & correcting the misguided flight path decisions I made long ago.

I doubt I could have made any other choices back then. But it has taken so much hard work & unmerciful events (lots of the fuckers) this year to force & keep forcing, important changes in my flight plan.

Strangely enough New Zealand hold’s one of the worst records for misguided flight plans in existence.

As far as air tragedies go, Flight 901 was mercifully painless to it’s passengers, yet it sticks in the gut of the living as one of the most tragic of all time.

If you don’t know you are flying into the ‘gates of hell‘ does that make it any less tragic? And what of all those people who have to clean up the mess you make?

In the course of changing my flight plans this year I have gone from a mild-mannered, peace-keeping, harmony-seeking individual to an (at times) stinging scorpion.  I am sometimes shocked at the fire that has spilled out of me.

I tell you of my life not because I think you are interested, but because you might have found yourself on similar course-changes & knowing that you are not alone can be the best gift in the world.

I do think 2012 is a choice point, a time when you choose (or a default is chosen for you), your future flight-path coordinates.

You are completely free to die.

And 2012 has a stunning lineup of ways to die
on this year’s catwalk

with fabulous choices in mental, emotional or spiritual death,
or any combination of the three
as well as
full physical death & the chance for 15 minutes of post mortem fame

if you snuff it in a media-delighting way.

The other course you can take,
of course,


Did the Mayans know a thing or two?

Not about the end of the world …

But the potential end of self?

Of the need to choose
to LIVE?

You know that reversing of evil & live that gets so chucked about – well I think I get what it means now.

Forget about satanic, blood-curdling ritualists …

 is simply when you say

Fuck off,
I refuse to live according to the rules of death
family, relationships, religion etc.
any more.

Living is when you stop hiding from truth – real truth – that which you have hidden from in YOUR life, for only you know, how many years. TRUTH is when you finally agree to SEE what has been there all along & YOU stop making excuses for it.  

You accept what is there no matter how much you don’t want to see it.

How hard is that?

As hard as walking to an executioner’s block,
kneeling down & placing our neck within easy reach
of a man with an axe
& a willingness
to kill.

Seeing reality quite often calls for death. Death of a particular way of seeing something or someone.

Death of loyalty.

The relinquishing of vows.

There are probably hundreds of individual reasons why we willingly give up our life to the fuckery that is ‘loyalty’, and refuse to live for ourselves.

I think one of them is the fear of the pain we think we will feel, & cause, if we live according to the needs of our belly (see previous post).

So I want to show you something.

WordPress shows me just how many (or few) of you click on the links I leave – there’s a lot of slack bastards out there.

Watch the link!

It is three minutes & two seconds long.

Turn off your logic & listen
& watch as if you were watching
a myth or a story

Let the hungry part of yourself that wants to live, see that there are other ways of seeing, feeling, responding.

… For those of you who were blessedly innocent & childish enough to watch & hear that clip, here is another short one – translate it into emotional terms & you will give yourself a deep understanding of how pain is fed & maintained, then see that there is a different path you can take.

I recommend reading this man’s words in the youtube comment section for extra depth & clarity.

September 21, 2012. Uncategorized.


  1. Johnny replied:


    I’m going to have to go back and re-read your blog from it’s beginning. I recently completed a study on how the space shuttle columbia disaster was most likely a sacrifice of some kind. Oddly, all the clues and details are given in the mission patch the astronauts wore. So much so that I made a short video about the event and called it “The Sigil”. Because that is almost assuredly what the mission patch was.

    This post alludes to the Mount Erebus incident. Even a very cursory look at the details of that event brings up the notion that some sort of sacrifice occurred. I remembered that somewhere on the net somebody had already made a rather in-depth look at the details. That person was, of course, you. So I visited your archive.

    Interestingly, your post on the Mount Erebus incident was quickly followed by posts on the subject of sacrifice.

    I remember there being other posts about the odd deaths of New Zealander yachtsmen which read with all the intrigue of a spy novel. I looked for those posts in your archives but either missed them or they aren’t there anymore. Any chance you could swing me a link?

    Sorry to bring up these downer things in a post you were probably trying to make uplifting through the philosophies of Aikido.

    ps. Oddly again, a link at the bottom of your Erebus post actually refers to how the plume from the Columbia launch wound up over the antarctic.


  2. alex robinson replied:

    That’s quite all right Johnny,
    Everything is woven together – it’s all there in this patchwork that we live in – whether it’s sacrifices, attempts to change this world, emotional trauma, magic, healing, life … it’s all part of the fabric that we weave & unweave with our lives.

    The stitching of this fabric is intrigiung – how it is held together – sacrifice seems to be some kind of sewing machine that holds particular pieces in place – as I am using this analogy I just realised that you were speaking of the mission patches – so we may be touching the edge of magic with this exploration right here.

    The yachtsman was Peter Blake. It’s easier to use my old site for the older articles


    very best to you
    … & don’t forget to watch the video clips – they are magic for your heart & mind

    p.s had a quick reread of Erebus article – I’d forgotten that Neil Armstrong came up in that – his the 3rd coffin in this article’s coffin catwalk.

    And of course a ‘shuttle’ is used for weaving


    • Johnny replied:

      You know how you know when you need to do something. You don’t understand why you have to do it, all you know is you need to do it. I couldn’t find those articles in your archives but I knew I had to see them again. You provided the links to them and in the one article I find the final nail in the coffin for my space shuttle study.

