A few hours ago my mother died.

Those who have stayed with me over the last year or so, will understand that her death cannot be put into the social niceties box & dealt with in the accepted manner.

Already I have sinned greatly by not rushing to her death bed. I chose to stay true to the decision I took awhile ago. Also I was afraid – afraid that something of her might pass into me as she ‘left’ – & that, I would not condone.

Every time after I went to visit her over the last year, I would go to the beach & walk in the water, no matter what the temperature, to cleanse myself of her energy. I felt compassion towards her, but not ‘love’.

Earlier today I walked along the beach that had cleansed my spirit so many times. The sky was stormy. I took many shots which now have a kind of storied feel. It feels right to post them here. Without the shocking effects of my parents on my life, this blog would not exist.

I changed the settings on my camera at the end of the day, hence the strange colouring of the end picture.














































May 30, 2013. Uncategorized. 17 comments.

to life!


May 30, 2013. Uncategorized. 3 comments.

42 minutes of conversation

I was a guest on


42 minutes this week
& enjoyed a lively discussion with

two warm & open-minded hosts.


May 25, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

parentship – boarding now

Even though we never felt it,
the ‘parental pillars’


… our civilization
have been mightily wobbled:

I wanted to demonstrate that the works of writers, poets, and painters tell the encoded story of childhood traumas no longer consciously remembered in adulthood. Having made this discovery in my own painting and in the writings of Franz Kafka, I was able to test it against other life histories … I soon learned that I was dealing with forbidden knowledge, by no means easy to share with “the experts.” … Now I have a different motivation … I would like to share the knowledge I have gained with people who can face the facts” – The Untouched Key

The above quote comes from Alice Miller, a woman of ground-shattering common sense.

If the great ones of our civilisation
operated from a state of
unresolved childhood anguish
what does that tell us
the avenues
that they


followed through

While ‘art’ gave child-traumatised artists a vent of release, it did not heal them.

Because they had no access to their ‘original wounds‘, all they could do was perpetually circle their own pain.

he had to repeat the trauma countless times …


without ever feeling it, for the early lesson that his feelings were forbidden and were to be ignored retained its hold on him

Celan’s poetry is authentic, even though its highly personal dimension remained hidden from the poet himself and from most readers. If he had understood the source of his suffering, he would have found meaning in life and might have enjoyed it … It helped Celan to articulate his suffering by displacing the experience of his childhood but…


… it did not save him from suicide

Let’s shine a laser from two different angles – then see if you care to create your own hologram of history.

First up William Long – a long-ago writer & observer of …

watch & learn

… the ‘wild. Here he reminisces on his boyhoodhumanizing through nature:

From the beginning, therefore, I met all birds and animals in a child’s impersonal way; which, strangely enough, ascribes personality to every living thing, yes, & honors it. These inquisitive little rangers of the wood or berry-pasture, shy and exquisitely alert, were all individuals like myself, each one seeking the joy of life in his own happy way. My only regret was that I was too clumsy, too obtrusive, too ignorant of the ways of the wild …


… & so frightened many a timid bird or beast that I would gladly have known.

All this, too, is perfectly natural; the instinctive attitude of a child, as of an animal, is one of curiosity rather than fear or destruction. If left to his natural instincts, a child meets every living creature with a mixture of shyness & timidity & bright interest; he becomes an enemy of the wild, learning to frighten & harry & kill, not from nature but from the evil example of his elders.

Now let’s look at some famous names & their childhood ‘stories’.

I mention the severe trauma that the child Pablo Picasso underwent at the age of three: the earthquake in Malaga in 1884, the flight from the family’s apartment into a cavewitnessing the birth of his sister in the same cave under these very scary circumstances

As a little boy, he began to perfect his way of seeing, but he was not supposed to put what he saw into words

guerre nica

… the theme of the distorted human body haunted him all his life…

Of Käthe Kollwitz wiki says this:

a German painter, printmaker, and sculptor whose work offered an eloquent and often searing account of the human condition, and the tragedy of war

While Alice Miller suggests her childhood was contaminated by a mother emotionally-obsessed with a long dead child:

Her mother’s eyes grow moist when she thinks of her child who died so long ago.  Another daughter has just died, but this fact scarcely penetrates her consciousness. In the shadow of such a mother Kathe Kollwitz lived and painted her pictures of her dead child …

dead child

… which posterity would like to interpret simply as the expression of her social conscience and political commitment

of Nietzsche:

His life, his illness, and his tragic ending to say nothing of his work, …

silent scream

… have never been examined in the light of his childhood

The child-raising methods and principles … contempt for everything vital, sensual, and creative; the struggle to replace the child’s feeling of well-being with guilt feelings and  repentance; the suppression of his ability to think for himself, of his critical capacities, of his need to understand connections

youth… and his need for freedom and spontaneity. Not only obedience and submissiveness were preached to him but also the so-called love of truth, which was pure hypocrisy, for the boy who was forbidden to say anything & was also forced to lie repeatedly

The medical diagnosis of the disease that befell Nietzsche at the age of forty-five was “progressive paralysis,” and his biographers seem reassured … that this later illness “had nothing at all to do “ with the illnesses of his school days.  And the 118 attacks in one year (1879) were apparently sheer “coincidence

It is tragic that Nietzsche was unable to blame specific individuals for what he observed “in general.” For the living roots of his insights, contrary to all appearances …


… remained concealed from his conscious self. Caught in the labyrinth of his thoughts, he was incapable of locating these roots. The only permissible way out was that he lose his mind

If Alice Miller is correct then the brilliance of Nietzsche & so many others – their words & works, are inextricably coiled with the living trauma of their early years.

Because it has been absolutely forbidden to see our childhood & parents with clarity, truth has had to perverted.

What we call
is born
twisted & distorted
flesh & psyche.

Who was Nietzsche really talking of when he said:

They sacrifice the future to themselves – they sacrifice all man’s future

The danger is shockingly apparent via a brief description of …


… Franz Kafka – the man whose life & (young) death helped Alice Miller formulate her theory:

His works …  are filled with the themes and archetypes of …


… alienation, physical and psychological brutality, parent–child conflict, characters on a …


terrifying quest, and mystical transformations

His cause of death seemed to be starvation: the condition of Kafka’s throat made eating too painful for him … Kafka was editing “The Hunger Artist” on his deathbed, a story whose composition he had begun before his throat closed to the point that he could not take any nourishment” (wiki)

So shockingly sad.

Do you have what it takes to end this? I hope so.

~  ~  ~

Now hold onto our previous ideas while we turn our attention to “love“.

One day, when my son was still a child, he indignantly declared:

All the songs on the radio are about ‘love‘!

Yes but …… isn’t that the icing on the …



Being sculpted …

jack white

… into


via your

jolly bradford
‘love life’ /relationships.

History, literature, movies, the arts, fairy tales & songs have instilled & endlessly re-installed, this meme.

Yet maybe,
it’s hazardous
to our health.

After all, there is nothing on this planet that reinfantilizes people quite so fast, as “being in a relationship“.



we are a race,
childhood trauma
things could surely get
real ugly.

Society’s ignorance about the injuries inflicted on children represents a great danger for humanity

They sacrifice the future to themselves – they sacrifice all man’s future

Now we need to change direction again. Please note I’m relying on you to come up with your own thoughts by the end – what we’re doing here is widening our minds – not filling them with facts.

So we return to the excellent mind-stretching work of Matthew Delooze:

if you are ‘told’ a certain symbol means something you believe in, you will literally respect and defend the symbol and actually give that symbol unconditional spiritual love …  that energy obviously goes to the creators or original providers of that symbolism. For example If I give a woman a diamond engagement ring, as a form of symbolism of our love, then the woman will…


… love and respect the ring as much as she loved me. The woman’s energy created through respecting the ring, as true symbolism of our love, would only change if she didn’t love me any more. Her respect for the ring would disappear as soon as her respect for me disappeared, and … it would …


… lose its sentimental value immediately. She would no longer respect the symbolic ring because she no longer respected the creator and provider of the symbolic ring.

… its important you understand that energy is created and actually ‘passes through’ symbolism and that energy always goes to the …


… provider or creator of the symbolism, be it positive or negative and the diamond ring explanation is the easiest way to tell you that …

If we can begin to start to realise that millions of human beings have been cleverly deceived into actually respecting and loving the very ‘symbolism’ that enslaves us then we can ‘begin’ to break free from the trickery and be free again

Matt Delooze also states that we must freely request / choose our enslavement. So holding Matt’s ideas lightly but firmly in mind – let’s follow the trail of a massive parent symbol.

