learning the walk of honesty

honesty (n.)  early 14c., “splendor, honor; elegance,” … from Latin honestatem … reputation, character;” figuratively …

upright

… “uprightness, probity, integrity, virtue” .

How wonderful to connect
splendor, honor; elegance with …

dancer

uprightness, probity, integrity, virtue” –
sounds like a foundationally-solid &
life-affirming plan of action
to me.

Today I did not go to my mother’s funeral. It would have been ‘easier’ to have gone, to play my correct part, look good & not upset other people.

But it would have gone against everything I am learning
in my faltering steps into honesty.

I have lived my life crawling through other people’s good books.

Now as I find my feet, I seem to enter their bad ones.

Wobbling into life on two undeveloped feet
& falling down a lot.

But just like Fitzy’s baby I get up & try again.

And again.

This has surely got to be one of the most vital things in life – finding our feet &…

competence

… then USING them.

Perhaps it is because our civilisation is so worded, that I keep finding that my feet are connected to my voice.  And much of my movement from crawling to standing seems to revolve around the word ‘No’.

Funny how learning
to say No
comes close on the heels
of toddlers who are learning to walk.

More & more of late I am feeling a great curiosity …

no

… about this word.

I think of sculptures, & how rock or clay is …

unarmed

… carved out, or cut away,
to create the vision, the reality.

NO
is a word like that.

It cuts away

Cuts out

Discards

Rejects

Ejects

I am wondering if life is what is left over.

Is NO as full of life as Yes?

Because I think it is meant to be.

Maybe it is more so.

Maybe that’s why we are so afraid of it.

When we say no to something we ‘turn our back on it‘. That is an action.  A very powerful action.

We usually live on the front part of our bodies and we have developed more on that part, where most of our sensory organs are situated: eyes, nose, mouth, shoulders, hands and chest. Now we have to reverse our attention giving consideration to the back of our body

Turning our backs is NOT backing away or backing down

backing away

… those are done submissively while facing a ‘dominator’.

I’m thinking that
conscious
rejection
may be
one of the most powerful forces in the universe.

Does the egg reject all those millions of sperm I wonder?  Is there something in the act of rejecting that positively reinforces that which is then chosen or revealed?

A book on yoga found me at the library recently – it is based on principles I have not seen elsewhere.

Using gravity consciously, almost sacredly.

I would like to throw out a very unscientific suggestion that the force of  ‘no’ may be directly connected to gravity, or perhaps its immense power may come from working with gravity – this is play remember, not science – so there aren’t rules here, only pauses & nibbles for thought.

Just ponder the times you have used ‘no‘ effectively in your life (or wished you had) as you read the following:

Gravity is like a magnet attracting us to the earth, but this attraction is not limited to pulling us down, it also allows us to stretch in the opposite direction towards the sky

The sky is the home of the ‘gods’.
Could use of the …

sky gawd

… word/force ‘no
be akin to wielding divine power?

We make use of the force of “anti-force”, which gives us a new flow of energy – a sort of anti-gravity reflex, like the rebounding spring of a ball bouncing on the ground.

When we use no with vitality & consciousness do we create a springboard effect that generates a positive path of least resistance?

The resulting wave is extraordinarily powerful and helps us to find the right approach: an unexpected opening follows, an opening from within us, giving life to the spine, as though the body had to reverse and awaken into another dimension

Over & over these days, I seem to find myself offered opportunities to say no – I can see no other ways to describe them than ‘opportunities’ – as if my new choices are being queried:

“Are you sure you really want this?”

Each time I say no to the old, I feel greater clarity & vitality.

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you” ~Rachel Naomi Remen

The more I contemplate the Turkish proverb I chose long ago for this site, the more I see within it:

No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back

~  ~  ~

Text in this colour from Awakening the Spine  ~ Vanda Scaravelli

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June 10, 2013. Uncategorized.

12 Comments

  1. Dennis replied:

    The choice was yours. Not going to your mothers funeral, imho was a sad state of affairs. Tradition demands some attention. I am sad for you. Dennis

  2. alex robinson replied:

    It is not ‘traditional’ to use a computer, the internet or electricity Dennis, but you seem to have no difficulty about this.
    If humanity can progress technologically why should it not progress emotionally?
    Unfortunately what is “traditional” is the abuse/ownership of children by parents that has been swallowed by almost all societies.

    Your comment has value here in that it allows me reiterate that I have NO regrets about the choice I made & thus pass on to others who desperately need to hear it, that it is OK to walk away from their parents & live their own lives.

  3. endpointithaca replied:

    Lyrics from ‘Walking is Still Honest’ by Against ME!


    Dear mother,
    This is just survival.
    Cannot promise your children everything,
    But you would lie so they can sleep tonight.
    Defeat tasted nothing like you said.
    Still 22 days left till the end of the world.
    My legacy was making you a man
    For a justice I could not change.
    This is one voice not to forget;
    “Fight every fight like you can win;
    An iron fisted champion,
    An iron willed fuck up.”

    Can anybody tell me why God won’t speak to me?
    Why Jesus never called on me to part the fucking seas?
    Why death is easier than living?
    You can be almost anything
    When you’re on your fucking knees.
    Not today,
    Not my son,
    Not my family,
    Not while walking is still honest,
    And you haven’t given up on me.

    Dear shithead,
    This isn’t happening;
    The sky is really falling,
    The paint’s all made of lead,
    There’s asbestos in the walls,
    Hell’s come over to rip off the doors
    To your privileged heaven.
    Do you want to love and feel it?
    You can look but you can’t taste it.
    You can reach but you’ll never have it.
    We are untouchable;
    Untouchable is something to be.

    Can anybody tell me why God won’t speak to me?
    Why Jesus never called on me to part the fucking seas?
    Why death is easier than living?
    You can be almost anything
    When you’re on your fucking knees.
    Not today,
    Not my son,
    Not my family,
    Not while walking is still honest,
    And you haven’t given up on me,
    And you haven’t given up on me,
    And you haven’t forgotten me…

    • alex robinson replied:

      now that’s an interesting sync endpointithaca

      Perhaps I am wrong but the following seems to encompass so much of the desperation of a child finally understanding, but not wanting to, that no help is ever coming –

      This isn’t happening;
      The sky is really falling,
      The paint’s all made of lead,
      There’s asbestos in the walls,
      Hell’s come over to rip off the doors
      To your privileged heaven.
      Do you want to love and feel it?
      You can look but you can’t taste it.
      You can reach but you’ll never have it.
      We are untouchable

      Thanks for that – very best to you

  4. Minti replied:

    Well..I am happy for you dear Alex,

    And i am one of those who desperately needed to hear this.

    Thank you for all you do

    -Minti

    • alex robinson replied:

      Minti, your words were balm, & I’m sure they will reach others too. It is the brave who stand up beside such ‘outspeakings’ that help propel them out into the world where they are sorely needed.
      I thank you.

  5. mysticnihilist replied:

    I have definitely struggled with the word No. My own fears of rejection and ridicule have lead me to be a bit of a yes-man. It’s an automatic response. But the path of self-affirmation continues to show me what I do not want and encourages me to stand for my own ideals, no matter what propriety may say I should stand for.

    • alex robinson replied:

      Cheers mysticnihilist
      It can be supremely challenging to become a no man (or woman) but if we don’t stand for our own ideals then by default, we must be standing for someone else’s (tramatised family’s or society’s or religion etc).
      When we say NO (& yes) according to our own deepest needs/directions, we are surely mapping out solid ground. I wish you as many noes as your heart requires.

  6. amj replied:

    sounds like you’re walking taller these days Alex. good for you! A great big smile your way, from my heart to yours :)

    p.s. besides your writing, I also dig your drawings . Trez cool wise one take care, am

  7. alex robinson replied:

    many thanks annemarie :)

  8. oldenwise replied:

    Hi Alex I’m new to your blog…stumbled upon it by chance via another blog.

    I can see where the word No can be associated with gravity. it reminded me of my own children..visualize this.. they have picked up something of value or sentimental value and the first thing they hear coming from us is the word No…and what happens?…they drop it…gravity takes over.

    I say no a lot these days…after working 37 years I no longer want to work full time…I say no to debt collectors and I say no to the elites who rule us and our children.

    I enjoyed your article the sacrifice and it reminded of the days I wagged school as a ten year old and played in all them places you described… scary place it was but I have fond memories, especially around the area of Redfern where I also spent a lot of time with my best Aboriginal friend Dennis…he was the one that showed me around Sydney and sneaked me into all the weird buildings around town…I became quite streetwise over the years and knew Sydney like the back of my hand.

    Anyway nice blog hopefully I will return seeings I am now following you and enjoyed the last podcast…it’s always interesting finding different blogs and you learn something new everyday.

    I like the title of this article so I am going to re-blog it to my tumblr account.

    • alex robinson replied:

      Hello oldenwise, thanks for stopping by to leave a comment – often great wealth is left via comments.

      The ‘sacrifice’ was really my starting point into this realm – it gave me the impetus I needed to beginning saying ‘no’ to what I needed to say no to – if we can reclaim that power then the elites would probably have no power, they seem only to be able to feed via our yes’s.

      very best to you

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