are you ok?

I got up very early this morning …

early rise

… planning to finish part ii
of my Unity article.

Instead I found an email in my inbox from a good man,


… Ellis Taylor,
asking if I was ok because I hadn’t written anything
for awhile.

I owe a debt to Ellis.

Back in 2008, before toolonginthisplace was up and running he made a comment that women needed to step up & begin speaking out. That little sentence was the last little push I’d needed to get me going. Up till then I’d hesitated from a feeling that women weren’t welcome on the ‘truth’ scene.

The other day Matt Delooze, another man from my early writing days posted a parable (he too has been silent for a long while).

For me this created a small constellation-relationship which I am choosing to meet with this article.

Although I have not been very productive in this place over the last year, I have been on a path of immense growth & change.

I have been learning how to do ‘relationship’.

I have learned that everything, absolutely everything in this world …


… is about relationship.

How we are in relationship with each other & with this plane. How relationship has been pushed & pulled & crushed & fucked up & how because of that we have become puppets that jiggle & twitch to others tunes. (Stay tuned for part ii of Unity Dismembering)

I believe that if we can embrace & re-learn what relationship is, we can change the course of the world.

So I would like to answer Ellis & offer some thoughts that I hope will be of use.

First off I am ok. In many ways I am more ok now than at any other time in my life.

Last year I chose to ‘reset’ my life.

Up till then I’d had a black belt in suffering, povertying & being alone.

I’m pretty sure you have a similar kind of belt.

The underlying structure we live in makes it so.

It has worked like this for eons:

Vast numbers of children being born into …


… cruel conditions without the support or kindness they need. Yet the very nature of childhood means that they are also filled with vast quantities of life (which it is impossible for them to stifle.) 

So they have to find ways to let all that life out – or they’d go crazy.

Thus they re-frame their cruel worlds into an adventure game where they can be the hero. They make up rules that allow them to change the perception of the ugly hand they have been dealt (as well as to protect perpetrators & traitors).

Turning ‘their lot’ into a game makes perfect sense because games …


… are what children do best. The child’s new & improved world allows them a sense of power & mastery. It gives them a world that finally makes some sense.

This spectacular re-framing has allowed countless children for countless centuries to reach adulthood reasonably intact.

Sadly from then on this same survivor-adventure story dooms them because it does not have a built-in self destruct button once its goal is achieved – Elvis never leaves the building & the fat lady never sings.

My childself adventure plan allowed me to be the hero of pain tolerance – whether physical, mental emotional or spiritual.

Because I could do pain so well, my superpower was to not only endure my own pain but also take on that of every person I cared about. My childself decided …


… to take up arms against all that caused of suffering,
especially lies.

I didn’t grasp the destructive implications of childself stories when I chose to ‘reset’ last year – I just knew that my old world was a cold & brutal place & it was killing me. I was really tired from trying to save the world while neglecting myself. So I upside-downed & inside-outed my life by spending three months in the States. This was a real challenge for me.

Where I had, for so long, lived alone I chose to enter a relationship. Where I had lived so poorly, for so long, I chose to live rich. Living rich is far harder than you might think & well worth a future article.

I see now that what I have been doing over the past year and a half is dislodging my childself’s …


… survivor-adventure game.

That game was hard-wired into every part of me – mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

Just as your childself’s survivor-adventure game is hard-wired into you.

What’s required now is to unlearn our childself game strategies & learn new ones. We’ve stayed too long in the womb of the past & it’s killing us.

Why are made to engage in remembering the past over & over?remembering alseep

Is it for the same reason that
every avenue to life is blocked or detoured?

Because each & every ‘living’ human
is as unstoppable as
a herd of stampeding buffalo …


…  all you can do is get out of their way.

The pathetically weak forces that run this world know all about this.

Their only strength lies in the fact that
they are about …

half a day

… half a day ahead of us.
And that’s all.

We are so close to them, yet they’re just that little bit ahead of us.

That’s why they can’t rest for a moment. That’s why programming has to be done 24/7 on every level from entertainment to food to pharmaceuticals to schooling to family programming to wage-slaving & on & on.

When humans begin to …


… unhook from the past
their wildness begins to stir.

We’ve got to get our wildness stirring again.

We have to remember we are grown up now & all sorts of freedoms & knowledge are available to us now. We don’t need the childself survivor game any more.

And truth be told
it’s downright boring.

What isn’t boring
is our future potential.

Yes these are scary times – but so was childhood. If we survived that we can absolutely navigate any current minefields.

So this past year I have been working consistently with learning to be in real relationship to life – in many different ways. Without relationships we are empty shells. We come alive through a miriad of relationships & that is why Unity is so destructive.