In the 1950s, as a war-torn Europe rebuilt itself, the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) … [began] to search for ways of bringing together the countries of the EBU around a …

u row

… “light entertainment programme” …

The Eurovision Song Contest … is an annual singing competition … Each member country submits a song to be performed on live television and radio and then …


casts votes for the other countries‘ songs to determine the most popular song in the competition. The contest has been broadcast every year since its inauguration in 1956 and is one of the longest-running television programmes in the world. It is also one of the …

pull the other one

most watched non-sporting events in the world, with audience figures having been quoted … as anything between 100 million and 600 million internationally

Were you paying attention? The winner of this ‘light’ event is chosen by the people.

In 1974 they chose unanimously.

ABBA was a Swedish pop group formed in Stockholm in 1972.

in blue

… They became one of the most commercially successful acts in the history of pop music, topping the charts worldwide from 1972 to 1982. They are also known for unanimously winning the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest … ABBA had sold over 370 million albums and singles worldwide and still sell millions of records a year, which makes them one of the best-selling music artists of all time

‘Fact’ states that:


ABBA is an acronym of the first letters of the band members’ first names (Agnetha, Benny, Bjorn and Anni-Frid) and is sometimes stylized … ᗅᗺᗷᗅ

What a splendid coincidence of names.

That “Abba” has another meaning, makes the force behind this group doubly significant, especially during today’s play:

The word ’ab·ba’′ in Aramaic … literally meaning “the father,” or “O Father.” It was the intimate name used by children for their fathers and combines some of the …

calling names

… intimacy of the English word “papa” while retaining the dignity of the word “father”

Abba is an Aramaic word which means “daddy” or “papa”. What Paul is saying is when you accept Jesus as your Savior you are adopted into God’s family. You become

j hoover

His child and He becomes your heavenly Father

This Aramaic word appears three times in the Scriptures … In each case it is used …

pitter pater

with reference to the heavenly Father, Jehovah

Using Delooze’s ideas we could say that ‘the Father’/Jehovah was unanimously voted in by the people in 1974.

That it was done via two pairs of intimate couples harks back to the very beginnings of our ‘handed down’ religio-mythology.

In Egyptian mythology, the Ogdoad … were eight deities worshipped in … the Old Kingdom

The eight deities were arranged in …

og toad

… four female-male pairs …  Essentially, each pair represents the female and male aspect of one of four concepts, namely the primordial waters, … air or invisibility, … darkness,  and eternity or infinite space.

Together the four concepts represent the primal, fundamental state of the beginning, they are what always was

Again & again it seems we are provided with …

suns on the cross

… ‘entertaining‘ rituals & priests.

Considering the enormous creative potential of the human species why do we end up with so much similarity & repetition in what is presented to us for our ‘choosing’?

In the year between Abba’s conception in ’72 & their public adoption & veneration as ‘Our Father’ in 74, another birthing took place in Stockholm:

Stockholm syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery … in Stockholm, Sweden, in which several bank employees were held hostage in a bank vault from August 23 to August 28, 1973. During this situation, the victims became emotionally attached to their captors, rejected assistance from government officials at one point and even defended them after they were freed from their six-day ordeal

Perhaps Stockholm Syndrome is sparked off by its familiarity with repressed childhood memories.

Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats …


threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other

The lives of many youngsters has way too often been one long captivity.

Mark records that Jesus used the term when praying to Jehovah …  shortly before his death, saying: “Abba, Father, all things are possible to you; remove this cup from me. Yet not what I want, but what you want.” (Mr 14:36) Here is the fervent appeal of a son to a beloved father, followed quickly by an assurance that …


… in any event, he would remain obedient

Now let’s widen the playing field a little more by taking a look at some of ABBA’s winning words. As you read perhaps you might like to wonder if you are listening to a hostage and/or a child:

My, my
At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah
And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
Waterloo – I was defeated, you won the war
 – Promise to love you for evermore
 – Couldn’t escape if I wanted to
 – Knowing my fate is to be with you

light entertainment

I tried to hold you back, but you were stronger
Oh yeah
And now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

These words of capitulation were unanimously voted in in 1974.

How many have sung them since?

