oh your god!


“So, my dear, how do you deal with self-hatred?”

Dear Mick, (& let’s face it, the rest of us),

There’s good news & bad news.

Let’s start with the bad, because it sells better.

We hate ourselves because of
certain opinions
we developed about ourselves

far away


These opinion of ourselves
have evolved into our personal gods.


And you know what the appetites of gods are like.

Today I am presenting ideas from the (highly recommended) book Identity (Robert Fritz & Dr Wayne Anderson), cooked in my own style with extra spicy ingredients.

Now let’s get down and dirty.

We pretty much all have opinions of ourselves that are
so (personally) heinous …


… that we have no choice but to create
their ideal opposites …


… just so we can live
with “ourselves”.

If I have the opinion that I am a ‘bad’ person, I will spend my life working to show that I am its ideal opposite – a ‘gooood’ person. All my actions will be based on proving what a good person I am.  I probably won’t even be aware of any of this.

Now I want to take this one step further & introduce an even tougher mix.

If we are many selves & these selves have different histories (as per The People You Are – Rita Carter), then what if a number of our selves have heinous opinion issues?

It would be no wonder that life
is so hard & messy &
we often seem to act
downright weird.

I personally worked with Robert Fritz’s wife to uncover my opinion of myself & it was really useful.

However I was also left with another opinion that I couldn’t make disappear. It was something that repeatedly came up for me. Only now by considering that we are multiple selves & that some of these selves may have distorted opinions can I make sense of this other point of view which I couldn’t find a home for.

Let’s say you have seven selves & two or three have serious opinion issues, doesn’t that start to make sense why you are often such a nut job and can seem so inconsistently triggered by a strange variety of things?

The really bad news is that by running from these …


opinions of yourself
& basing your entire life around
forcing yourself to live up to …

man of the west

their opposite ideals,
you have




into gods.

And gods as you know, are immortal.

So you need to understand that you cannot kill these suckers off. Ever.

We might say that, in a nutshell you’re fucked, locked into a game you can’t win by ideas about yourself you didn’t even know existed.

Now the good news.

Outside of that nutshell …


… there’s another world.

You see the things about god’s is that they are not based in reality.

These opinions of yours are not based in reality, which is why they can’t be killed off.

Struggling against them just feeds them.
Camouflaging them with ideals just feeds them.

Understand that you have made them immortal in your world.

Yet they have no concrete reality, they are paper tigers.

However these paper tigers are powered by your sense of Identity.

When you make life all about …

about you


back again

So we have to find a way to be ok with our true opinion of ourselves. And believe it or not it doesn’t matter what you think of yourself, this has no effect on you creating a life you’d be proud to show off, even while cringing about your supposed lacks as a person.

If I have the opinion that I’m an idiot I can have a good life.

If you think you are worthless and can’t have a good life.

You just have to take yourself out of the equation & stop making life about you & how other people see you. Instead you put your time, energy and focus on the outcomes in life you want.


Now let’s bring in another necessary ingredient.

I asked you last time what message did you receive from your parents / family?


What was the overall sighed-message about your darned existence.

The reason was as follows.

Brain scanning research was done on a group of people. First they were asked to think of themselves and a certain part of their brain lit up. Then they were asked to think about a stranger. A different part of their brain lit up

The third time they were asked to think about their future selves. Now for quite a lot of them the area had lit up when they thought about strangers, lit up again. This means they imagined their future selves as a stranger.

Holy fuck!

That’s really scary.

Because we either don’t care about …


or fear,

We certainly don’t create our life with them in mind. Yet this is exactly what we need to be doing.

So what answer did you come up with for that parental reaction to your existence. You may find that that is how you address your future self.

As an example my future self has always been a nuisance. When current me has to do something for this future self …


… it’s ‘such a nuisance’. It feels like a ‘waste of time’.

Yet I have the best photo in the world of me holding my newborn son, & I think it was because then I had a future to work for.

We must regain our futures. We must work for our futures.

Identity is so much about me-now.

If we see our future selves as strangers we are not going to engage with them, yet I think it is they who can save us.

A little extra to finish.

I have been considering that we may actually be born with our selves in place. That they make up the very structure we think is us, just as different organs make up our body.  When we are young we are happy with our selves & give all full expression


… no matter what they were like.

However because we grow up in a society that is inhuman, these selves did not receive the nourishing experiences they sought.

Gradually we accepted society’s views that we were just ‘one’ person & so denied these selves the right to their own existence. Imagine denying your …


… liver or intestines their existence.

Part of this was done by making our selves embarrassing & personally painful.  Ideals (which as we know are impossible to achieve) were forced on us, & we began to fault our ‘selves’ for not making this impossible grade.

Why might that programme of selves-devaluation be in place?

Perhaps because these selves have powerful gifts and abilities.

I have a bad/bold mouth that I spent a lifetime trying to keep shut because it burned people with truth and then I was left alone. Long ago I learned to despise that mouth, that speaker, for the pain she caused me. Why couldn’t she speak the way other people did so I could be liked & popular.

That’s how twisted this can all become & why we need to check what we are shunning.

Another possibility is that a gestalt of selves may be required …

all pieces.jpg

… to activate particular abilities unique to each of us, even though some of these selves may be less than likeable.

Here’s an example.

I remember Matt Delooze talking about an ayahuasca ceremony he took part in. He was told that while some of the people seemed like a bunch of self-centred pains in the ass, they nevertheless carried the required symbolism to make the ritual a success.

So what if the personal aspects of ourselves that we really don’t care for actually carry a symbolism/energy that can allow the other selves to fully activate the gifts they have.

What if the ones we hate are necessary pains in the ass?

~  ~  ~


February 19, 2018. Uncategorized. 15 comments.

posing another question and responding to your hate mail

When I posed the question …


… about your three favourite hates, it was for a reason.

I’m guessing that one or two of your hates may have been a little surprising to you.

Nevertheless, if you did the work, I’m pretty sure you will have found a commonality in these ‘heinous’ people that may have been …


… surprising.

If you haven’t guessed already, your answer was, of course, about you.

About a self of yours that has ..


… diplomatic immunity.

A self that was once very necessary but now wreaks havoc
because it is no longer needed i.e.

grew up

… you grew up.

You continually protect this self by denying its existence in you while at the same time despising it in others. Obviously if you scorn & revile something you couldn’t possibly have such a characteristic, could you…?

You also create an idealised opposite as extra proof of not having or being this thing. (Thanks to Robert Fritz for this).

Aren’t you clever!

Now the nature of the structure in which we live always requires a fool to get the ball rolling.

fools cap

Luckily I do have access to a fools cap, so will get things underway.

What I ‘found’ & despised in my-self was a sneer.

I can remember exactly when and where I first adopted this sneer.

It was on a bus on my way home from school when I needed a shield/mask to hide behind after one too many humiliations.

The sneer came from an actress on tv.


To me she exuded invincibility, imperturbability and indestructability. I felt I needed this ‘look’ to prove that no one could hurt me. For some reason this has been one of my strongest driving forces.

While it may have worked, it has long outlived its usefulness.

Not only that it has caused pain to my body. The sneer has become a part of my musculature, in the same way that many of us have held-in guts from the fear of belly fat or the illegal lack of abs. The things we despise ‘live’ in us, that’s why we need to choose and then re-choose, wisely.

So …


… who do you hate?  And where are they working with immunity in your life?

Now let’s add a further question to ponder.

What overarching message did you receive from your parents/family? What did they tell you/imply over & over?  You may have forgotten about it or dismissed it but it lives in you.

What was the most common pronouncement, delivered matter-of-factly about you, probably with a sigh? Never underestimate the power of a sigh to turn shite into concrete.

The answer to this will be used in the next article to help clear out …


… some important closet space.


February 11, 2018. Uncategorized. 5 comments.

who would you kill off?


Dallas is an American prime time television soap opera that aired on CBS from April 2, 1978, to May 3, 1991.


Of course that’s hogwash.

Everyone knows that that series began on Nov 22, 1963. It is famous for spawning the …

… “Who shot J.F.K?” hysteria.

“A House Divided” is the … final episode of the third season …[of] Dallas and … is the episode known for spawning the eight-month …


… “Who shot J.R.?” hysteria.

The frictional Dallas of course is Delos.

“The island of Delos … is one of the most important mythological, historical and archaeological sites in Greece. Delos had a position as a holy sanctuary for a millennium before Olympian Greek mythology made it the …

… birthplace of Apollo and Artemis

Prior to the birth of the sun-light king Apollo, his mama Leto addressed the dry, barren island thusly:

“Delos, if you would be willing to be the abode of my son Phoebus Apollo and make him a rich temple –; for no other will touch you, as you will find: and I think you will never be rich in oxen and sheep, nor bear vintage nor yet produce plants abundantly. But if you have the temple of far-shooting Apollo [the] incessant savour of rich sacrifice will always arise

And Dallas is certainly a place of rich sacrifice.

JFK was a representative of the house of Apollo’s light house. But the light …


… always dies (which is where the far-shooting comes in).

Meanwhile back at the ranch;

“J.R. Ewing … described as “the nastiest man on television, a man so venal, so low, [who] become an absolute de-light …

… to an estimated quarter of a billion viewers around the globe”

Larry Hagman who played JR was born on the Autumn equinox in 1931 – that’s when the light goes dim and night rules. But Hagman was much more than a dark-side twin of JFK.

“hag (n.)  … probably from Old English hægtes, hægtesse “witch, sorceress, enchantress, fury …

One of the magic words for which there is no male form, suggesting its original meaning was close to “diviner, soothsayer,” which were always female in northern European paganism, and hægtesse seem at one time to have meant “woman of prophetic and oracular powers”

So he played the role of male priestess

“To become a shaman, one had to be both man and woman because a person should be the sum total of all human experiences … Usually such transformed shamans would be looked upon with awe, fear or suspicion. They were considered to have very strong and special magical powers.”

“Shaman “a priest or priestess who uses magic for … divining the hidden, and controlling events

Remember the Hag man/woman once commanded the services of a genie – this star was no mere mortal.

“I Dream of Jeannie is an American fantasy sitcom starring Barbara Eden as a 2,000-year-old genie and Larry Hagman as an astronaut who becomes her master.”

Barbara means ‘strange or foreign traveller’. Dream rearranges into madre (mother).

The Hagman/woman died November 23, 2012 – one day after JFK’s sunset & during the most prized year of the century.

Delos was also home to the cult of Dionysus – the god of having a very good time.

dallas falus

“The Stoibadeion contains a rectangular platform containing a statue of Dionysos … Two pillars …support a huge phallus, the symbol of Dionysos …the southern pillar …shows a cockerel whose head and neck are elongated into a phallus, on either side are groups containing Dionysus and a Maenad, with a small Silenus on one side and a figure of Pan on the other”

Apollo & Dionysus are two sides of the same coin or ‘a house divided’ – in their respective roles of civilised order & licentious chaos.

The “Dallas Sun-light Kings” exhibited the traits of both these gods.

They were fabulously powerful heirarchical males …

and far-shooting sexual cavorters.

It is standard practice to think that powerful men must have huge libidos. But is that really so?

If Vadim Zeland theroies are correct that balancing forces coming into play when too much importance is placed upon something, then massive wealth/power combined with endless sexual conquest would surely upset the order of things.

“The universe exists with balance. Nature thrives on balance, and the human is subject …

to these forces of the universe. This means that, for example, when we place too much importance onto something, there is some force coming into play…

… to neutralize this”

“When an event invokes an extremely negative or positive build-up of energy … we can be sure that … “balancing forces” will always be drawn to the occasion”

However in the hands of ‘the gods’, chosen proponents seem to be allowed to play out certain roles for varying time periods. I am inclined to think that JFK was required to be both president and satyr, as was the far-shooting future president, Bill Clinton. I doubt it was an accident that Clinton’s antics became public, rather they were required fertility rites.

What if the reason the very rich and powerful i.e (the royals) are so incredibly two dimensional & boring is to maintain their status quo? Everything is subservient to maintaining their power. Their monotonous voices, unflattering clothes, decades old hairstyles all work to maintain an extremely stable vibration that ensures continued rule without upsetting balancing forces.

When fireworks are necessary, stars are brought on stage to do what stars do best …

… burn bright and burn out.

So unglorious truth-seekers – shhh we don’t want to upset the balancing forces – here ends your conspiracy tidbits for today. There’s no point going further, there never was, because it’s…

… rabbit city all the way.


Instead we come to the real reason for this article.

This post is aimed at you, in a different kind of far-shooting way. This time it’s you who have to do the far-shooting.

I want you to consider a spot of self-hero-making
in the truest sense of the word.

“Hero … specifically a dead man, venerated and propitiated at his tomb or at a designated shrine, because his fame during life or unusual manner of death gave him power to support and protect the living”

First off please understand this whole article is play.

Furthermore it’s only true power lies with you, the reader. You are the fertile one, not me. I just enjoy looking at things from different angles & offering them to anyone who might find them useful.

So back to our heroic article.

I contend that children who come from what I call the House of Neglect (all conspiracy theorists come from here) created a super hero role to combat traumatic experiences that no one taught them how to deal with.

We are returning in this post to the theme of being many selves in one body (see previous articles).

Now instead of creating a ‘major self’ with a number of minor selves which would have helped create a half-decent future, we crafted a ‘super hero’ thought-form to get us through the worst of times.

When we face monsters in childhood, be they physical, emotion, mental and /or spiritual we need a big, bold solution.

Enter the hero.

Heroes face huge struggles & huge powers – Heracles was super strong, Achilles was a super warrior, Odysseus was super cunning. They fight horrific monsters like …

… Minotaurs, Sphinxes & Hydras that were too powerful for lesser mortals.

However god-like they seem, these guys are mortal. And once their task is done they need to complete their role by dissolving into immortality through a young, tragic & often brutal death. A super man requires a super death. Balance returned. However having propitiated the balancing forces their memories are free to rise to immortality.

Now along with their super powers, heroes came with super flaws.

They are all assholes. Balancing forces again methinks.

So we really don’t want asshole heroes hanging round in our lives any longer than necessary. Especially as once they’ve reached their use by date they seem to turn into monsters.

Maybe monsters are all just heroes that weren’t killed off in time. Imagine that!

And maybe heroes were created by monsters we took too long to deal with. Imagine that!

However we are where we are & somewhere amidst our multitude of selves is a hero needing to die …

… and achieve immortality.

“Their pain in life resulted in fame after death. This fame was passed on through what the Greeks called kleos, or glory. Through kleos, the heroes achieved their own form of immortality.”

Locating your rogue super hero is not an easy task. Due to it living past its expiry date it morphed into something deformed yet familiar. It keeps doing its job even tho its job is defunct.

That’s why you were set some homework in the last article. To turn your attention toward tracking down your hero turned monster.

What you are looking for is a thought form, so familiar, so “TRUE” that it feels like your own skin. You ‘know’ this thing so completely. It is a FACT of your life. It keeps turning up. It’s so real it is constantly being proved true in your life. People keep doing ‘this’ to you, this thing keeps happening to you no matter where you are or who you are with.

Pay attention.
There’s always only one common denominator.

How strange that the same thing occurs again & again & again.

You are being run by a Hero-Thought-Form. Something that once kept you safe or busy or confused or angry or whatever you needed to avoid the awareness of something that was too overwhelming.

Ok great it worked. Back then. Now because you are grown up, it is not needed & it has become a monster.

Who do you hate most – what are their qualities? There’s a clue there.

But don’t be fooled, the thought form you are looking for is a hero gone rouge –

… so it’s super cunning, strong & strategic.

Here is your quest. Make it a serious. This self needs to go.

Which self is manipulating all your other selves. You are looking for a double or triple agent and it will know you are on to it. I have been hunting mine for the last few weeks.

You have to play around in your head. If I kill this one off what will happen to the others?

It’s like a strategic chess game. You have to look at what will happen if you make a particular move. How will that affect the others?

There is a self who underpins all your other selves and locks you in the life you now lead. If you like that life thank it. If you don’t, find it & then we’ll look at taking it down, with gratitude, not with venom & releasing it into immortality so we can move on.

This is a work in progress …


February 6, 2018. Uncategorized. 9 comments.