My childself superpower involved a total lack of relationship – it was all about ‘going it alone’. Sometimes the feel to go back to being alone can beckon like a drug. But I can no longer ignore the real pain that comes with that survivor-adventure story – & I am now able to see it is no longer necessary for my survival.

I think it is vital to find out what rules run your personal …


… childself survivor-adventure game.

My childself survivor story also featured a huge pay-off. If I kept going it alone & taking on everyone’s pain there would come a day when all I had endured, all the people I had ‘saved’ from suffering, every last drop of pain would be acknowledged & honoured. There would be a true heroic recompense.

What rewards you factored in to your story?
Because all adventure stories have to lead to treasure you know.

That treasure is the child’s version of heaven.
Yet it is a dream.

A dead dream.

As long as we keep holding out for that dream (& I know so many who are) things can never be ok in our lives.

Are you ok?

July 14, 2015. Uncategorized.


  1. empoweredbyknowledge replied:

    I am now.
    Only just last night I was giving this topic a mental mulling. Precisely remembering as a child being alone at the very times I needed the comfort from a parent or a sister. Taking on the suffering of all who surrounded me…. Realizing there was no prize for this and letting it all go down the drain. Thanks sweetie it was nice reading you again.


  2. suliwebster replied:

    It is good to see you back writing Alex.
    You have a gift with words and their flow that others don’t have.
    You express in words things that are hard to put into words.
    There are few female writers, tis true, and when we are not writing, I like to think we are doing something better, practising what we preach, making life changes that put our theories into action. Because words are no good on their own.
    I think relationships are about messages. Everything is about passing the message around in different forms.
    I seek out solitude, which I find is different from loneliness. My solitude allows me to be wild, it allows me to explore and discover things. It allows me to cross paths and share paths with others and swap messages in relating to them.
    Relating is like relating a story, and you only have a story to tell if you have your own unique experience. There is nothing more droning than hearing someone spout out the same old story that everyone spouts that originates from the newspaper or TV etc, or even conspiracy circles. When people relate their OWN story, they start to come alive, and it is mesmerising.
    Living rich is a curious concept… I remember once asking myself what would happen if I found a job I really loved, or a partner I really loved, and it seemed more scary than not finding them. I now have a home I really love (Mother Earth being my ultimate home), though it is “poor” in money terms. To me living rich is actually having a lot less in money and ownership of things and people.
    I think one day we will all stop writing. Children wouldn’t bother
    reading and writing if they weren’t trained to do so. Writing is a message, but it is a lonely job.


  3. mgs1129 replied:

    Thank you Alex,

    Thoroughly enjoyed this read! I also liked your choice of pictures woven into the article.

    Glad to hear your “thriving” and not just surviving :-)

    Perhaps our childhood stories were meant to dissolve away, and many of them didn’t…or a graduation of some sort was supposed to happen, and then ‘we’ were supposed to update the stories?

    Either way, whichever survival-adventure stories we made up, have been circling close for most.

    Very nice to find you adventuring out in TLITP today!
    Keep up the high quality work,

    Your friend always,


  4. Minti replied:

    Yes I am, thank you for this brilliant article.

    It’s time for me to reset & unlearn my childself game strategies too, and learn new ones! I’ve been dead for so long.

    Thank you again for realizing this Alex.


  5. Rodgeir replied:

    I concur with the comments above, brilliant. I have seen different theories why children play, but this is the most logical and makes totally sense.


  6. Chillserummysterum Anacondianus replied:

    good to change up thiongs sometimes to prevent gettin stuck … very necessary these resets or reboots and change of system software, some upgrades and purging of old crap…..

    in my experience its like theres always some game goin on, game is prob the way humans naturally operate be it conscously or unconsciously…. like snoop dogg said : ” game is life and life is game ”

    when we younga re real world power adn options are very limited, as we grow older and hopefully wizer and more powerful, we can operate in teh world from a genuine Self without havin to distort and prostitute ourselves ….
    the same way the game is setup in a certain way when we are young , it is for when we grow up…. the game is relentless , the interactive designers aka social engineers and thinkthanks always make sure, theres some challenges and we are on the edge….

    it never gets boring, a war here , a monetary crash there etc… some terror attacks, etc, and the earthplane does the rest with natural disasters, virusses, starvation, food shortage etc….

    it never stops… as long as we live , theres no point u can reach which will shelter from the bad shit goin on… we might become rich or meditate ourselves into oblivion… but that doesnt mean anything…


    other side is that within the parameters of the game we have the most freedom we can have…. we can decide how we wanna affect the game and the world, and use our power as players concsiously or get played by others if we keep thinking that we just a passive victim…

    every choice we make changes the game one way or the other…and it changes us… shapes us, our soul .. and if a certain number of people make certain choices then a bigger change will manifest…

    and i think it begins in the mind like u did
    ur reset and chose not to be the Painmaster and SufferGuru and president of the victims, but something also beyond that, the new avenues, new directions and aspects of the game which were previous locked will unlock when u open urself up and invoke the energies like with sympathetic magic…

    thank u for another great article , made me think in a different way…

    p.s. obama was in fact right, with his mantra of Change, but he hypnotized people into avoiding personal change and will by trusting in him and givin their Gamepower away for him to use by way of vote and attention .