Here’s a little further word play on the Abba theme that might interest you:

Barabbas or Jesus Barabbas (literally “son of the father” or “Jesus, son of the father” respectively) is a figure in the account of the Passion of Christ, in which …

opinion poll

… he is the insurrectionary whom Pontius Pilate freed at the Passover feast in Jerusalem, instead of Jesus Christ

Closer inspection of the Barabbas’ tale leaves a strange Eurovision taste in the mouth:

The penalty for Barabbas’ crime was death by crucifixion, but … there was a prevailing Passover custom in Jerusalem that allowed or required Pilate … to commute one prisoner’s death sentence by popular acclaim, and the “crowd” … were offered a choice of whether to have either Barabbas or Jesus Christ released from Roman custody …

br abbas

… the crowd chose Barabbas to be released and Jesus of Nazareth to be crucified. A passage found only in the Gospel of Matthew has the crowd saying, “Let his blood be upon us and upon our children

“… that the choice between two prisoners is a fiction

Whether fact or fiction we are left with a story that has been swallowed by millions.

It’s the same old, same old, same old story:

We are sold two choices – both of course leading to …

choice fixing

… the same destination.

My Abba theory might have fizzled out by now had I not been investigating a ‘parental theme’.

So where’s our mother?

At Waterloo the world capitulated to the Father.

With Mamma Mia (“literal translation is “my mother” or “mother of mine”.”) – it publicly declared …

liberty'd mom

… it couldn’t go on without her, no matter how bad she was.

I’ve been cheated by you since I don’t know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don’t know how but I suddenly lose control
There’s a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, o-o-o-oh

Yes, I’ve been broken-hearted

My my, I could never let you go

And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won’t be away too long
You know that I’m not that strong

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?

Mamma mia, it’s a game we play
Bye bye doesn’t mean forever

Is it because these lyrics were sung by “loving couples” as “love songs“, that millions opened wide & swallowed?

Or is it because the sentiments were traumatically-familiar to listeners?

Or were these lyrics covert hymns understood at a subliminal level?

Or all the above?

Twenty five years to the day after winning the Eurovision Song Contest …

red white & blue

… “Our Father & Mother” were re-invoked & sent round the world.

The world had changed.

Now the strapping-nouveau-woman (ap-parently) wields much power.

Mamma Mia! is based on the songs of ABBA … This musical was the brainchild of producer Judy Craymer … In 1997, Craymer commissioned Catherine Johnson to write the book for the musical. In 1998, Phyllida Lloyd became the director for the show. It is unusual for three women to form the collaboration behind a commercial success in musical theatre

fathers & mothers

The musical includes such hits as … “Lay All Your Love on Me”, “Dancing Queen”, … “Money, Money, Money”, “The Winner Takes It All”… and “SOS”. Over 42 million people have seen the show, which has grossed $2 billion dollars worldwide since its 1999 debut. A film adaptation starring Meryl Streep, Colin Firth, Pierce Brosnan …  was released in July 2008

ABBA’s double parent-ritual-invoking day of 6th April was previously used to re-initiate the modern Olympic Games in 1896.

Gandhi used the same date to star in his own performance:

1930 – Gandhi raises a lump of mud and salt and declares, “With this, I am shaking the foundations of the British Empire,” beginning the Salt Satyagraha


Yep, nothing ritualistic in that!

Despite its length this is really just a tiny sample of a different taste combination – one varied way of viewing the world.

IF you can allow the possibility that cruelty inflicted on children poisons (& has poisoned) our entire species – then there are two things we must consider:

  • Where would we like to go? What would we like our world & our future to be like?


  • Where are we NOW – I mean truly, where are we now?

How much of our life, our energy, our strength lies bleeding beneath the unlimited compassion, guilt & loyalty we extend toward our parents?

As long as we remain ‘children‘ – beings who go on bended knee before our parents


… we are no different to the millions who
uplifted ABBA & their songs
& called upon a parent god to sustain them.

I reckon if I was given a gold coin for every symptom of Stockholm’d Syndrome lurking within the zillions of “love songs” out there, I’d be a fabulously wealthy woman.

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind.
Whatever happened to our love
I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good

So when you’re near me, darling can’t you hear me
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me
When you’re gone (when you’re gone)
How can I even try to go on
When you’re gone (when you’re gone)
Though I try how can I carry on

You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good

So when you’re near me, darling can’t you hear me
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me


~  ~  ~

Text in this colour from The Untouched Key ~ Alice Miller

Text in this colour from How Animal’s Talk ~ William J Long


May 21, 2013. Uncategorized. 8 comments.

let my people go

We are in the process of being
crushed to death
by our parents.

This is nothing new – mythology bears out this ancient story.

A legend tells that … the god Geb and goddess Nut, were inseparable leaving no space between the sky and the earth for Atum to continue creating


Rangi and Papa are the primordial parents of tani and oma, the sky father and the earth mother who lie locked together in a tight embrace. They have many children … who are forced to live in the cramped darkness between them

In these ancient tales, space is created via more gods:

It was Shu who made his way between … Geb and Nut, forcibly separating them …


… He raised the goddess up to form the sky

The sons became desperate for light and space, so agreed to separate from their parents. The strongest among them, Tane Mahuta, put his shoulder to Papa and …


… and pushed upwards with all his great strength, until Rangi was forced far away up into the sky, and Tane held him there, letting the light shine in

As conspiracy theories have a delightfully potent zeal & speed, I would like to set one in motion…

~  ~  ~

We are in end/beginning times.

At these times, a great birthing is imminent.

Our histories & mythologies & religions have had one great focus when it comes to birth:

to be

The PArent-to-be

Without a SIGNIFICANT parent, the child is but a mewing infant.

Through ‘birthing’
the parent is

raised on high

For they have symbolically
God” / the Creator

In essence they become a god, albeit a smaller one

Today’s conspiracy theory declares that:

The worship of parents is unnatural & has doomed humanity to a living hell.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. If you give me the chance to speak today & IF I do my job well, you may cast a wary eye & a large question mark, upon those proceedings.

Let us begin.

In true creating, it is the creation
not the creator,
that matters.

Non-verbal, body-centred nature
knows & lives
this unspoken truth.

But humanity has been MADE to WORSHIP its creators.


Let’s create a few boundaries for this sacred conspiracy theory – they need to be wide enough to stretch our minds into what is intriguingly enticing, but not quite believable/provable – so that we maintain a state of fingertip-feeling in the dark.

We will use Matthew Delooze’s “Serpent Cult” as a foundational element:

the Serpent Cult get the masses to take part in these respect and surrender rituals because, according to universal law, that is how they are allowed to rule over us. We literally give them the right to rule over us because of our involvement and participation in global deceptive religious prayer (Sun Worship), by taking part in deceptive annual rituals like Christmas (Sun Worship) and by taking part in global rituals like Live 8 (Sun Worship).


The masses literally surrender their spiritual rights through such deception … They can never accept they are the real turkey

You need only read a small amount of Delooze’s work to really “see” what you will have not-quite-seen yourself – that there is a ceaseless herding of humanity into strange rituals & events. These events make no commercial or rational sense. They are often presented as ‘entertainment‘ or ‘for the people‘ – yet you shake your head in bewilderment at the choices.


Quite often you feel a strong sense of revulsion.

We have a two-fold picture.

  1. We must agree to our enslavement if our ruler’s are to continue having authority over us (Delooze’s idea)
  2. We are being driven to create some kind of destructive-to-us energies that feed them

NOWHERE are these more conspicuous (once you start looking) than in the worship of parents. In fact I believe this is the fundamental ritual that allows all others to take place.

Delooze states than when you worship a symbol you are giving emotional energy to what lies behind the symbol – you are granting it authority over you.


… it’s only a piece of material –
yet people will kill or die proudly for it.

I suggest that by being required to honour our parents we have in fact been honouring a Master PArent –  Jehovah aka Serpent Cult (or whatever name you want).

Remember all parents
symbolic life-givers /creators.

The Bible put its ‘stamp’ / symbol on parent worship in the shape of two tablets …

don vito

… to be taken daily

Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you”  — Exodus 20:12 (NIV)

In religion there is no clear separation between the concept of parent & that of God

In the Torah … Dishonouring parents by striking or cursing them was punishable by death. In the Talmud, the commandment to honour one’s human parents is compared to honoring God

The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood. (Ephesians 3:14) This is the foundation of the honour owed to parents. …

feeding frenzy

… It is required by God’s commandment” (Exodus 20:12)    — Catechism of the Catholic Church 2214

Alice Miller makes the profoundly simple & deeply truthful statement that children who are loved by their parents do not need to be told to honour them.

It is highly significant … that we have been bound for thousands of years to a commandment that hardly anyone has questioned, simply because it underscores the physical reality that all children,


whether abused or not, always love their parents

I’m suggesting that the order to honour parents came because somewhere long long ago, parents were turned into instruments of Jehovah. Or maybe it has always been this way.

The tradition of sacrificing children is deeply rooted …


… in most cultures and religions

History is simply & horrifically, the story of the breaking of children’s spirit – each successive generation crushing the ones they give birth to, while commanding absolute respect from them as their ‘creators”:

at birth and throughout their later upbringing, we instil in them the necessity to live, honor, and respect us, to do their best for us, to satisfy our ambitions

oh god

… in short to give us everything our parents denied us

I call such treatment abuse, although for thousands of years it has been regarded as a legitimate parenting method

For those who are brave enough, we need to look closely at the real relationship between parent & child – because now we can contemplate that it may be a commandment to venerate (maintain) a vicious ‘God” AND to feed him (it):

So what is left of “love” when we take a closer look at the real emotions behind it …? Gratitude, compassion, illusion, denial of the truth, guilt feelings, deceit – these are all the ingredients of an attachment that frequently makes us ill & cannot do your parents any real good. Everywhere in the world this pathological attachment is regarded as love.

Or perhaps we should we say “jove”.

It would be a rare person in this world who does not carry the wounds of  jove-love.

But we may not speak of it.

All my life I have needed to ask questions, to try to find out what I did not understand about my childhood & why I lived in a freezing cold, far-away-world, while pretending to belong here. I never found one person who would let me speak as I needed to speak. All ears close if you try to speak of your parents in other than devoted terms.

As a child he [Kafka] was deprived of genuine communication. He suffered unspeakably from this deficiency, all his works describe … miscommunication – in all these novels & stories the questions are never heard they are answered with strange distortions, & central figures are totally isolated, totally incapable of getting someone to listen

I am trying to open doors here to a discussion about a crime so hideous that it has been unspeakable – the eons-old soul/spirit murder of children by their parents.

The Himalayas pale into molehill comparison beside the mountain-centuries of children’s corpses. Each generation crushing the one that follows, maybe something like this …


Annuit cœptis … is literally translated, “He approves (has approved) of the undertakings“.”

There it is again, that giving of approval – is that the eye of a child I wonder? Or is it the adult-child – the one who grows big in body, but remains forever twisted under the grasp of the PArent gods?

Helplessness, cruelty & apathy are never natural
they are bestowed
the grit inserted in your oyster shell,
the gift
of Jehovah
& for Jehovah.

but hey we approve of the undertakings don’t we?

Silence IS always approval.

We have not understood the power we have – here is a gem from the movie Northanger Abbey:

Henry Tilney explains the parallel between country-dances and marriage to Catherine as he dances with her: “You will allow, that in both, man has the advantage of choice, woman only the power of refusal


Catherine replies significantly, “Do not underestimate the power of refusal

Once you have received the kiss of Jehovah, you become its carrier. You will in time Judas kiss your children, whether you mean to or not  & so ensure that the sickness in this world continues.

You will do this because you bowed to the Jehovah in your parents eyes …

PA rents

That’s where he lives.

And then he lives hungrily in our eyes, awaiting the birth of our children – who WILL be made to bow down to him.

Come see here …

Throughout all of history (& mythology) we are given individual & select, events & deeds upon which to heap blame or praise.

Most of us at some point have followed the masonic trail, with it’s intriguing fingers that reach into so many pi’s.

Of course that trail was a blind.

So that we’d never see that WE are the masons – initiated via our parents … with initiation completed

two one

at age 21
or perhaps 33 …

It’s all there in the name.


The candidate during the time is divested of all his apparel (shirt excepted) and furnished with a pair of drawers kept in the lodge for the use of candidates. The candidate is then blindfolded, his left foot bare, his right in a slipper, his left breast and arm naked, and a rope called a Cable-tow round his neck …  


… in which posture the candidate is conducted to the door where he is caused to give…  three distinct knocks .. The door is then partly opened and the Senior Deacon generally asks, “Who comes there? Who comes there? Who comes there?”

The conductor…  answers, “A poor blind candidate who has long been desirous of having and receiving a part of the rights and benefits of this worshipful lodge, dedicated (some say erected) to God

What is this if not a re-enactment of childhood, even down to …


… the state of undress?
Which came first Diddle Diddle Dumpling or the Masons?

Initiation mimics the powerlessness of childhood – it requires an agreement to bind oneself to remaining a child, to continuing the system – in return for a piece of the heavenly pi.


Through our endless worshipping of the sun/son
as our saviour
we have eternally proclaimed ourselves

By remaining ‘children’ we have stated that we need a  ‘PArent’ / god to take care of us.

Our father who art in heaven
hallowed be they name
they kingdom come
thy will be done

We have called for the continuation of this system over & over again. And we have satiate our repressed memories by having children over whom we have complete dominion, &  can be “gods” of.

Let’s look at Mother’s Day:

Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring mothers and motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society

Anna Marie Jarvis (May 1, 1864 – November 24, 1948) is the founder of the Mother’s Day holiday in the United States.

Anna’s mother Ann Jarvis had founded Mothers’ Day Work Clubs in five cities to improve sanitary and health conditions … On May 12, 1907, two years after her mother’s death, Anna held a memorial to her mother and thereafter embarked upon a campaign to make “Mother’s Day” a recognized holiday. She succeeded in making this nationally recognized in 1914

How touching. But then there’s always a good story behind anything we need to swallow.

Play led to some
interesting insights.

Lurking  within the name of  “Anna Marie Jarvis” is another name – ‘Minerva‘.  Anna Jarvis also had a special birth date Beltane (May 1st)

Bel (Belenos) is the Celtic Sun God …  His name was given to the May festival of Beltane, which means ‘the fire of the God Bel’ …

His ‘wife’ is the goddess Belisama … equate her with the Roman goddess Minerva…  indicate that she was a goddess of wisdom and healing and as a light-bearer

A picture of Minerva shows an …

minnie not so haha

… rather


… visage

I have previously suggested that  the Statue of Liberty represents Demeter, but on close inspection, we find her half-dead daughter Persephone lurking there as well – that’s pretty nifty -two for the price of one!

In the days when a female’s words were worth little, a woman was asked to christen one of the New World’s most revered statues:


Emma Lazarus (July 22, 1849 – November 19, 1887) was a Jewish poet born in New York City.

She is best known for “The New Colossus, a sonnet written in 1883; its lines appear on a bronze plaque in the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty

eMA = female/mother +
Lazarusone who was brought back to life
22 July = Mary Magdalene (MM) Feast Day


The power of Emma Lazarus’s poem, … gives the name ”Mother of exiles” to the Statue of Liberty …  She is not placed facing out to sea, as is commonly believed, to welcome those seeking a new life; she faces the hills in Brooklyn

And in the hills of Brooklyn …

A seven foot statue of Minerva stands at the highest point in Brooklyn, overlooking New York Harbor, located in Green-Wood Cemetery

And what is Minnie doing there?

The Altar to Liberty … includes the bronze statue of the goddess Minerva … Minerva and Miss Liberty are not merely waving to each other, they are, considering the elevation of the altar on Battle Hill in Green-Wood Cemetery …


looking eye to eye

I can’t prove that last bit, but it’s intriguing enough to leave in.

A little light-weight play finds strange rituals hiding in plain sight once again, this time lurking around Mother’s Day.

If you doubt the tremendous power of Mother’s Day, try not honouring your mother, or any mother, on that day – lynching might come back in style.


Why is it so important to bow down to a parent on one of their ‘honouring’ days?  Can it really just be put down to commercialization?

I don’t think so.


Indeed even among the great names of the conspiracy movement, I have yet to see one figure who didn’t kneel before a parent.

Let’s continue.

A recent article by Matthew Delooze calls out all humanity as a race of sex abusers. I was shocked when I read that at first. But dammit he’s right. We don’t have to commit acts, to be capable of them. And the reason I know we are capable of them is because of what I am writing about here.

There are NO good guys in this world because we have all been ‘perverted‘.

 “pervert (v.) … from Latin pervertere “overthrow, overturn,” figuratively “to corrupt, subvert, abuse,” literally “turn the wrong way, turn about”.”

There is no way in hell that the world can be in the state that it’s in, other than that we are raised in sickness & become sick ourselves. Maybe we don’t ‘do’ anything ‘bad’ but that doesn’t mean that this sickness is not within us.

I believe it is unleashed most powerfully with the birth of our children. – when we are thrown backwards in time to the beginnings of our trauma:

Not God but a swastika/ So black no sky could squeak through”, wrote Sylvia Plath in the suffocatingDaddy”, a 1966 poem that Plath famously described as being about “a girl with an Electra complex. Her father died while she thought he was God.” As the poem develops, father becomes husband, continuing the heart- stomping cycle.

If our lives are the compulsive repetition of our childhood trauma, then is history the compulsive repetition of a long ago childhood trauma of humanity? Do we keep repeating & recreating something that is actually long over?

I’ve been dozing & dreaming
too long in this place
what drew me here once
has long gone without trace

What if something truly awful happened here once long, long ago & then along came an inhuman species (or perhaps something deeply disturbed rose up in us) & it fed off our emotions & blocked us from healing. It did this by diverting us from seeing reality (which is the only way to heal) & got us hooked on the drug of illusions.

It /they would know that as soon as we turn & face our reality, their power is weakened.

Come on you guys, every monster …


… knows the truth of that.

There is NO bigger monster in the human psyche than the parent.

Children cannot escape their parents, so they cannot afford to see through them either. Blindness makes it possible to survive . This is the way the abuse of children has functioned since time immemorial. Blindness & forgiveness are essential to survival. But at the same time they lead to repetition & they perpetuate cycles of cruelty

No one will ever be bigger or scarier to you than your parent. You may find surrogates & trick yourself, but behind these usually weak & sad figures, lie your parents.

How do we get off this horror-go-round?

To break this cycle we need to understand that so-called love cannot survive abuse, deception, & exploitation without seeking new victims … Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know & can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenceless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to re-enact what happened to me & take it out on innocent people because now I know what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge

If we are in end/beginning times what are we going to birth?

If YHWH the warrior battles to maintain order, what happens if the world experiences … collapse … The logical result seems to be that YHWH is vanquished. But who occupies the void YHWH leaves? Humanity perhaps?

This is but a fraction of what I intended to cover. I have said before that I believe every person in the truth movement comes from a highly traumatic background. It is easier for people from a trauma background to ask questions, they already live somewhat outside the normal world – but I believe all have missed the mark & have become bogged down in any number of close, but miles away, searches.

Chasing down liars, cheats, tormentors, secret murders, earth poisoners & the illuminati is a camouflage for your own story, one that is almost too hard to face – the reality of your childhood. You have to turn away from the mesmerising glare, & walk back to face your past, until then you are of no real use to the future of this world because you still carry Jehovah in your eyes:

It is not experienced hatred that leads to acts of violence & destructiveness … only hatred felt for surrogates is endless & insatiable … because on a conscious level the feeling is separated from the person against whom it was originally directed

Every experienced feeling gives way in time to another, and even the most extreme conscious hatred of one’s father will not lead a person to kill

I shall leave it here for now. I am curious to see if anyone out there is ready to allow a discussion to begin. I certainly cannot do this on my own.

As a finishing note I offer this.

Yesterday I went to confront my father. I told him for the first time in my life, that my childhood was brutal. I spoke things never said before. I didn’t know how he would take it or how much he even heard, but I could not write this article, if I did not have the courage to face him. I did not want to live with the fear of speaking up to him or the regret of not having done so.  But in the end I spoke up for the child I once was who up until then had only been listened to by the trees.

I know of one mother who was actually able to escape from the destructive attachment to her parents thanks to her own child … One day she finally flew into a rage in the company of a new therapist & was finally able to admit to the extreme anger at her parents that had been pent up inside her for thirty years. And then a miraculous thing happened (although it was anything but a miracle): in the space of a few days, her daughter started to play normally, lost all her symptoms, asked questions … It was as if the mother had emerged from a dense fog & was seeing her daughter properly for the first time

Do not underestimate speaking to the trees – they will hear you, that’s a very good place to start.

~  ~  ~

All text in this colour from The body Never Lies (the lingering effects of cruel parenting) ~ Alice Miller

Link to Matthew Delooze’s excellent article on Humanity as a race of sex abusers

May 11, 2013. Uncategorized. 29 comments.

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