      I found this:

      Imbolc – “one of the four principal festivals of the Gaelic year … celebrated on February 1 or 2… which falls halfway between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox in the northern hemisphere.

      “Thus Imbolc is the official beginning of the Spring Quarter of the year. As we stated earlier, human sacrifice is required to properly observe this Male-Oriented solstice festival … The highest sacrifice is that of a victim who was innocently killed”

      The space shuttle Columbia disaster occurred on February 1, 2003.

      and by throwing a few letters around, how close is Imbolc to Columbia.

      Watched the videos but have this to throw in: Don Juan espoused the doctrine that you should become so aware of the world that you just become unavailable to your enemies.

      Incidentally, the work you did in those posts was phenomenal. Thank you for doing the things that interest you.


      • alex robinson replied:

        Aha Johnny, I’m impressed, you hit gold … Columbia = IMBOLC + Au (gold).
        The statue of the Sacrifice at the Anzac memorial in Sydney, AUstralia, continues to speak volumes about sacrifice in this world –

        Sydney War Memorial: 'The Sacrifice' Sculpture

        … hmmm never noticed the eagle on the shield before – another symbol of death in flight.

        I’m not particularly familar with Don, but wonder if he gave workable, user-friendly instructions on how to reach & maintain that amazing state.

        I spent many years entranced by the lovely ideas of new age wiselings, yet never moved an inch. We need workable ways to achieve change, new ways to perceive & think that we can actually use. In other videos by the man who made these you see the students transform in an instant when they accept, (but NOT condone), the attack. I think this is monumental – seeing ‘square on’ what is really happening – the response is so different from feeling attacked & then reacting by attacking back – but each to his own of course. I watched these over & over when I felt under dreadful attack & by walking into the pain rather than running away, something significant changed in me.

        very best to you – was lovely to know my work ‘worked’ for you.


  3. Johnny replied:

    No, the early works of Carlos Casteneda are not instruction manuals for reaching and maintaining an amazing state per se. They are Casteneda’s account of becoming and being an apprentice of the sorcerer Don Juan Matus. The teachings are extremely lucid at times so taking instruction away from the books is possible.

    I would recommend “Tales of Power” as a good book to start. The three prior books, though excellent, are recapitulations of each other as Casteneda tried to wrap his head around what was occurring to him. “Tales of Power” is a distillation of the process – closer to an instruction manual.

    Also, a later book, “The Art of Dreaming” is another distillation book that focuses on a certain avenue of sorcery – but written when Casteneda was becoming a much better writer. This book scared the bejeezers out of me.

    Having come to know a certain amount of the shadow world that seems to co-exist with the one we are used to, I think learning a little sorcery is not only useful but mandatory in order to start re-establishing a balanced perspective on what it is to be alive.

    All the very best to you too Alex.


  4. Shabs replied:

    Those videos are great. Gives me something deep to think about. All this energy I’ve exhausted trying so hard to block and run away from the attacks on my spirit, I’ve ended up giving too much energy to what’s attacking me. It is a crucial time for me, as I’m sure it is for anyone who is in a place where they can understand the work you are doing, and more so strong enough to really contemplate all that you are saying.

    I’ve got to let the hit come and lead it to the ground. I’ve got to let that stuff follow its on trajectory and not spend my life resisting and retreating. It’s a hard step to learn, but i suscribed to that teacher’s YouTube channel, and I think there is a wealth of knowledge there. You are a blessing, Alex. You really are.

    Off to take a long bath now and listen to your latest podcast.

    Just for the record, I love hearing you talk about your life. It is so humbling to hear what other mindful people deal with in life, and you do one better by telling us everything you’ve learned, which is how the best teachers work. And you admit to constantly learning. No dogma. No ego. And no unnecessary anger. You’re tops!!


  5. Sinead replied:

    BRILLIANT!!! So happy that you guys dove into these topics. These are the kinds of discussions that need to happen in order to change our current state of insanity. It’s interesting how “birth experts” (obstetricians) are predominately male. I don’t think that makes sense. While a man can indeed help a woman, he doesn’t know what it feels like to be a woman. I find that most physicians view birth as an emergency situation that needs to be intervened instead of a natural process for woman baby and father who need to be empowered. My head is spinning right now with thoughts so I’m going to let things marinate a bit. Great podcast guys!! So necessary.


  6. alex robinson replied:

    Hi Shabs, am really pleased that you got what I got out of those video clips.
    I have been like you & even tho I knew that running away didn’t stop the onslaught I just didn’t know that there was another option. I loathe slanging matches, but now I see how the only options we have had – attacking back or escaping – are both 100% money back guaranteed to stoke the fire & keep the attack coming stronger than ever.

    I watched this over & over again about a month ago when Vesuvius, Krakatoa & Mt Tambora were going off in my life – I’d been working with sitting with emotions, so that gave me a head start, but all the same … FUCK!! … altho the event was outside of me, the feeling was of course all inside – so for the first time ever I sat & faced the storm head on – at first it felt so unnatural to be turning into it, but it’s one of the most important things I have ever done – I sat with it for about an hour, just constantly turning back to face the storm. I do not yet know how to take this out into the world – but there must be a way. In the meantime I have learned that I can take this emotion to the ground within myself. I am very grateful for that start.

    Gracias Sinead, would have loved to have you on board too esp as birthing has become a very important topic for you.
    Once you start looking from a different angle it’s amazing to see how card-house-ish so many Western practices & thoughts are – they look real from straight on, but if you look round the side they are made from cheap cardboard.
    Hugs from nz


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