  7. Mick replied:

    The treasure is every breath we breathe.

    I see my 7 year old daughter this weekend for the first time in 2 years. We are both very excited. Healing does eventually happen, but it is not a magic wand, it happens with every heartbeat.

    Yes, Matt is back, with a vengeance by the looks of it. Watch out Lancashire Borough Councils!


    • Minti replied:

      I wish you and your daughter a wonderful weekend Mick!


      • Mick replied:

        Thank you Minti,

        We had a lovely time. We went to a place called Ogden Water, not too far from Halifax – woods, moors and a reservoir. Eden collected armfuls of pine and larch cones. She is a land girl and loves anything natural. A hope for the future.


  8. alex robinson replied:

    Thanks to each of you for your wonderful responses & relating – makes my heart feel glad. Without my readers this place would be very lonely.


    • Mick replied:

      You are very welcome. Without your honesty and insights this world would be a poorer place :-)


  9. Ellis replied:

    Hi Alex, So glad you are discovering what makes you happy. Lotsa love,


  10. Minti replied:

    That sounds awesome Mick. You are from the UK?
    I live in the Netherlands, but I am in Austria with my son at the moment, hiking and searching for waterfalls. He loves nature too.

    Best to you.


  11. Mick replied:

    Just a thought: remembering the past is only a problem because our past, most especially our recent past, is utterly falsified. Our historical clock was reset through Christianity to 0BC/AD, a reboot of reality. If we were to truly remember we would have to reach further back until we hit a wall of collective trauma caused by the viral corruption of the original programme. Besides, the only pasts we are encouraged to remember are war and death. We forget the little life enhancing candle lights of joy. So small as to be drowned in seas of blood, yet so powerful as the flame is never extinguished.


  12. alex robinson replied:

    I like your thought Mick


    • Mick replied:

      Thanks Alex. Do you remember the ceramic poppy exhibition at the Tower of London last year to mark the centenary of the outbreak of WWI?

      Blood-swept Lands and Seas of Red
      Blood red poppies, not real but ceramic, a veritable river of them pouring from a bastion window in the Tower of London down into the Tower’s moat and filling it like the sea – this was an installation called Blood-swept Lands and Seas of Red by the British artist Paul Cummins and designer Tom Piper to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the outbreak of the First World War. Between 17 July and 11 November this year 888,246 ceramic poppies were ‘planted’ at the Tower by about 17,500 volunteers, one poppy for each member of the British poppies tower of londonEmpire’s armed forces killed during what was already then called “The Great War”.

      The use of the word outbreak shows war to be the disease it is. July 17 is the birthday of the goddess Isis. On this day Wiccans enact a ritual called The Night of the Cradle which celebrates the sky goddess Nut giving birth to Isis. In Japan July 17 is the Great Festival of the sun goddess Amaterasu. July 18 is the Festival of Nepthys, the dark sister of Isis and wife of Set. Tom Piper was also involved in the design of the London Olympics celebrations.

      “Frequently splashed across newspapers and TV news broadcasts, the sea of red was opened on 5 August, one day after the 100th anniversary of Britain’s declaration of war against Germany, and on that first day the installation was visited by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry, the two sons of the late, much lamented Princess Diana whose sad demise had prompted another ocean of flowers, albeit more multi-coloured. It was visited by their grandparents, the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh, on 16 October.”

      August 4th is also near enough to Lammas or Lughnasadh, the festival of light in honour of Lugh Samildanach (many-skilled). There is an inseparable link between blood and the sun, and royalty.

      Alfred de Grazia, a close friend of Immanuel Velikovsky, believed that the world catastrophe 13,500 years ago (which repeat around every 2,000 years with varying degrees of severity) caused humankind to become psychotic through the immense trauma it inflicted.

      That is the wall we have to face and break down.


  13. Nancy replied:

    Hello Alex! I ran across this site when I searched “walking talking allegory.” You’ll find it interesting. It looks like this article was a fitting place to note it. Truly appreciate all you do. Take care


Leave a Reply to mgs1129 Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI