is that it?

Although I hadn’t planned to, I went to see my mother’s body today.

pain ting

She was all dressed up, lying neatly in her coffin. She looked quite healthy for a corpse.

Now I am home & maybe it’s the wine I’m drinking, but I can’t help thinking:

is that it?

Do all the years of being scared of her come to this – this nothingness.

How can we be so scared of life & other people when there is this smallness when they/we are no longer here.

What made us so scared to live,
when death is so small?

I offer this short post today because of its closing thought.

Before that I must confess that my wine & musings bizarrely reminded me of my feelings the first time I had sex. I still remember the shock of comprehension:

Is this is?

What’s all the fuss about?

I’m left with a similar feeling today:

“How can we be so scared of life if death is really so small?”

Closing thought:

Perhaps there is nothing at all to lose by becoming too big for our boots, buying a pair of dancing shoes & bowing to life?


June 7, 2013. Uncategorized.


  1. Darren B replied:

    “What made us so scared to live,
    when death is so small?”

    My cousin’s husband hung himself today,so the first part of your quote has been playing on my mind today,but I can’t judge his actions as I have been there myself in my youth,sometimes the world,or our perceptions of it can paint us into some very dark corners where death seems a preferred option.

    As to your question “is that it?“
    You obviously haven’t had an OBE,and I don’t mean a musical instrument.
    I’ve only had one,but I can tell you sex looks like a cold sponge bath compared to one of these.
    I don’t fear death anymore,because I know I will survive it,but I still fear how I could die,as pain is pain and it still bloody hurts to die.
    But I know that no one can convince you till you have one yourself.
    I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn’t waste too much energy on pondering if you survive death,because you will,as does everybody who has/had a body.
    And keep an eye out for strangeness,as dead relatives like to try and pass on a message quite often,but not always.
    A really vivid dream involving the person who passed is usually one such message,and you’ll know because these dreams have a different and more realistic quality to them,than normal dreams.

  2. John replied:

    A little while back I lost a close friend due to a cycling accident. I was standing with some other of our friends at the memorial. His dad saw us and came over. He had a message for us and this was it:

    Don’t wait to start living.

  3. libyansibyl44 replied:

    yes! forget your place. get above yourself. do something out of the box that you’ve always wanted to do. because why not? IF this is all there is or even if it isn’t…dance while you’re here. and when they hate you for it…when they say “who do you think you are?”…dance harder. this is Joy.

  4. alex robinson replied:

    Hello Darren, I’m sorry to hear about your cousin’s husband.

    Thanks for your story & thoughts.

    My ‘is that it’ question was more ‘reality musing’, than concern about death – questioning the depth of effect people can have on us – one moment they can be so big & then the next so little ( longer alive), also wondering why we allow ourselves to get so small while we are still alive.

    very best to you

    Excellent advice thank you John – sorry to hear of the loss of your friend
    very best to you

    hello sibyl, my mother who was also called sybil, loved to go dancing when she was young. If only she had kept that up perhaps she need not have chosen death while she still breathed. There seems to be some kind of universal law – wherever there is a ‘dead person walking’ you will find hooks & suckers extending from them attempting to latch onto others – not to save themselves but to pull as many down with them as possible. This is the ‘sin’ of choosing death while still living for death does not like to travel alone.

    I wish you joyous dance

  5. RICHIE replied:

    BIG HUGS..

  6. alex robinson replied:

    Cheers Richie, I think I operate from a very low level, rather than high.
    There will be no grieving for me, I cannot lose what I never had.

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